Neurosis

I feel my split personas debate,
they try to go their separate ways.
My insouciance is a mask I wear.
Your insolence; yet not a tear.

Assurance is my hollow contraption,
Wisdom is but a tragic deception.
A distance that brought me to my knees,
I was never blind, yet could not see.

A million thoughts that died inside,
I could not show, yet could not hide.
Realizing mistakes and feeling despair
I cannot absorb yet cannot share.

Perceptions defy themselves and mar me,
people change and readily scar me.
Rationalization: my vain nemesis,
I wish I hadn't reduced to this.

This was pretty good. It was very deep, and well written, but the larger words made it a little bit more difficult to understand. Try substituting those words out to make it easier for any reader to understand it. Keep writing!

This is was good, but I agree with Mellophone; the large words were kind of a setback. Also, I think you need a few more commas so you don't end up with run on sentances. But overall, I really liked this. Keep writing!

General impression: Huh?

I don't agree with the people above me--I think in what you have here, big words are important.

Even though I don't really understand this as a whole.


Nitpicks:

Your insolence; yet not a tear.

Um, what? This seems pretty random, and isn't connected to the rest of the stanza at all. Maybe you could add something in to show that you're wearing the mask of insouciance to protect yourself from the other person's insolence. (Which is something I can easily gather, but the wording is just..... huh?)
Also, is it a tear rolling down a cheek, or a tear as in a rip?

Assurance is my hollow contraption,
Wisdom is but a tragic deception.
A distance that brought me to my knees,
I was never blind, yet could not see.

Interesting philosophy. Why is wisdom a tragic deception?

Rationalization: my vain nemesis,
I wish I hadn't reduced to this.

first line: Huh?
Second: I think you mean "hadn't been reduced to this."

Overall, god, but..... confusing. Which I know neurosis is, but.... still. Just a wee bit more clarification, please.

Wait wait wait wait what. This is a really good poem ehte. But what is it about?

I'm in the same page is the reviewers above. I didn't get it! XD But the wording is great. The problem with that though is I couldn't be sure of what the poem was about. Other than that, you've got a nice tempo in your poem, and nice rhymes too.

But anyway, my guess is this poem is about contradicting yourself like what was stated in the first verse, am I right? The contrasts in the other verses support this guess of mine. xD

I fail to get the meaning of it line by line though, starting with:

Your insolence; yet not a tear.

Overall, the poem's nicely done. The only problem is that the wording made it hard to comprehend.

Never stop writing!

It's a poem about a person who has failed in life and the others are after him. Always trying to hurt and be rude, so the act of insolence but he does not take them seriously, so the mask and not even a tear, I'm talking about the tear that falls down the eye.
Do you people understand now? xD
I hope you all do understand.
Thanks for the reviews, peeps. (:

Oi, Ehte! I was never notified you replied to this. XP

You mind using the pretty little pm button on the side?

animekaratepup wrote:Oi, Ehte! I was never notified you replied to this. XP

You mind using the pretty little pm button on the side?

Actually, I've never tried it. xP

I love this poem and I love this title. End of story.

It's not much of a review, but I look foward to reading more of your work. Happy writing!

animekaratepup wrote:
Oi, Ehte! I was never notified you replied to this. XP

You mind using the pretty little pm button on the side?


Actually, I've never tried it. xP

*just now discovered this reply*

Well, try it!