Writing

Spoiler

This poem isn't really supposed to be layed out in stanza's, this is how I actually intended it to be layed out I'm not just being lazy! Please voice your opinion -good or bad- I'd really like to hear a truthful opinion rather than a forced comment that means nothing. Also please let me know if I have made any grammar mistakes! Thanks a lot From CuteJackRussell

My pen makes contact with the paper,
leaving a black flowing line of meaning.
The words spiral around my head,
joy sweeps over me like paint on canvas
and I feel excitement brewing in my stomache.
I scribble away madly,
the words like a cure for my sadness.

Light is instantly revealed to me,
and my pain is washed away.
Words form in my mind,
my imagination is soaring and I feel enlightened.
Happiness inhabits my heart and soul,
the language arranging itself perfectly,
before my eyes in a blend of wonder.

I sit back and stare at the page,
looking back at my creation.
I begin to improve it and change
what should be changed,
feeling pain as I see the flaws in my writing.
But joy when I look at the interesting language,
Grabbing me in and filling me with pleasure.

Nothing is more fulfilling,
or as exciting as this art.
I can find nothing more pleasing.
Or as perfect as when I start,
to write my minds song.
I have never felt as happy,
as when i am sitting at my desk ready to write...

CuteJackRussell wrote:My pen takes contact with the paper,

This line sounds a bit awkward, I think the problem is with the word 'takes'. Wouldn't 'makes' make more sense and flow?

CuteJackRussell wrote:and I feel excitment brewwing in my stomache.

I'm pretty sure 'brewing' is with one w.

CuteJackRussell wrote:the words like a cure for my sadness.

Personally, I would put a comma after 'words'.

CuteJackRussell wrote:I am instantly injected with light

Injected sounds a bit awkward here. I'd use filled, but that words seems a bit flat. What about reword it a bit to 'I am instantly taken up by light'?

CuteJackRussell wrote:Happiness inhabits my heart and soul,

I love this line here. Described writing perfectly .

Okay, so, some lines does sound a bit awkward, I think I've pointed most of the out above. I liked the tone you used for the poem, you potrayed writing as a lot of fun. Which is good. I don't have any major critique with this poem .

Hey there, CuteJackRussel! *busts out the giant red pen* Shall I begin?



Okay, I actually don’t think I’ll be putting any red marks on this, except perhaps this lil’ red guy.
Oh he’s cute and I think I made that face when I saw that you wrote a poem, about, well, writing.

It’s not perfect, but it’s the thought that counts after all. Miracles made some great points as far as nitpicks go when it came to grammar. To me, it feels like you wrote this in a bit of a rush and didn’t take the time to really read and edit it yourself but left the work to YWS. Even if that isn’t the case it does feel that way if you don’t really try to do your best grammatically.

But I like the heart that you put into it. It’s obvious from the reader’s point of view that you do obviously enjoy writing and that it brings out such emotion for you (as I’m such much of YWS can agree with) but editing and re-editing should have the same effect for you as well.

If you need anything, I’m sure you can figure out how to reach me!

Describes the feeling of writing to a Tee! Wonderful job.