Are you rejecting me?

Spoiler

We were taking up Thomas Wyatt, Sidney and Shakespeare for British Lit. This is a play on the Blazon, wherein the writer lists all the pleasing qualities of his beloved. Now, I'm quite sure the lover was quite handsome too.

How dare you say I am not fit
To love someone like you?
Is there a vital thing I’ve missed
A thing I did not do?

Who would refuse the golden locks
And sheen of my blonde hair?
What foolish maid would dare say no
To one so fine and fair?

Why! My skin is of the finest silk,
The softest in the land!
I think that I may even say;
It's softer than your hands.

Yet you refuse a treasure trove
And say I am not fit;
Well, I say rejecting me
Displays your lack of wit.

So dear madam, I take my leave;
Bewail my leaving form,
I’m sure that once I’ve left this place
Your heart will be all torn.

I can honestly say I really enjoyed this poem. I can't complain about anything and just felt I should comment to tell you how much I liked it.
And if I may put my input on the situation I would like to say that whoever rejected you deserves to be given this poem to realize plain as day what they missed. And I also must say that your writing is amazing. (:
-Hayley

Hey there, Pervy here! I enjoyed this poem, and there's nothing too exceptional that I could say of it. It was cheerful to read, which is always fun. Now, for the miniscule "critique(?)" there was this one part:

"Why! My skin is of the finest silk,
The softest in the land!
I think that I may even say;
They're softer than your hands."

I'm not sure about using a plural for speaking about your own skin (Do correct me if I'm wrong). "It's softer than..."

Anyways, aside from that minor detail that caught my eye, this was overall sound.

Keep up the good work!

-Pervy

I really liked it! I is showing who you are and you aren't changing for someone, and/or you can't change for someone. Keep writing I really enjoyed that poem, I loved the flow of the pattern, and how it elegantly flowed. Kep writing, cause your awesome at it!

--- wow! I definitely like this poem! Really explains well what a man would sometimes think when they get rejected.



-- speechless, speechless, speechless...

.....you only need 6 likes and 3 comments to be featured? O.o

But yeah, this was excellent. I especially liked...... all of it.

Is there a vital thing I’ve missed
A thing I did not do?

Maybe put a comma after the first line.


....same goes for the last part of the next stanza.

Yet, you refuse a treasure trove,

Optional.

Bewail my leaving form,

The "Why!" in one of the previous stanzas makes me think an exclamation point would fit here nicely.



I think this deserves the feature. It's well written, and it flows well-- oops, that reminds me of something.

Well, I say rejecting me
Displays your lack of wit.

I think it might flow even better if you added a "you" after "say", but it's good as-is.

Anyway,this is a very nice piece. The arrogance isn't completely overpowering, for some reason-- maybe it's your style, or maybe it's the fact that so many people are absolutely crushed by rejection, so it's nice to see someone say, "Well! You obviously don't know what you're talking about."

To which I say, well done. Normally I can't stand arrogance, but this was very enjoyable to read. Thanks for posting it.

I liked this! I am not sure if it was meant to be humorous, but especially this stanza...

Why! My skin is of the finest silk,
The softest in the land!
I think that I may even say;
It's softer than your hands.

...made me laugh. This overall poem amused me, and was quite a short, somewhat simple, yet a funny and witty piece. Good job!

Yes. Yes I am.

Thank you everyone.

Ah, Volt, you break my heart. It's my birthday today, my friend, please want me?:)

Wow I love this great job!!!

Hello there. I've only got two nitpicks for you:

How dare you say I am not fit
To love someone like you?
Is there a vital thing I’ve missed
A thing I did not do?

- This came too early or was just too quick. But I think this can catch the reader's interest.
- Also there should be a question mark or a comma after 'missed'.

It's softer than your hands.

- I think this isn't the best rhyme for 'land'. Hmm.



I like the 'turn' starting at the second verse. At the first verse, the persona seemed to be the 'victim', but at the next verse, it was the persona who was so boastful and proud of himself. xD I think this poem is unique because of that, the fact that the persona or the main character isn't actually what you think a nice person or a protagonist would be. Personally, I don't like the character of the persona. He's not someone I would like basing on this poem. I actually am not sure if I would click 'Like' on the poem because of that lol. But I would just want to know more about the story in the poem. Well, maybe, the girl left the guy because of his personality. Another thing is, I like the imagery you put in the poem, more especially in the second verse. Anyway, the poem does seem Shakespearean.

Never stop writing!

Konnichiwa~

Ok I really absolutely loved this poem. Odd right? Usually I'm not a poetry reviewer since I just love reading them and can never say I liked this because or I didn't like this and such is. Anyways I wanted to point out you did well with this...a few things I picked out that made me read it over a couple of times but its all good. lol.

It's softer than your hands.

I think it would have been better with they're...since I thought it was referring to hands? But if its referring to the skin then it would be right. Either way I thought it was confusing just because I didn't exactly understand what "it's" was referring too.

Well, I say rejecting me

I say you need the would you after say. It sounds more I don't know. But saying "I say you rejecting me..." Sounds a bit better but that's a suggestion and I don't think it particularly needs to be there was something I found.

Anyways I really liked it and I can't wait to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work and Buenas Suerte!! Happy Writing and Best of wishes!! Sayonara.
Soulkana<3

Wow, I love this. It's emotional and beautiful

I really enjoyed reading this piece. Write more like this.

Keep Writing!

Nike

This poem is really funny and extremely catchy!! The rhythm is great and I can hear the voice in my head. Really great job! No criticism here!

Haha, I imagine the aftermath, she shows him the poem and goes, "and you wonder why I rejected you!! Selfish son of a-" hahahaha. This was thoroughly entertaining. Nothing like I expected. But billiant. Congrats on the featuring.