Heartbeat

*edit: By the way, people, it's not a poem. =_=

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Life is a fragile thing. In a moment, it can be cut short, affecting all the other lives around it. When someone dies, it's almost as if the entire would has been jerked off its axis. Everything's crooked, and you can never look at the world the same way ever again.

Beep.

A life can bring meaning to the world. It can save lives, touch hearts, and change the future. But, as a life changes the world when it enters, it also changes the world when it leaves. Whether the change is good or bad is up to the people left behind. Will they be inspired to live on in the life's memory, or broken in sorrow beyond repair?

Beep.

Inspiration. Will you inspire people to continue in your memory when you die, or will they dance upon your grave with horrid smiles upon their delighted faces? Think about it. What will you leave behind? Is the thing you're doing right now, right at this moment, the last thing you ever want to do? If this was your last day, could you look back on it and be proud of yourself?

Beep.

Because life is short, because it has an ending, it is precious.

Beep.

No one can draw the look on a mother's face when her child is safely nestled in her arms after giving birth, and no one can draw the look on her face when her child leaves the world.

Beep.

Nothing. NOTHING is worth the price of a human life.

Beep.

And all it takes is one skip of heart-beat, and everything.....everything changes.

Be-ep.

Bee--


Be--




Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............

I really liked this poem, it was interesting. It almost reminded me of something that you could use for choral reading. I liked the ending how you said

And all it takes is one skip of heart-beat, and everything.....everything changes.

,and then you started skipping more lines inbetween the "beeps".
My only suggestion is that you get rid of some of the "beeps" because you seem to be going a little beep-crazy : P
Also, try to add more to this poem, maybe add in a few more lines/stanzas. I really like it so far, but I still think it could use a little more meat and depth. Oh, and one more quick suggestion is to try and rephrase this line because I thought it didn't flow that well:

In reactions to that one death, there may be others who can't seem to live without this one life. They lose hope. Things change.

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem. I think that if you add a little more to it, it could be very powerful. I loved the idea and concept! (:

silentwords wrote:My only suggestion is that you get rid of some of the "beeps" because you seem to be going a little beep-crazy : P

I agree with this completely. Mostly because, that's all this poem felt like, was a huge mass of beeps and not enough context really. Also, some of the lines in here sounded quite nice. Although, I wish you would have built more off of it, instead of having so much spaced out between the many beeps.

Also, when writing through the words, try thinking a little deeper. Don't always go for the obvious. Your poems will always be interpreted much stronger and meaningful that way.

I think this could use some tweaking, but I'm not completely opposed to the whole heart beat/"beep" thing. I think you could have gone about it in a much different, subtle way. I'd focus more on the writing than anything else. But other than that, I think this could be pretty good should you go ahead and edit.

Drop the beeps and you have it! Sad.... to me anyway.

Keep writing,
~FW~

*Sheesh, I am sniffling!*

GREAT JOB! You did a very good job with this, but I agree you did go 'beep' crazy and it would be better without it...

KJR