Cancer

Spoiler

You wouldn't believe how much chemo effects personality and the people around you!

The tiny pink-puckered dots on your skin,
are places where you let the doctors in,
with their needles and knifes and sterilized faces,
surrounded by wilted flowers in clear vases.

The ill smell of your room invades my nose,
taking my mind, hitching rides on my clothes.
I'm slave to your cause but don't be alarmed,
if when you've been cured you find that I'm harmed.

Daddy, I don't know what to do anymore,
my tears hold silent congress on the floor,
they want me to know that I should be free
and your cancer shouldn't define me.

I love you-
but I loathe this, I just want you to know,
It makes me hate you but I wont let it show.

Hey! I really like the way your poem flows. I really didn't know that chemo affects your personality. I think you should expand on this; go into more details, make it more emotional. Maybe play up how the kid feels bad about hating his dad, kind of. We know what the kid is feeling, but we don't know how his dad is feeling or what he is saying. It's kind of one-sided.

All-in-all though, I think it would be a wonderful poem if you added a bit more. Keep writing!

Hello.

This is a really good piece. I think it's a different take on cancer, and a very brave one. I think the sentiment in this poem is one a lot of people don't express, but honestly feel.

A few small things to point out

knifes

should be knives

I'm slave

Sounds weird. Perhaps, I'm a slave or I'm enslaved?

I think your imagery is very original in this poem. There's a strength in the voice of the persona in this poem as well.

The thing that got to me was the final part of this poem. The persona hated his father, presumably because of the cancer. I get this, in a way, because I had a parent who suffered from cancer as well. However, I think I understood because of experience rather than because of your poem. The feelings expressed in your imagery in the first part of the poem don't add up to the end of the poem. The persona seems uncomfortable, afraid, trapped... but I find that it's expressed mildly. I think you need something more powerful in another stanza before the 'hate' stanza. Something expressing something fearful perhaps?

Although, I really did like this. It also made me think and again, you're very brave for writing something like this.

--Nixie

This made me cry. I don't know anyone with cancer personally, but, I pray for those who do. Its so horrible what those with and those around them have to go through.

The tiny pink-puckered dots on your skin,
are places where you let the doctors in,
with their needles and knifes and sterilized faces,
surrounded by wilted flowers in clear vases. You had me tearing up at the first stanza. It seems so sad already. Great job on making the reader feel something.

The ill smell of your room invades my nose,
taking my mind, hitching rides on my clothes. Hitching rides on my clothes confuses me, but that might just be me.
I'm slave to your cause Commabut don't be alarmed,
if when you've been cured you find that I'm harmed. This last line is just so emotional and sad.

Daddy, I don't know what to do anymore,
my tears hold silent congress on the floor,
they want me to know that I should be free
and your cancer shouldn't define me. This is the stanza that got the tears actually rolling down my face. Wonderful job.

I love you-
but I loathe this, I just want you to know,
It makes me hate you but I wont let it show. To hate the cancer in your (or her, I should say rather) father so much that you start to loath your own father is just huge. You wrote this poem very well.

You wrote this poem so wonderfully. Amazing job.

Wow, this is very powerful. My heart sunk a few inches and I swear it stopped beating with the first four lines. Amazing job.

It's sad that a person goes into treatment for one illness and comes out with another. I was aware of the physical side of effects of chemo, but to learn that there are mental side effects as well is very sad. I pray for a cure for cancer, but I also pray that there are healthier ways to treat it until that cure is found. I think you should share this poem outside of this forum as well so a new awareness can hopefully create a new cause.

Hey KatTrain, this poem was pretty intense!

These lines gripped me the most:

"Daddy, I don't know what to do anymore,
my tears hold silent congress on the floor,
they want me to know that I should be free
and your cancer shouldn't define me."

That stanza is just pure brilliance! Great work!