Deceitful Intent Chapter 3

TAKING THIS DOWN, IF ANYONE WANTS TO READ MY WORK, IT'S ON WATTPAD

I read it. Again, well done!

This was a surprising turn of events, and I liked it. From the outset, you developed Michael's character strongly, and everything seemed to click. What didn't click was Vivian's fascination with him.

I really thought she was a bad, heartless girl. So, her sudden feelings made me feel like my first impressions of her were misled. Maybe you should add a few paragraphs explaining why she liked this boy (besides his looks).

Vivian suddenly admiring somebody made me think that there's a dual nature in her. I thought she liked to exploit others, yet here she is opening up to them. I don't know- maybe it's just a growing aspect of her character, maybe this compassion of hers will develop over time. It just seemed like a strange little development (but perhaps also a potential plot-line).

The prose was neat, and I couldn't see any flaws. Mostly, the characters were once again consistent. The flow, however, was the major strong point. In this chapter, I wasn't bored or tempted to skip; I read contentedly. Whenever a story's flow is strong, the reader is easily transposed into the surroundings. I almost felt like I was watching this happen in real life- my only trouble is that there were few descriptors, so I couldn't fully transpose. More descriptions and adjectives would do the trick there.

Overall, you've impressed me again. Keep writing!

Hola!

So, this chapter had some interesting and not interesting points to it. The first thing I'd like to say os that you have odd line breaks in the middle where your sentences jump a line. Like here:

Even though his words weren’t what I wanted to hear his face said he was nothing but sincere. But it was hard to
focus on his kindness when he was telling me no.

The main problem I have with this is that if Evan is pretty concerned about the expulsion, why did her agree to Viv immediately? I mean, you could have expanded it a bit to make it seem like he was very hesitant and how Viv convinced him. That would make it seem more plausible.

I like their dialogue. It seems to flow naturally.

“I guess I’m in, tonight we’ll hit the spot and work out a plan.”

Our spot was a local diner called Fudd’s. The food was greasy, delicious and completely fattening. Fudd’s wasn’t as popular as the town’s café, which is why Evan and I chose it. When we were up to no good we went to Fudd’s to discuss plans. And since Fudd’s wasn’t completely public it served us well.

“I may go to Atlanta after school. So I might be late.”

After this I thought they were at Fudd's until I realized they're still in school. To avoid this time confusion, I'd suggest a better flow and reworking your phrases.

So, I hope Michael's got a pretty definitive part in your story for introducing him here. Otherwise, this would be a chapter without a purpose.
Cheers,
~Lava