Seperated

Chapter 1: Sports

"Hurry up! We're going to be late!" Hailey shouted from ahead.
"Sorry Hai-Hai but I have to tie my roller skate." I said quickly.
"We need to get to tryouts! Remember; Softball, Gymnastics, Cheerleading and Soccer." Hailey reminded me.
"I know, I know" I mumbled.
I never really was the athletic type, Don't get me wrong, I really love the outdoors! My kind of sport is swimming though. I love the feeling of my feet paddling slowly through the calm water. I don't care if water is warm or cold, I still love it.
Now here I was, rolling on the bumpy road in Arizona, following my best friend to get to tryouts for four different sports that I barely like. Great. I guess I was good at gymnastics and cheerleading because Hailey taught me how to do back walkovers, back handsprings, frontflips and all that stuff. It was kind of fun but it can't beat swimming.
"Wait for me" I shouted.
"Well we're almost there so I guess I'll wait." she said, obviously irritated.
The hot summer sun burned my skin while I tried to ignore the dry air and heat.
I struggled to roll faster on my new blue and pink roller skates, I surprisingly went faster.
"Hailey look!" I shouted.
"Nice. Looks like you're going to be a fast runner in these sports," she said happily.
I could see her sweating but everything became a blur and then it went dark and I couldn't hear.
I woke up and it was really bright. I figured out that I was looking up at the sun. I looked around me. I was lying on the hot sidewalk.
Hailey was gone.
"Hailey" I tried to call but my throat was too dry. I looked at my watch, it was 3:26 PM. I was out for almost two hours.
I laid my head on the burning sidewalk. It stung my head but I just stared up at the clear sky. I heard footsteps but I didn't bother looking, I just closed my eyes.


I know, It's kind of short but the rest of the chapters will be longer

Hey, Ginger! Adox here to review again!

"Hurry up! We're going to be late!" Hailey shouted from ahead.
"Sorry CommaHai-Hai Comma but I have to tie my roller skate. Comma instead of a period." I said quickly.
"We need to get to tryouts! Remember; Softball, Gymnastics, Cheerleading and Soccer. Comma" Hailey reminded me.
"I know, I knowComma[color=#FF0000][/color]" I mumbled.
I never really was the athletic type, Don't get me wrong, I really love the outdoors! My kind of sport is swimming Thoughthough. I love the feeling of my feet paddling slowly through the calm water. I don't care if water is warm or cold, I still love it. Is there a reason your telling us this block of information? If not, I'd suggest taking it out all together.
Now here I was, rolling on the bumpy road in Arizona, following my best friend to get to tryouts for four different sports that I barely like. Great. I guess I was good at gymnastics and cheerleading because Hailey taught me how to do back walkovers, back handsprings, frontflips This is two different words, I believeand all that stuff I'd suggest changing this to something like, "And a few other things.". It was kind of fun Commabut it can't beat swimming.
"Wait for meComma" I shouted.
"Well Commawe're almost there Comma so I guess I'll wait. Comma" she said, obviously irritated.
The hot summer sun burned my skin while I tried to ignore the dry air and heat. The end of the sentence doesn't really make sense.
I struggled to roll faster on my new blue and pink roller skates, I surprisingly went faster. This needs to be a separate sentence, and the sentence should be something like, "Surprisingly, I went faster."
"Hailey Commalook!" I shouted.
"Nice. Looks like you're going to be a fast runner in these sports," she said happily.
I could see her sweating but everything became a blur and then it went dark and I couldn't hear. This needs to change. It's choppy and confusing.
I woke up and it was really bright. I figured out that I was looking up at the sun. I looked around me Me doesn't need to be here.. I was lying on the hot sidewalk.
Hailey was gone.
"Hailey Comma" I tried to call but my throat was too dry. I looked at my watch, it was 3:26 PM. I was out for almost two hours.
I laid my head on the burning sidewalk. It stung my head but I just stared up at the clear sky. I heard footsteps but I didn't bother looking, I just closed my eyes.

I have to press two things: One, punctuation, punctuation, punctuation. It's an extremely important part of writing. Second, if your chapters aren't longer, it wont draw people in. They will think, "Oh, just another short chaptered story," and wont read it.

Fix those things, and you'll be fine.

My corrections are in purple:
"Hurry up! We're going to be late!" Hailey shouted from ahead.
"Sorry Hai-Hai, but I have to tie my roller skate." I said quickly.
"We need to get to tryouts! Remember; Softball, Gymnastics, Cheerleading and Soccer." Hailey reminded me. I think the use of capitals for the sports aren't necessary.
"I know, I know" I mumbled.
I never really was the athletic type, Don't get me wrong don't should be in lowercase , I really love the outdoors! My kind of sport is swimming though. I love the feeling of my feet paddling slowly through the calm water. I don't care if water is warm or cold; I still love it.
Now here I was, rolling on the bumpy road in Arizona, following my best friend to get to tryouts for four different sports that I barely like. Great. I guess I was good at gymnastics and cheerleading because Hailey taught me how to do back walkovers, back handsprings, frontflips and all that stuff. It was kind of Take out 'kind of' fun but it can't beat swimming.
"Wait for me" I shouted.
"Well we're almost there so I guess I'll wait." she said, obviously irritated.
The hot summer sun burned my skin while I tried to ignore the dry air and heat.
I struggled to roll faster on my new blue and pink roller skates;I surprisingly went faster.
"Hailey look!" I shouted.
"Nice. Looks like you're going to be a fast runner in these sports," she said happily.
I could see her sweating but everything became a blur and then it went dark and I couldn't hear. This sentence is kind of awkward. Try to explain what's happening in greater detail.
I woke up and it was really bright. I figured out that I was looking up at the sun. I looked around me. I was lying on the hot sidewalk.
Hailey was gone.
"Hailey" I tried to call but my throat was too dry. I looked at my watch; it was 3:26 PM. I was out for almost two hours. I had been out for almost two hours.
I laid my head on the burning sidewalk. It stung my head but I just stared up at the clear sky. You used 'head' twice, making it awkard again. Try saying something like: I laid on the burning sidewalk. It stung my head, but I kept staring at the clear blue sky. I heard footsteps but I didn't bother looking, I just closed my eyes. Maybe you could say: I closed my eyes, giving in.

It's a good plot
I'm wondering what's going to happen next =^_^=