The Missing Link Prologue and Chapter one

Prologue
It was dark. Being with their newly born daughter put hope in their hearts.
"Do you think they will be able to save him?" the worried mother asked her husband.
The baby girl was not the only child that had been born to Christina and Todd Johnson. That night, another child - a boy - had blessed the Johnson's. His lungs weren't working like they were supposed to. The doctors were trying their hardest to save the baby boy.
"Christina and Todd Johnson?" a doctor called. The Johnson's got up and walked towards the doctor.
"Your little boy didn't make it. I'm very sorry." the doctor said. He waited to see if the Johnson's wanted to see the baby. Todd nodded his head yes. As they walked into the room, the baby girl woke up. Todd held the little girl and showed her her dead brother.
"Todd?" Christina said. "Are we going to tell her that she had a twin brother?" Christina asked Todd as she gestured to the now-sleeping baby. Todd shook his head.
"Hope." he said. Christina looked at him questioningly. "Hope." he said again,pointing at the baby girl.
"Hope Johnson. I like it. Welcome to the family Hope."



Chapter 1
"Hope Johnson. You will be partnered with Katie Wilson." Mrs. Erikson said. "Yes!" Katie shouted. 13 year old Hope sighed.
"Mrs. Erickson? Can I have a new partner? Please!" Hope said, joking with Katie and the teacher.
"I'm afraid that you are stuck with the partner you have Hope. I'm also afraid for your grade." Mrs. Erikson said, part playing along and part serious.
" This is going to be the best project ever! Hope said, high fiving her friend.
" Class listen up! For this project, you have to make a family tree. Your partner's are to help find information and to help decorate. I also gave you partner's so that you can find out about your family tree and someone else's." Mrs. Erikson explained.This information would have been good for Katie and Hope to know, but they weren't exactly listening.
"My mom has a copy of our family tree in our laundry room." Katie said.
" Why would your mom have a copy of your family tree in your laundry room?"Hope asked her friend.
" My uncle sells laundry stuff. Washers, dryers, the works." Katie replied.
"Of course he does. Your Mom's side of the family is on the, unique side, as some might say. Others would call it weird,interesting, strange, queer, or awkward." Hope said to Katie.
"You definitely have a way with words Hope. Others would call you a nerd, a geek, or just plain old smart." Katie said with a competitive tone.
" Hope! Katie! Did you hear a single word I just said?" Mrs. Erikson said, drawing attention to the girls.
"Well Mrs. Erikson, I didn't hear you because our dear friend Katie here was talking. Could you repeat that?"Hope said confidently.
"Hallway Hope. Now." Mrs. Erikson said firmly.
Dragging her feet, Hope walked out the door and sat by a row of lockers. She wasn't the only one "sentenced" to the hallway. Duncan, a boy from her social studies class last year, was also there.
"Hey Duncan." she said to the boy across the hall.
" Hi Hope." Duncan replied. "What did you do this time?" he asked.
"Katie was talking and I was the one who got kicked out of class." Hope said.
"I'm sure it was all Katie's fault." Duncan said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
"What brings you out here on this fine day?" Hope said with a British accent.
"Class work. All I was doing was finishing the worksheet, and Mrs. Tunly yelled at me for speeding up ahead of the class. She sent me out here with another worksheet and nothing to write against." Duncan said, with mock sincerity.
At that time, one of the eighth grade science room doors opened and two laughing eighth graders walked out.
"Oh hi Hope!" Matt said, with a fake girlish, flirty tone
"Hi Matt. Hi Justin." Hope said to the idiotic eighth graders.
"What did you do?" Justin asked, smirking. Duncan looked at the eighth graders and then at Hope. he shrugged, and continued working. Matt smiled and looked at Hope, waiting for an answer to Justin's question.
" I was talking during class. What about you two?" Hope asked.
"Justin here, decided it might be funny to dump the bowl of cheerios on the floor infront of me." Matt said.
" Lemme guess; you walked over them and got cheerio dust all over." Hope concluded.
" I think your story is a little bit more interesting than ours. Well, not more interesting, but more, usual." Justin said.
" I leapt out of the way and made an outstanding jump-" Matt said before Justin interrupted him.
" You call that outstanding?" Justin smirked, and shoved Matt.
" If you had let me finish, I would have explained. So, I made a somewhat outstanding jump, and landed on my agenda. Which, of course, slipped out from under me and I fell flat on the cheerios." Matt concluded.

