First kiss

The moonlight shone down
onto her pale, beautiful face.
Her firm jaw framing her
perfect smile.

I could not love her more
than I did at that point.
I pushed her yellow hair
behind her ear.

She dipper her head;
half smiling, half blushing.
She was astonding,
incredible. . .magical.

Her lips trembled from the cold.
She looked up meeting my gaze.
Her eyes were a sky blue,
the moon reflecting in the iris.

I placed my hand on her cheek.
I shakily leant in,
our lips met,
both shakily, both scared.

Her lips were warm;
tasting of strawberries.
Our lips didn't part,
we kept kissing.

Our mouths opening more,
kissing more and more.
Our mouths more agape,
fueling our passion.

Our passion increased,
I pulled her in closer,
we clung onto each other tightly.
It was perfect.

We finally moved apart,
seeing each other once more.
She could not have looked more perfect.
"I love you," she whispered,
it was barely audible ,yet filled my body with warmth.

"I love you too." She smiled,
it was perfect. She was perfect.
The night was perfect.

"That was the night of our first kiss."
I looked out to see the funeral procession,
some weeping, some smiling.
I turned to the open coffin,
and saw her;Amber.

She still looked as beautiful,
and I had loved her more everyday,
since the night of,
our first kiss.

Hey there!!

Well I must say this made me cry!!! Wow T.T nice job haha. This was beautiful and made me smile and cry at the same time...not an easy feat that. Haha. I can't find anything wrong seriously with your grammar. It seems alright in my opinion XD. So yay. Got to say these were my favorite parts.

The moonlight shone down
onto her pale, beautiful face.
Her firm jaw framing her
perfect smile.

"I love you too." She smiled,
it was perfect. She was perfect.
The night was perfect.

I could not love her more
than I did at that point.
I pushed her yellow hair
behind her ear.

Very amazing to me XD. Anyways I hope to read more of your poems soon. Keep up the good work. Happy Writing and Buenas Suerte! Sayonara and best of wishes.
Soulkana<3

Wow. This poem was so beautiful. The words were very descriptive; I could see what was happening in the poem in my head( like a mental video!) There were a few spelling errors, but other than that, it was wonderful. The ending almost brought me to tears. Its was very sweet. Keep writing!

Hello there. I've got nitpicks for you:

The moonlight shone down
onto her pale, beautiful face.
Her firm jaw framing her
perfect smile.

- I'm not really good with semi-colons but, I think it's more correct to use one after 'face'.
- Anyway, I think this is a pretty good opening.

I pushed her yellow hair
behind her ear.

- Maybe, it's just me, but I'm not comfortable with the word 'pushed' there. o.o xD

She dipper her head;

- Did you mean 'dipped'?

She was astonding,

- Correction: 'astounding'

She looked up meeting my gaze.

- Put a comma after 'up' since 'looked up'.

it was barely audible ,yet filled my body with warmth.

- You had a typo with the comma there.

"I love you too." She smiled,

- You should end this dialogue with a comma, then type the 'S' in 'She' in small caps.

and saw her;Amber.

- You forgot to put a space after the semi-colon. Also, I don't think a semi-colon is the correct punctuation mark here. Perhaps, a hyphen (or a colon)?


I don't know if I actually like this poem, but I think it's interesting to read. It's somewhat awkward for me to read because of all the kisses. o.o I haven't had my first kiss. (XD) But the last part ended the awkwardness for me. I didn't expect it and it was really sad. You did a nice job at making that twist in the poem. I thought it was gonna be all about the kissing and kissing but then, I got taken off-guard by the ending. I don't know about the flow of the poem. o.o It felt a little rough. It felt like it was too free-verse that it seems more of a short story than a poem. Anyway, I like the way you described in the poem. It feels natural.

Never stop writing!

Whoa. I was not expecting that ending. You had the beginning be completely and total bliss and joy, and then the ending was all sadness....
A few nitpicks.

I could not love her more
than I did at that point.
I pushed her yellow hair
behind her ear.
Maybe choose a different word other than yellow here. It just seemed a little bland.

She dipper her head;dipped?
half smiling, half blushing.
She was astonding,astounding
incredible. . .magical.

Her lips trembled from the cold.
She looked up meeting my gaze.
Her eyes were a sky blue,
the moon reflecting in the iris.

I placed my hand on her cheek.
I shakily leant in,leaned
our lips met,
both shakily, both scared.

You had shakily twice in here. Try replacing one of them with a different word, because it seemed a little redundant to me.
Overall, great job! Keep it up!

I loved this poem and the way it flowed. Your descriptions and imagery were amazing, while there were a couple typos I suggest you just go through and read it over and you would be able to see them. This piece was really beautiful and sad, I liked the twist at the end it made for a really great poem! Thanks for posting!
Peace,
Snickerdooly

P.S- Congrats on this being featured

I really liked this poem. I believe it was a ballad? Or am I wrong? but anyways, this was a excellent piece Ross. I hope you do more items like this one. ^_^

nice....feelings in the piece are very touching.

I love it! Amazing Imagery, amazing ending, ladies and gentlemen we have a new William Shakespeare!

Though I did notice a few teensy tiny mistakes:

She dipper her head;
half smiling, half blushing.
She was astonding,
incredible. . .magical.

First one I think "dipped"? not sure how a person can dip their head, anyway I'm not the poet here

But I'm definite that the second one should be astounding

Our mouths opening more,
kissing more and more.
Our mouths more agape,
fueling our passion.

You repeated the word more waaay too many times there

Loved the poem! Keep up the good work!

~~Destiny110

This was a good read. Loved it. It was sad too, in just a good way. But just a little bit cliche though. Keep it up!

So sweet, but oh, so sad! I was near tears! I loved it, great job!

Very nice! Well done! *Sniff* (I could hear music playing while I read this!)

Keep Writing,
~FW~

This was wonderful, i almost cried, almost, but, i think the ending was very amazing, i bet NO ONE saw that comming XD

Okay I'm sorry to say but I saw the ending coming. It was so sweet so I guessed something twisted was coming up. I mean, it can't all be about kissing. I loved the beginning, the passion in it, but the ending was lacking that description. That made me sad. I want to see her cold dead body, have him/her (hey, I don't know the gender) touch her skin and feel his/her grief. That said, you could be more descriptive in the ending. It was just too breif for me and I wanted to know more. I didn't feel like crying and I know you wanted that reaction.

Still pretty good. I did enjoy it a lot.

This is sooooo good! I did also nearly cry and it was so romantic. Any girl would be lucky to have you and the girl you wrote this for must be bawling with tears! I know I would be. You're descriptive about her face and the kiss and the ending. Your description never ended which is great! I'm proud of you