Happiness

Happiness
Is lying on the grass
Cool and prickly to your fingertips
With a warm sun above

Happiness
Is listening to the birds
Singing out their music
Finally free of winter

Happiness
Is seeing flowers grow
An array of colors
For the world's pleasure

Happiness
Is peace
With nowhere to go
And all the time in the world

Happiness
Is springtime
When the world breaks free of winter
And new life abounds

Happiness
Is lying on the grass
With your hand in mine
And a night sky overhead

Spoiler

A quick poem that I wrote while I was outside in the best weather that South Dakota has had this year. Please comment!

Hey there Mello!

So first, let me tell you that I picked your poem then immediately went and turned the song "Happiness" on by The Fray. Haha! Anywho... I won't go into too much depth because honestly, this poem doesn't need a whole lot of detailed, nit-pick, review. It accomplishes it's purpose, to a degree. Happiness, it is supposed to be a feel good poem, yes? That was exactly what it did for me, so congratz, that worked.

I had one problem. The last stanza. It just felt so out of place. It turned the poem from something not love to love in like seconds, and really left the reader utterly confused. If there were lines like "Is lying on the grass with you" and actually told a whole story it wouldn't be a problem. But because there is no mention of a person, then suddenly there is, it is just strange.

I had one wish. That you would have used a little more imagery, and descriptive words. It was a little bland, but it wasn't terrible bland, so it got by. Just something to consider.

It was really well written as far as grammar is concerned. The message was clear until the last stanza when it changed. So I don't know, my only problem was the last stanza. Hope I was of help, if you have any questions or comments, let me know.

-HostofHorus

Thanks for your review! Yeah, I wasn't quite sure how to end it, and when I wrote it, it seemed okay, but I wasn't quite pleased with it. Would this work better? Sort of revisiting the first stanza?

Happiness
Is lying on the grass
With your hand in mine
And a night sky overhead

I actually kind of sort of love that. It fits into the poem and it does bring in the love aspect in a nice way. I say keep it!

Very nice, very nice. I really actually liked some of the feeling words you used: describing what your senses are assaulted with while you're (presumably) sitting outside during a beautiful day. You lead up to what you're thinking and finally maybe what you're dreaming?... No idea, just speculation. Very well writ. Simply writ, but that makes it even better.