Imaginary Friend

When the blue skies were over my head
Thoughts of happiness filled in my head
Suddenly Lucy came to me in my head
And wispered these words in my head

My dear friend, It's not the only thing you've got
Happy moments will come and go like a shot
But anyway, I will always be there for you
To share your happy moments through

When the Stormy winds howled through me
Thoughts of deep sorrow howled through me
With the wind Lucy howled to me
And Blew these sweet words to me

Oh! My friend, please don't cry
There are better things in this world you may try
For your every tear drop i'll be there for you
To blow away bitter sorrows for you

Through good times and bad times you came into me
Made me understand to be whom I should be
I wish Lucy, you were a real friend
But anyway, still you are my good old imaginary friend.....

The repetition and rhymes were a little strange here, but I like the whole idea to the poem. I also think that it would look better with punctuation.

rockangel wrote:When the blue skies were over my head,
Thoughts of happiness filled up my head,
Suddenly Lucy came to me in my head,
And whispered these words in my head. This sounds a tad bit strange, I think it should be 'ear' rather than head, but I understand that you are trying to repeat that word. Maybe you should use something different than head, it doesn't really seem to fit with the last two lines.

My dear friend, It's not the only thing you've got. What is 'it'?
Happy moments will come and go like a shot This isn't a very good comparison.
But anyway, I will always be there for you.
To share your happy moments through. through what?

When the Stormy winds howled through me
Thoughts of deep sorrow howled through me
With the wind, Lucy howled to me,
And Blew these sweet words to me The repetition in these four lines don't work very well. It's too forced and unorganized. You need to continue with the ' howled through me' in the last two lines or change it completely.

Oh! My friend, please don't cry. Why are you crying?
There are better things in this world you may try.
For your every tear drop, I'll be there for you.
To blow away bitter sorrows for you It would sound better without the 'for you'.

Through good times and bad times you came into me,
Made me understand to be whom I should be.
I wish Lucy, that you were a real friend.

But at least you'll always be my good old imaginary friend. I thought this sounded better.

Hi there. Lavvi in to review for you now.

When the blue skies were over my head
Thoughts of happiness filled in my head
Suddenly Lucy came to me in my head
And wispered these words in my head

The repetition here seems lengthy, and it bores me to no end. It might work better if you incorporated a similar type of repetition throughout the whole poem, but because you aren't doing that, it just doesn't seem to work. It feels and reads bizarrely.

I also would like to target the fact that you aren't punctuating your poetry. Unless this was purposeful, which was doesn't make sense in this poem's case, you always need to punctuate your poems properly. It affects the fluidity and how your audience may receive it (the poem).

Yours,
Lavvi

When the blue skies were over my head
Thoughts of happiness filled in my head
Suddenly Lucy came to me in my head
And whispered these words in my head All i can concentrate on is the repetition of 'head' it's not effective in conveying your meaning.

My dear friend, It's not the only thing you've got
Happy moments will come and go like in a shot
But anyway, I will always be there for you 'but anyway' isn't graceful or poetic.. cliche following the comma
To share your happy moments through through?

When the Stormy winds howled through me
Thoughts of deep sorrow howled through meagain, the repetition is distracting
With the wind Lucy howled to me
And Blew these sweet words to me I like these last to lines

Oh! My friend, please don't cry
There are better things in this world you may try this line is too long
For your every tear drop i'll be there for you
To blow away bitter sorrows for you don't repeat 'you'

Through good times and bad times you came into me
Made me understand to be whom I should be
I wish Lucy, you were a real friend
But anyway, still you are my good old imaginary friend..... don't repeat 'friend' this line isn't dramatic enough

Greetings! Now, your title captured my attention because I'm always intrigued by the idea of an imaginary friend and I love all the little stories you hear surrounding them, but I think you could have done more with this idea! I think you need to think more about what will draw a reader in. Why not include finer detail, a time when the persona relied on the imaginary friend to get them out of trouble or a specific time when the imaginary friend was there for them? It's very vague at the moment and that makes it less memorable, but you do have a very easy going style which is nice to read.

When the blue skies were over my head
Thoughts of happiness filled in my head
Suddenly Lucy came to me in my head
And wispered these words in my head <<< [I don't like the repetition of head, it's too stagnant for a poem like this which has its very grounding in a child's imagination. I'd love to hear a child's voice here with things only a small, young, naive person would notice. Like the absolute disbelief that the sky will always be blue. When I was a child, I heard an old nursery rhyme about red sky and thought that if I looked at it long enough, the sky really would turn red during the day time because the sun was hot so when it got fully warmed up it would turn from yellow to red and then it would leak into the sky. I think your poem would be great if you could draw on your inner childishness.]

"My dear friend, It's not the only thing you've got
Happy moments will come and go like a shot <<<[The rhyme here sounds a little forced. Consider using something more subtle.]
But anyway, I will always be there for you
To share your happy moments through

When the Stormy winds howled through me
Thoughts of deep sorrow howled through me
With the wind Lucy howled to me
And Blew these sweet words to me <<<[Again, not a fan of the repetition but I like the capitalisation of Stormy actually. I think you couldd extend that and make something of it. Like, does the child see these winds as a particular kind? Does shhe consider there to be different species/ groups of winds? That would be interesting to explore...]

Oh! My friend, please don't cry
There are better things in this world you may try
For your every tear drop i'll be there for you
To blow away bitter sorrows for you"

Overall then, a good attemmpt but I think it has the potentiall to be better so maybe consider taking another look. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me. Hope this helped a little,

Heather xxx