Dwindling Mind

Tranquility, peace, clarity.
I find inside my soul.
Whenever I take a big breath
I feel serene and whole.

To think about my lungs and heart
As I breath the thin, sweet air.
To think about the wind, so strong
Running crazily through my hair.

I look around at the ants and trees
And get such inspiration.
Running into people in the hall
As I dream my poetic creations.

So, I just read like three of your poems, and I'm pretty sure you've been looking inside my head and describing what you see. Haha I can relate so much to your writing, especially this one. It's really beautiful and your imagery is lovely.

Tranquility, peace, clarity. You overuse your fullstops a little. Maybe use a semi-colon or something because these lines should be linked, they are not stand alone sentences.
I find inside my soul.
Whenever I take a big breath big doesn't quite seem to sit right, maybe deep?
I feel serene and whole.

To think about my lungs and heart
As I breath the thin, sweet air.
To think about the wind, so strong
Running crazily through my hair. I love this; such pretty pictures you paint. The only thing is the word 'crazily'. The rest of the verse was very serene so I'm not sure if it quite fits. Depends what effect you're going for.

And that's all the suggestions I have. I really love this poem! I walk into people all the time because my mind is elsewhere. Hehe

Nice work! Kepp it up.

-Em

My goodness I love this poem. It's simplicity and language is great.
The only suggestion I have is to revise some lines to help the flow and add some more fitting vocabulary. Other than that, I have no suggestions. Thanks for the read!

This poem was interesting, to say the least. It seems like you wrote down really pretty pink and blue thoughts. I really enjoyed reading this.

Tranquility, peace, clarity.
I find inside my soul.
Whenever I take a big breath
I feel serene and whole.

I adore the first line. Though, after clarity, there should be a comma instead of a period, seeing as you continue the sentence into the next line. The last two lines were really awesome, as well.

To think about my lungs and heart
As I breath the thin, sweet air.
To think about the wind, so strong
Running crazily through my hair.

I love this stanza. You wrote it very well, and it seems like there's some kind of innocence in it. I love it.

I look around at the ants and trees
And get such inspiration.
Running into people in the hall
As I dream my poetic creations.

Poetic creations is a very interesting way to put ideas, or even day dreams. I also love the way you talk about how peaceful and inspirational nature is. The last two lines show just how much of a day dreamer the person this poem is describing is. Wonderful, wonderful job.

hello =) I think is poem is really pretty =) I like the imagry your put in and the happiness =D My favourite line was
To think about the wind, so strong
Running crazily through my hair.
I thought it was great =] I really liked the rhyme too, it made it really flowly and interesting. I love this poem! Theres nothing wrong with it =) I really liked reading it =D