Broken Glass Girl

She was born with a glass heart.
Harsh words enough to make it break,
And when it fell apart,
They left it shattered in their wake.
She gets on her knees,
To fix herself on her own;
But she cuts and bleeds,
She can’t be whole alone.

She was born with a glass heart,
Shattered by words they’ve spoken
It hurts to make a start,
Fixing what is broken;
Until she was found,
She was on her own;
He picks her up off the ground,
So she won’t have to be alone.

He doesn’t just pass,
He puts her back together;
But he keeps a piece of glass,
And now she’s his forever.
He makes her feel she matters,
He’ll hold her whole world,
And never let it shatter.
She is his broken glass girl.

He holds the shards,
Safely in his hands;
It will be hard,
That much he understands.
But he couldn’t let her go,
He had to fix her heart;
He had to let her know,
It’s ok to fall apart.

That was beautifully written. You really have a way with words, and everything in this poem just seemed to flow together beautifully. Wonderful job. My eyes were glued to the computer screen the whole time. Well done.

Hey Snook!

Ok, let me start by saying, I love this. Like really, I do. I feel like a lot of guys are just flat out rude to girls, and I hate it more when girls let them treat them that way... So I liked reading this. Some stuff to fix!

Red: Grammar
Purple: Suggestions/Questions

She was born with a glass heart.
Harsh words enough to make it break, This was a little confusing.
And when it fell apart,
They left it shattered in their wake. Who is they? Maybe try to explain this, give a back story. I think it would work well.
She gets on her knees,
To fix herself on her own;
But she cuts and bleeds,
She can’t be whole alone.

She was born with a glass heart,
Shattered by cruel words spoken. I think this line needs some work, it is just I don't know... Awkward?
It hurts to make a start,
Fixing what is broken;
Until she was found,
She was on her own;
He picks her up off the ground,
So she won’t have to be alone.

He doesn’t just pass,
He puts her back together;
But he keeps a piece of glass,
And now she’s his forever.
Makes her feel like she matters, Again revise. maybe this? "He makes her feel she matters,
He’ll hold her whole world, The rhythm is a little strange in this line.
And never let it shatter.
She’s his broken glass girl. I would consider taking out the contraction.

He holds the shards,
Safely in his hands;
It will be hard,
That much he understands.
But he couldn’t let her go,
He had to fix her heart;
He had to let her know,
It’s ok to fall apart.

I really love that last stanza the most! But in any case, good job. Remember to try and put punctuation in things. It makes it have a flow and allows readers to pause rather than read read read straight through like I am making you do in this here sentence that I am writing or is it typing? So yeah... Just try to remember punctuation. If you have any questions, let me know!

-HostofHorus

Hello again Spook! I went browsing through the forums, and I saw another poem by you, and I couldn't click it fast enough! haha. I really loved this poem, and I think it's almost as good, if not better than "Teenage Emergency." Now, let's get down to details...

She was born with a glass heart
Harsh words enough to make it break
And when it fell apart
They left it shattered in their wake

I really like this beginning. It gives the sense of someone so sensitive that their heart can be so easily broken, just like glass. I'm a pretty sensitive guy I'd say, so I sympathize with the glass heart. And the rhyme scheme makes it flow very easily and in-tune with the narrative. I like it a lot!

She was born with a glass heart
Shattered by cruel words spoken
It hurts to make a start
Fixing what is broken
Until she was found
She was on her own
He picks her up off the ground
So she won’t have to be alone

This is a really good stanza too. Very sweet and emotional, and I love the third and fourth lines. They just flow together and sound so good!

He doesn’t just pass
He puts her back together
But keeps a piece of glass
And now she’s his forever

This is a really great passage here. It makes me feel very emotional reading it, especially the first two lines. I also like the third line as well. I get the image of him taking a little sliver from her heart and keeping it in his pocket, so she'll always be whole with him. I love it love it!

But he couldn’t let her go
He had to fix her heart
He had to let her know
It’s ok to fall apart

Again, another fantastic ending! You have a gift for closing things out I absolutely love the las two lines. They just make me want to cry! It's so sweet and adorable! I wish I could write something so beautiful. I really really like this poem, and I'm so glad you're putting up your writing on the site. It's truly a gift to us all!

Like I said, I'm SOCKS, and you know you can always message me if you want a review or a word of advice or kindness!
- SOCKS

Hiya!!! I really enjoyed the flow to this poem, it felt like lyrics to me, almost a sort of rap. As a reader, I was very engaged from the time I read the title to the very end. You paint a beautiful picture with words! My only suggestion would be some punctuation. I didn't read the previous comments, so maybe they touched on that. Great ending! It held strong till the very end. Marvelous! Keep writing!

-Butterfinger

Hi Spook, I'm Forti(:

Lemme just say that your poem was good. A few awkward sentences, though. For example:

Spook said:
But keeps a piece of glass
And now she’s his forever

There are also some grammatical issues (I won't get into it.) But, * ugh * there is a stunning lack of punctuation in this piece. Punctuation really helps define how the writer is feeling, so I would recommend adding some. Without it, you have a huge poem that is just one looonng run-on sentence. May I say, please no!

Continue writing!

Beautiful job, I really enjoyed this! The descriptions and wording were wonderfully done. Well done my dear, great job and good luck on your future writes.

beautifully written.