I am wearing my mother's dress

Spoiler

First, it is 1 in the morning and I am sleepy and watching Persuasion at the same time but I had an urge to write something for mother's day. I don't know if I should give this to my mom since it's still so rough so if you've any suggestions, they'd be appreciated.

I don’t recall, but mother says that once I was small
And my pillow would be the hem of her dress;
I would sit below her chair and lay on her knees
And hide my face in the folds of her skirt.
The silk would soothe me, the cloth would bathe me
And I would sleep on the crook of her arm;
Inhaling the scent of newly washed clothes that embrace me
And keeps me warm.

She still wears that dress that fragrantly warns
Of the rules she has ironed and washed;
I no longer sleep in the crook of her arm nor walk into
Her perfumed embrace. You see, I am taller now
And often I think that I myself can wear her dress;
But still I feel small and again I recall:
Mother always, will wear it best.

Seeing as this is for mother's day, I'll be nice . Just kidding! I love your poetry .

So, lets get this review started!

First off, I would like to compliment you on an interesting topic and a rather strong second stanza! Its usually the first stanza, I find, that holds the most power whilst any behind it sort of fade out in the strong light of what you put forth initially. So cudos to you on that!

But, as I read this over a couple times, I found that the first stanza was more of an ill-spaced paragraph than actual poetry. You give description and a story, but those two aspects could easily be used in prose. In fact, this poem could have been a lovely monologue written to your mother instead. Thats what pulled me back from really loving this poem, I found.

Also, you jump tensing quite a bit. This, even in poetry, should always be watched and fixed when necessary. For example;

Inhaling the scent of newly washed clothes that embrace me
And keeps me warm.

This sounded way off because of the tensing you used. You should either have 'embraces' or 'keep'. Because of this strange tensing, it cuts the flow off. One of a writers greatest tools is their ability to use the proper grammar and punctuation when necessary.

Which brings me to my next point.

You appear to skip the whole idea of commas in areas they are needed. Though in poetic license, one does free up the ability to use punctuation at the end of sentences, in this case I found the storyline and the way it was worded to be so too the point that punctuation became necessary. There shouldn't be a line that has no form up punctuation behind it. That being said, if there are lines without punctuation behind them, theres a good chance its because you decided not to add a comma for affect. Add one in there.

So, all in all, my only nit-picks are pretty much towards your structure. You give pretty imagery and an interesting feel which is sometimes lost in poetry, of which I found you often put in your work and make strong. Probably why you're one of my favourite YWS poets. So keep working on your structure and poetic devices. In this case, maybe shy away from poetry and write a interesting testimony or monologue? It would be just as lovely as a poem in any case ^_^.

~Walker

That was really, really sweet and cute.

I don’t recall, but mother says that once I was small
And my pillow would be the hem of her dress;
I would sit below her chair and lay on her knees Sit below her chair and still lay on her knees isn't really possible. Maybe change it to something like, "I would sit below her chair and rest my head on her knees," or something like that.
And hide my face in the folds of her skirt.
The silk would soothe me, the cloth would bathe me
And I would sleep on the crook of her arm;
Inhaling the scent of newly washed clothes that embrace me
And keeps me warm. This was so adorably precious.

She still wears that dress that fragrantly warns
Of the rules she has ironed and washed;
I no longer sleep in the crook of her arm nor walk into
Her perfumed embrace. You see, I am taller now
And often I think that I myself can wear her dress;
But still I feel small and again I recall:
Mother always, will wear it best. The comma after always isn't really needed.

I really enjoyed this poem. Like the first reviewer said, you didn't seem to add many commas. In my opinion, though, it's completely up to you if you want to add more dramatic effect or keep it as just as a simple, sweet poem. Either way, it's adorable and sweet. Well done.