Cold Anger

Rage is a sickness
full of brutal anger
and dark desires.
Attiude is a heartless emotion
vowed to stand up and
speaked with honest disrespect.

Neglection is a painless fear
as sorrow is to negative tears
and drama caused ruthless fights.
As death becomes a cursed night.

The wrath of a fearless shadow
follows you during the sunniest days
while the cruel death stalks you on
the coldest darkness nights.

Hi there, sgppoetry.
Wow! This is awesome, this poem doesn't know the word "cliché". I am impressed, 'cause... honestly, this is one of the best poems I've read so far in YWS. It flows nicely, it is very deep and it's amazingly worded. So I congratulate you for the talent. Now, I noticed you put a period after every sentence, but this poem lacks commas!

So here I go, some nitpicks:

sgppoetry wrote:Attiude is a heartless emotion
vowed to stand up and
speaked with honest disrespect.

Rage is a sickness
Attitude is a heartless emotion,
vowed to stand up and
speak with honest disrespect.

*Also, the red word has a typo.

sgppoetry wrote:Neglection is a painless fear
as sorrow is to negative tears
and drama caused ruthless fights.
As death becomes a cursed night.

Okay, the puntuation in this stanza confuses me.

I think it would make much more sense like this:
Neglection is a painless fear,
as sorrow is to negative tears.
And Drama caused ruthless fights,
as death becomes a cursed night.

*I would take of the "And", that would let the poem flow better.

Excellent job! Keep writing!

~Solvy <3

Hi sgp! This is a huge improvement over a lot of your poetry I've read. Congratulations! I see you've been taking our advice.


This is actually a pretty good poem! I like your theme- ragging on emotions themselves, rather than using one as a basis. Just a few nitpicks:

Rage is a sickness
full of brutal anger
and dark desires.
Attitude is a heartless emotion
vowed to stand up and
speak with honest disrespect.

Neglection is a painless fear
as sorrow is to negative tears
and drama caused ruthless fights.
As death becomes a cursed night.

The wrath of a fearless shadow
follows you during the sunniest days
while the cruel death stalks you on
the coldest darkest nights.

There; those were just spelling things. As Solv said; you use periods well, but no commas! Try adding in a few.

Overall; this is a big improvement. Make sure you keep the flow up and punctuate correctly; and keep tenses consistent.

Keep writing!

-Tori

Hiya!!! I love this one! Here's my comments!

Rage is a sickness
full of brutal anger
and dark desires.
Attiude is a heartless emotion Interesting connection...makes me think!
vowed to stand up and
speak? with honest disrespect. Hahaha! Love this!

Neglection is a painless fear Wow, making me think again!!!
as sorrow is to negative tears
and drama caused ruthless fights. I can relate...
As death becomes a cursed night. Love this line!

The wrath of a fearless shadow
follows you during the sunniest days So true, like the living dead
while the cruel death stalks you on
the coldest, darkness nights.

Thank u all for the advice it really seem to help

I like your use of metaphors. I specifically like how you compared death to a stalker. although that may be slightly cliché, it's pretty accurate. We often don't know it's coming until it's there--it sneaks up on us. When we do know it's coming, we try to avoid it but often can't.
keep writing!