First kiss

I really liked it! It was well written, and captured the way he felt about Amber. It had true passion, and I could feel the moment. You were very descriptive, which only strengthened the piece. Great job!

I wasn't expecting her to die. Everything that I noticed was already pointed out. The imagery was very good, romantic and I loved the sadness of the poem. Very good.!!!It made tears well into my eyes. That must mean the poem was good. It takes alot to make me cry. keep writing!!!

This is really sad You use really good descriptive words to describe the kiss and the ending is just depressing (in a good way?: kinda. i don't know). Never stop writing! You are brilliant! THe only thing i would change is "dipper"...yeah you can see the problem there.

That was amazing. When i got to the end, I'll admit, my eyes were tearing up a little bit. I'm a sucker for poetry and it was cute in the beginning; the twist at the end most definitely made it. I loved the way you used the language, it was definitely different and it had distinct voice which, without that, it would have been just another love poem. You've got a gift, don't be afraid to use it.

I could not love her more
than I did at that point.
I pushed her yellow hair
behind her ear.

She dipper her head;
half smiling, half blushing.
She was astonding,astounding
incredible. . .magical.

Her lips trembled from the cold.
She looked up meeting my gaze.
Her eyes were a sky blue,
the moon reflecting in the iris.

I placed my hand on her cheek.
I shakily leant in,leaned
our lips met,
both shakily, both scared

I really like this poem, especially these lines. Keep writing!!!!!

That was so sad, and unexpected. And if that was real........ im really sorry for your loss. Really great, really passionfilled thank you sooooooo much for sharing.

I really loved this! This was beautiful and heartfelt and every other word that goes with amazing. My only nitpick is that I don't really think he would be telling this to a bunch of funeral goers. I think that it should've been something that was too special to share with anyone else. Other than that it was great!

Cheers,
Luxe

WOW! That is so sad! I love the way that you described that and I think that is a beautiful poem. Great job.

i really liked the poem it was very lovely and hope to get a chance to read more of your poems.

Awww this is cute and sweet. Im just curious did you make this up or did you experience it??? PM me the answer because I might forget to check here for the answer. Well that is if you wanna tell me!! Thanks!!!


-Brittany-

Hello there =]. Here to review a bit. The title had me a little shaky, since romancey things are usually not my thing. But anyway! I found a few grammatical errors, all of which was pointed out by someone else, thank goodness. When looking at the whole thing.. I think you have a pretty solid piece! Nice work =]

Hi!

When I first saw the title, I thought aloud, "I don't think that sounds interesting because it's just a first kiss..."
And after a few seconds, something told me that this must be on the front page for a reason.

This is fantastic.

(OK, I don't know how to make those professional comments, but I love this.)

Hey! Great work with the poem, I really liked it. I loved the way you described her, the color of her hair, the way she was smiling, the way you touched her, the way you gazed at each other, the way your lips were moving, the moonlit night. I could go on and on like this but I won't 'cause I need to point out some minor mistakes and don't sweat 'cause otherwise it was great poem, it is and it will be.

She dipper her head;

I don't get the word 'dipper' here. You've used it as though (from what I understood) to lower her head but it actually means to scoop and I don't think dipper is the correct word here. It really is messing it up.

She was astonding,

The word you've used here: 'astonding' is not a word. I think the word you intended here was 'astounding', If I am correct.

Her lips trembled from the cold.

There should be 'comma' here and not a 'full stop', it sounds bit odd reading it with a 'full stop', because it requires a small pause, not a long one.

Our mouths more agape,

I don't get the use of the word 'agape' here. It means 'astonished', 'astounding' or 'open-mouthed'. Your mouth cannot be astonished or astounding so, the first two are out. The next is open-mouthed and you can't be open-mouthed when you're kissing. Can you? I don't think so. So please explain that.

"I love you too."She smiled,

I think what you should put a'comma' after 'too'.

and saw her;Amber.

I don't see 'semi-colon' fitting in here. You should really consider changing it.
If I were writing it, I would write something like:

and saw the beautiful girl lying;
my beautiful Amber lying.

or something along those lines. You can simply use a 'comma', a 'colon' or a 'hyphen' instead, it would work too.

By the way, I loved the way you ended it. It was sad but it was really beautiful and emotional. I loved the your idea of introducing the girl, Amber from the story of your first kiss and ending it with her funeral.

Loved the poem. Keep writing....

-rooh-

Aww that's so sad. The poem was wonderful though. I loved it. Especially the ending. There were a couple mistakes but everyone before me has already pointed them out. Wonderful poem

Keep on Writing
-Roxy