" But that wasn't all." Justin said. " The agenda shot out from under him, and flew into our teacher, Mrs. Smith. The impact made a loud slapping sound and everything got dead silent. Then, everyone burst out laughing and Mrs. Smith sent Matt and me out here." Justin finished, with a huge smile on his face.
" I applaud you for attempting to make that story interesting. But coming from you two, it sounds boring." Hope said flatly.
"Who asked you what you thought about our story?" Justin asked.
At that time, Mr. Boger, the vice principal, walked up to the four kids.
"Hope, Justin, and Matt. i need to see the three of you in my office. NOW!" the bald vice principal said, walking into Mrs. Erikson's room.
" Good luck." Duncan said to Hope, with a weak smile.
"Thanks." Hope said. I'm going to need it. Hope thought, and walked in the direction of the vice principal's office.

Hi!

I really liked this. Although, I was confused with the prologue: Why wouldn't they tell her she had a twin brother? I realize it will help later in the story when she has to make a family tree, but other than that, I don't understand why they wouldn't tell her. But I really liked this.

Please let me know when the next part comes out!

Like Amfliflier pointed out in the review why didn't they tell her? I"m confused; Will you add that later on or no? Either way this was very well done haha. Those kids Justin and Matt remind me very much of two sophies (sophmores) in my school XD. Always getting into trouble hahah. Either way good job and keep up the the good work!!! May you get many helpful reviews!!! Keep up the good work and Happy Writing!!!!
Soulkana<3

Hi, I'm SweetMoments and I'll be your reviewer today !
Although the idea of this is a little cliched I think you brought it off well with your characters being so believable and such
Now, on to the nitpicks...There were not many until the end where this caught my eye:

"Thanks." Hope said. I'm going to need it. Hope thought, and walked in the direction of the vice principal's office.

It's all good except for how many times the name "Hope" is said you could substitute it for "she" or even just put the thought in italics.
Pm me if you add to this: It's very cool!

You've actually got me pretty hooked. Haha.

I just have a couple nitpicks, then I move onto the good stuff.

First of all, you just have a few grammer issues here and there, not a big deal.

Second, when you have a character thinking, italasize it so that the readers know it's a thought without havin to read "i thought".

Third, you wrote this:

"My mom has a copy of our family tree in our laundry room." Katie said.
" Why would your mom have a copy of your family tree in your laundry room?" Katie asked her friend.
" My uncle sells laundry stuff. Washers, dryers, the works." Katie replied.

What, is Katie talking to herself? Haha, just kidding, just change the name to the right one. Haha.


Now that that's done, I really rather enjoyed this. So far it's pretty unique and I'm actually pretty interested in seeing how finding out she had a twin brother is so significant. Haha.

Look forward to reading more, shoot me a PM when you post more!


Love and other things,
fictionfanatic

First things first. I have to say this to a lot of the younger people, but remember to click on the "story" button at the bottom of the page when you submit so your words aren't just a big block. It makes it ten times easier to read.

Spoiler

Grammar/nitpicks:

It was dark.

I don't really think this was a good hook. The first sentence of anything you write should be carefully thought out and hook the reader so they want to read what's after the first sentence. It's kind of like a thesis statement in an essay: it has to be good.

"Hope Johnson[comma] you will be partnered with Katie Wilson." Mrs. Erikson said.

" This is going to be the best project ever!" Hope said, high fiving her friend.

Why would Hope just "say" when she shouted it?

Others would call it weird, interesting, strange, queer, or awkward." Hope said to Katie.

Watch your spacing

"You definitely have a way with words [comma] Hope.

