I hate love poems

*Edited version*

I hate love poems
Trite
Overdone
Too many
Way too many
I don’t like writing love poems
I don’t write love poems
It worked pretty well and I did pretty well
For years
And years
Then came you

I don’t want to write a poem about you
I try to write about other things
But you are all I think about
You are the fog inside my brain
Get out of my head!
I feel
Stupid, banal, just another doe eyed deer
Waiting to be shot
I don’t want to write a love poem
But the pen writes with blood from the heart
And sometimes it bleeds the red of roses

I like the idea behind it, but the poem is lacking stanzas, and flow. I like the last two lines the best, very good metaphor. Keep writing, write from your heart, but edit your work.

Howdy! I'm Walker, here with a review, so I hope you don't mind :3.

And let me start off with that I absolutely adore the idea of this poem. I always loved poems that were the 'I am not going to write about this but I'm writing about this' kind, where it was a sort of meaningful contradition. In that sense, I was pleased.

But there are some aspects in need of work.

Firstly, I would like to point out, surprisingly, the last two lines of your poem. Normally, I wouldn't think twice on the repetition of words when it comes to poetry, but the re-usage of the word 'bleeds' annoyed me to some degree. Maybe the close proximity? Or the fact that I'm more a prose writer than anything else? I really shan't say why, but it definitely didn't appeal to me in a poetic stance.

That and you give this interesting impression, but what does a heart bleeding the colour of red roses have to do with the rest of your topic? I understand its imagery. Imagery is fanastic in poetry. Just don't sacrafice the idea or topic you have for a pretty line. In this case, that last line really took away from the overall message, in my eyes. I couldn't care less whether blood is red.

Next, I would like to note upon structure. Here you have a free-versed poem where you push the barriers of poetic license. Sometimes this is good. I adore it when poets try to show an interesting, less formalized version of what most wouldn't necessarily see as the cookie-cutter poem. In this case, though, your lack of imagery and diction sort of makes the free-versedness of this a bit of a faulty. Bring on the flow and the structure. Anyone can sit and write a jumbled mind process and spread it out in a way that looks kind of nice, but in the long run, you've got nothing but a paragraph. I want to see this as a poem but until you start working on your poetic devices and stylizations, its just not really in that catagory for me yet.

That does not mean I didn't enjoy this! You had a lovely topic and you used some pretty words, like trite. I would have prefered to see this in prose, though.

~Walker

Hello there,

This is really true and something quite relevant to today's society where everything seems to be focused on one or two individual aspects of life. This is really good because it expresses your opinion without the poetry seeming forced. One thing this did lack though was a proper layout. The organisation of this was really messy. The poem was nice but it was pulled down by the fact that it didn't flow as it should have. Another recommendation would be to edit this more. The grammar was good but it could have been improved in many ways. Other than those few points I thought it was exceptional. It used great language and is true to itself, nice work.

From CuteJackRussell

I actually love reading poems that are all about "I hate this, but I'm going to write about it anyway." So, first, thumbs up to that. I think that the flow was a little bit shaky at the beginning, but was better more towards the end. It seemed a bit odd to me to have a full sentence, and then only go to saying one word. After "Then came you", it was very good. Great start with this! Keep writing!

This was really good, I must say. The theme was interesting and I absolutely loved the last two lines, even though part of me feels the second to last could be altered a little, but I don't know how. One correction I would like to suggest: you used trite twice. While it is okay to reuse words in a poem, trite is highly descriptive and very unique. Personally, I believe that a more vicious, barbed word like smarmy, cliche, worn, hackneyed, or commonplace would work better. And boring is...well...boring. Tedious, dull, tiresome, or dreary may work better. Aside from those few word choices, I think this was very well written. Keep it up!

Thanks for all the great critiques! I took everything into consideration

For future viewers, I have edited the poem above. Your imput is greatly appreciated!

LOL that poem was great it said nothing but the truth and I loved it!!