Grandparents House

During summer
at my grandparents house
if you sit below
the maple tree
you can see
the glowing leaves
like
green flames
if you sit quietly
on the lawn
you can hear
the loon's
powerful voices
and the trickling
stream running
into the pond
I wonder if the
peace will last forever
it brings ever lasting
joy
to sit by the fire
with my family
during summer
at my grandparents house

Spoiler

there is suppose to be no puncation

I really liked this. It was good, in a different kind of way. A turn off for me was the no punctuation, but I get that was what you were going for. The one thing that bothered me was the only I in there wasn't capitalized. Fix that, and your all set for an original, really good poem.

This is a very original poem and it was kind of disappointing that there weren't any punctuations at all but I get that was what you wanted to do. Anyway, let's get on with it!

During summer
at my grandparnts house - grandparents'
if you sit below
the maple tree
you can see
the glowing leaves
like
green flames
if you sit quitely -quietly
on the lawn
you can hear
the loon's
powerful voices
and the trickling
stream running
into the pond
i wonder if the
peace will last forever
it brings ever lasting
joy
to sit by the fire
with my family
during summer
at my grandparents house - grandparents'

If you noticed that I'd put an apostrophe after the word grandparents this is because it is needed to show possession. Besides, those little typos I think you're set. And also, I wanted to ask about the title. Is it really supposed the be 'grandpants'? Shouldn't it be grandparents?

That's all, hope it helps. Happy writing and welcome to YWS!!

Hey new memeber! Welcome! First of all, I really liked this piece. The concept was lovely and it was well executed. Erm..I think your title needs re-spelling: grandpants? Grandparents. Yanni has put forward all the mistakes in this piece that need correcting. Anyways, well done. Keep writing, and remember: watch your spelling! If you have any question ect don't hesitate to leave me a comment or drop me a line via PM.
~ Amelia

During summer
at my grandparents houseif you sit belowthe maple tree
you can see
the glowing leaves
like
green flames
if you sit quietly
on the lawn
you can hear
the loon'spowerful voices
and the trickling
stream running
into the pond
I wonder if the
peace will last forever
it brings ever lasting
joy
to sit by the fire
with my family
during summer
at my grandparents house

i already reviewed this at school so you know what i think about it.
i think it is great.

I loved it. It was original, descriptive, and peaceful. I had a great image in my mind of where you were and I liked the way you conveyed your thoughts. Well done.

I liked it alot. I don't think you need to change anything. my favorite part is

if you sit below
the maple tree
you can see
the glowing leaves
like
green flames

I can see it in my head. I can't remember the name of the book it reminds me of, I did a power point on it 2 years ago.