Teenage Emergency

Unbelievably amazing! I loved this! I went right back to the top and read it again once I was done!

This was beautiful! You've got a great talent and this poem proves it Keep it up!

Cheers,
Luxe

Hi,
I really liked the poem and the "dark" image it gave !!! But, this gives us a picture that all teenagers are like this .... but the truth is, here you are talking about a kind of lousy,low-life teenager boy but not ALL teenagers are like this, this is just a message to those who read this and thought so.

The boys'll deny
The girls'll all cry

I think there is a kind-of off rhyming over here , when I read this aloud I thought so , but this is just my opinion ! I loved the poem and I really think it is inspiring and true ! This is my first review and I think I wrote what I wanted to write "short and simple" !
xoxo
KawaiiNeko

Sad, but really really well written! Your poem is just my type!! Like Like Like Like Love!! Thank you for sharing this.

This was a good poem, dark, but good. It had a weird flow, but I could deal with it. The message was pretty clear, and it was overall well written. I would just like to note Yanni1995's comment: "Happy writing!" should not be on here, because this poem isn't happy. It's angry writing, so I am going to revise Yanni's comment by saying Angry Writing!, but seriously good job.

I see you've gotten lots of attention for this beautiful piece of work, so I won't bother with little repeated critques. Great job. Your grammar is great, along with your vocabulary. I really loved reading this.

Again, Great job!

Keep writing!

xoxo,
Kiicoh.

Wow. This was beautiful. Perhaps the use of that particular adjective sounds a little... morbid but I really liked this poem. Yes, it was dark but at the end of the day, these things really do happen. There's no point pretending they don't, which is what a lot of adults prefer to do. I've found they don't like confronting the truth. Anyway, I suppose my first real comment on this poem - rather than just my babbling nonsense - is that you've really captured the essence of reality in this, which I love.

You mess with their head,
Make them think you’re in bed.
Instead, you’re out chugging beer,
Singing drunken cheers,
You fight until somebody’s dead. A brilliant way to open! The only thing I didn't think flowed in this stanza was the last line. It just seemed to cut it dead, which is ironic and I don't know whether that was your intention or not. Ignore me if you think differently, however >.<

Your wrists are all scarred,
Your lungs are all tarred,
And your pillows are patterned with tears.
The drugs fuel your dark fears,
They put you in a cell that’s all barred. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this stanza. I loved it. It works really well. I loved how it seems to be confronting this teenager and it works brilliantly. I love your choice of words here too.'

Getting high and feeling low,
Cutting deep and breathing shallow, I'd take out the 'and' here; I don't think it fits with the beat
Painting your room red,
With all the hatred you bled,
Pretending that they don’t all know.

It’s another teen pregnancy.
It’s an alcohol-fuelled emergency.
The boys’ll all deny,
The girls’ll all cry,
'Cause they’d thought that guy was 'the one'
When that asshole just wanted some fun. So bloody true.

Put that wine in a glass,
Cheers to skipping class,
And telling your teacher you’re sick.
Isn’t failing school just a kick?
You both know there’s no way that you’ll pass.

There are worried calls,
Whispers in the halls.
She asks if you are on drugs,
But you give her some big, warm hugs,
You say that you’re tired, that’s all.

There is no excuse
For being a friend of the noose,
Or the switchblade they found in the drawer.
Then they’ll find you on the bathroom floor.
You knew there was just no use.A fantastic way to end. It's final, it's done and I think it works brilliantly. That feeling of ending is made stronger by the fact that death really is the end, which is why it works so well.

Congraultions on a great piece