Popped Cherry

I taste the familiar salt
freshly transfered from me
to you to me again.

I feel a dull thud
beneath your flesh
that increases with
each sand that falls
in the hourglass.

I feel the rush
that tickles my stomach
just like your fingers would.

I taste the nothingness
as you shove
and cause the
gagging to begin.

I feel the pressure
that turns
to sharp pain as you use you hands.

I try to stop you
as the pain increases
as your fingers break me
causing the red fluid to leave me.

I make you stop
because I'm not ready
for that kind of love.

I don't really know what to say about this...if this is about rape like i think it is....then i really don't have anything to say. that's not a bad thing. It's just, it is a really touchy subject for me. So i'd rather not comment. Good luck in your writing.

This seems less about rape and more about saying that your just not ready.

Flower~Child wrote:I make you stop
because I'm not ready
for that kind of love.

This is how I see it anyway. It's an odd choice of topic for a poem, not one I see often.
It can be hard to comment on the subject matter but oh well. Keep up the good writing.

i'm not really sure what to think... It seems like it could be about so many different things, so, meh, i guess i really don't have much to say either, but good luck

Hey there, Flower! I'll be a bit different and have something to say, how's that sound?!

I taste the familiar salt
freshly transfered from me
to you to me again.

I want to start off and commend you for a brilliant beginning. Those words "you" "me" and even"us" can be more powerful than people think but I'm happy to see you've used them!


As far as the middle goes, I want to talk about the simplicity effect. Sometimes the more simple the language used is, the more powerful the words become. Like what I mentioned with "you" and "me." They're small words but they evoke a very personal feeling if they are used right. Words that, although they may seem cliche, words like "love" and "fear" and "simple" can have more power than "adoration" "apprehension" and "intelligible." So when you used phrases like:

causing the red fluid
sand that falls/in the hourglass
I feel a dull thud

Digging into the words you used when you were five can have delightful impact.

I make you stop
because I'm not ready
for that kind of love.

I half love and half unlove your ending. "I make you stop" doesn't have the same simplicity effect as "me/to you to me again." but the remainder, "I'm not ready/for that kind of love" is a very powerful bit of poetic and I really it.

Anyways, if you have any questions, just let me know.