"Hey [comma] Duncan." she said to the boy across the hall.

" Hi [comma] Hope."

One thing I would like to mention is your dialogue. When someone says something you put a comma after what they said (if no question or exclamation mark is needed) and then end it with a dialogue tag. You've been putting a period after everything they say.

" But that wasn't all." Justin said.

This is how it should be:

" But that wasn't all comma" Justin said.

Also work on your spacing. Throughout the entire thing I saw that you seemed to push the space bar when you shouldn't have. Go back and look at that.

" I was talking during class. What about you two?" Hope asked.
"Justin here, decided it might be funny to dump the bowl of cheerios on the floor infront of me." Matt said.
" Lemme guess; you walked over them and got cheerio dust all over." Hope concluded.
" I think your story is a little bit more interesting than ours. Well, not more interesting, but more, usual." Justin said.
" I leapt out of the way and made an outstanding jump-" Matt said before Justin interrupted him.
" You call that outstanding?" Justin smirked, and shoved Matt.
" If you had let me finish, I would have explained. So, I made a somewhat outstanding jump, and landed on my agenda. Which, of course, slipped out from under me and I fell flat on the cheerios." Matt concluded.

" But that wasn't all." Justin said. " The agenda shot out from under him, and flew into our teacher, Mrs. Smith. The impact made a loud slapping sound and everything got dead silent. Then, everyone burst out laughing and Mrs. Smith sent Matt and me out here." Justin finished, with a huge smile on his face.
" I applaud you for attempting to make that story interesting. But coming from you two, it sounds boring." Hope said flatly.
"Who asked you what you thought about our story?" Justin asked.

This made me laugh. This sounds like something a bunch of seventh graders would do and I would be the one on the other side of the hallway laughing at all of them. I would also do this as a seventh grader, although not necessarily anymore:)

Prologue
It was dark. Being with their newly born daughter put hope in their hearts.
"Do you think they will be able to save him?" the worried mother asked her husband.
The baby girl was not the only child that had been born to Christina and Todd Johnson. That night, another child - a boy - had blessed the Johnson's. His lungs weren't working like they were supposed to. The doctors were trying their hardest to save the baby boy.
"Christina and Todd Johnson?" a doctor called. The Johnson's got up and walked towards the doctor.
"Your little boy didn't make it. I'm very sorry." the doctor said. He waited to see if the Johnson's wanted to see the baby. Todd nodded his head yes. As they walked into the room, the baby girl woke up. Todd held the little girl and showed her her dead brother.
"Todd?" Christina said. "Are we going to tell her that she had a twin brother?" Christina asked Todd as she gestured to the now-sleeping baby. Todd shook his head.
"Hope." he said. Christina looked at him questioningly. "Hope." he said again,pointing at the baby girl.
"Hope Johnson. I like it. Welcome to the family Hope."

I don't mean to sound rude, but this doesn't seem believable to me. Someone who just lost a baby wouldn't be acting like this. Losing a child is really hard on the person and your characters don't seem to take it as I imagine a normal person would. If I can make a suggestion I think the Prologue isn't needed and you can just jump right into the actual story and then mention later that she had a twin. With you mentioning it right now, sure it hooks the reader and all but it give away valuable information that you could have done so much better with more into the story to give your story an edge. If the reader finds out the same time as her, it makes the book that much more interesting to read because just like her they weren't expecting it.

Which leads me to my last thing to say. I personally think this story would be so much better in first person. It would give the reader a chance to get to know the character more and any surprises she discovers the reader will also discovers. Putting a book in first person is always good unless you have a legitimatize reason to put it into third, but I think in your case you can easily put it into first.

I think this story has great potential and I'm actually really curious to find out what happens next. How and when does she find out that she had a twin brother? Great plot line.

I hope to read the next part to this and I hope my really long review didn't annoy you:) *clicks follow*

This is great, I wanna read some more now - it really hooked me. I like theese kind of real life stories. Keep Writing and I'll Keep Reading!
funkypanda X