Like a Prince - Chapter 2

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CHAPTER 2




Having awoken early in the morning before the intended time, Ryiiko, the thief, felt inclined to stay in bed, and stare up at the ceiling.

Warm sunlight oozed through the cracks in the wooden wall to his left, casting slivers of light onto the bed-covers, flitting across his exposed chest.

His chest rose and fell as he breathed, and the boy turned his head to look at his stolen items, still scattered across the small table near the window covered with a curtain made of bear fur.

He glanced at the mirror, and laughed. "Prince Ryiiko, your hair is a splendid mess. Whatever did you do in the night to cause such a catastrophe?" After staring for a bit more, he decided that he liked the boyish, ruffled look. It fit the way he felt this morning; younger, and more invincible. Ryiiko wasn't invincible, to be sure, but he liked to believe he was. 'No one can catch you. No one can tame you.' he always told himself in the mirror. "What an ego I have." he remarked aloud to his reflection, "But I deserve a bit of pride, do I not? After everything I've been through..."

Ryiiko never doubted himself for a moment, even when he failed at something. What he called optimism, others called arrogance. Perhaps he was, but he didn't care a bit. He didn't care about what anyone thought.

Tossing his head like an indignant horse, he leaped from the bed covers, letting the blanket fly from his torso. Another new day, and there was no time to waste. Or, at least, he acted like there wasn't. In truth, the thief had all the time in the world. Having slept in his clothes so that he wouldn't have to concentrate on picking an outfit in the morning, Ryiiko bypassed the wardrobe, and quickly gathered up the stolen goods from the table. He hefted them over to a rug on the floor by his bed. Pulling the small, round carpet aside, he revealed a large trapdoor. It led to a medium-sized room under the floor. Ryiiko opened it, and carelessly shoved all the stuff inside before shutting it again, pulling the rug back over to conceal it.

After he'd done this, he heard a cocky crow called from outside his door in an evergreen tree, keeping up a boisterous commentary.

Throwing the door open, Ryiiko looked up at the bird, "Ah, my friend." he laughed in a carefree way, "Why don't you come down here and have a bite to eat?"

Grinning, he held up a large piece of bread, and the crow eagerly swooped down, landing on his arm, greedily snatching it from his fingers. In a few gulps, the bread was gone, and the crow looked at the thief, eyes pleading for more. When it saw there was none, it indignantly ruffled its feathers, and resolved to giving his human friend a stare-down.

"You're late today, Raan. I've already gotten everything prepared for today's events." Ryiiko's eyes sparkled delightedly, teasing the crow.

Raan recognized the tone in his master's voice, and stretched out his wings in excitement. Every time he stole something for Ryiiko, the boy gave him food, and let him play with the shiny bell that was always tucked in his pocket. Raan was a sucker for shiny objects. In fact, it's how Ryiiko found him in the first place, tangled up with a long, shiny piece of twine. Ever since then, he'd felt indebted to the human for saving his life. He would never forget when Ryiiko came running to his rescue, chuckling in amusement to himself, unwrapping the twine from the crow's neck, thus freeing him.

"Getting excited, are we, Raan?" Ryiiko teased. He lifted his arm up near his head, and Raan hopped off to perch on the boy's shoulder. He cawed in response, causing Ryiiko to wince. "Raan, you know what I told you about yelling in my ear."

Apologetic, Raan hung his head for a few seconds. His glittering, beady eyes searched Ryiiko's face for a sign that he was forgiven. Catching a grin, he lifted his head, and cawed softly. The grin meant "apology accepted".

Many a-times he'd cawed loudly in Ryiiko's ear, and every single time he'd been scolded until he'd learned to keep quiet. Every now and then, however, he forgot.

"Today is a big day, Raan." Ryiiko began walking forehead, arms casually swinging by his sides, "Everyone will soon know who I am. Me, Prince Ryiiko."

Raan's eyes glittered in anticipation for the boy's next words.

"Wr're going to steal it. We're going to steal the jewel of Almidephia (Alm-uh-deff-ee-uh) right from under the guard's snooty little noses." Ryiiko cackled, "We'll be rich. I'll buy my own castle. Then everyone will have to say that I am a prince!" His eyes narrowed, "But I will still be a thief. The way of the righteous is no good for me, Raan. Many years I had toiled in work, but reaped nothing of any significance. They taxed me nearly to death! The life of a thief is the life for me."

At this point, he stopped at a fork in the road, turning towards the towering form of the castle, "Here we go, Raan." Ryiiko set his jaw, eyes fierce and determined. "This is it. Sharpen your beak, and I'll ready my arrow. Today is the day I take what's rightfully mine."
~Chelseam2

Insane, and, ba-da-ba-ba-ba, I'm lovin' it!




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I liked this one. I felt like it took a small step for the story, but at least now you know what he's going to do next. But I think you should have a little more information of the jewel that he wants to steal. Maybe he's reminiscing about it, or he has a dream about it. Just a little piece so we know more about it, and why it's so special.

Anyways, really good. Nice job.
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Having awoken early in the morning before the intended time, This sentence seems awkward. Try rephrasing it. Ryiiko, the thief, it seems like too much when you put "the thief" there felt inclined to stay in bed, and stare up at the ceiling.


Warm sunlight oozed oozed really isn't the right word for this, because usually it's used when describing something slimy, which, the sun is not through the cracks in the wooden wall to his left, casting slivers of light onto the bed-covers, flitting across his exposed chest.


Also, this is a run on sentence. Try splitting it up into different sentences. Example:
"The warm rays of sunlight shone through the cracks in the wooden wall to his left. It cast small slivers of light onto his bed covers, flitting across his exposed chest."

His chest rose and fell as he breathed, and the boy turned his head to look at his stolen items, still scattered across the small table near the window covered with a curtain made of bear fur.


What ARE his stolen items? :3 I'm quite curious. Is it jewels? Gold? Money? All of the above? Maybe you could elaborate on this a little, just to add some detail. I know it's not necessary and it doesn't add to the plot of the story, but it's still something you can add instead of just saying "the stolen items".

Ever since then, he'd felt indebted to the human for saving his life. He would never forget when Ryiiko came running to his rescue, chuckling in amusement to himself, unwrapping the twine from the crow's neck, thus freeing him.


He CHUCKLED in AMUSEMENT at the CHOKING crow?! How cruel :O
Pahaha I really like this this. It's well written and it's also amusing. I love how he was talking to himself! XD And I also thought it was funny and cute that the crow was acting like a little puppy :3 I laughed at a lot of parts in this one and, weirdly, the crow could be my favorite character XD it just seems so cute!
I'm definitely eager to find out more and it seems like you're starting to get into the plot. I want to see how Ryiiko will go about stealing this jewel. He certainly in full of himself, no? Lol
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Why is it that he's dressed for the day, but has his chest bare? Is that his usual attire?



True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to be who you are.
— Brené Brown