Catch a Falling Star

Please critique it to shreds! I'm just starting poetry and really want to improve.

Can you catch a falling star in your hand?
Can your thin fingers keep a hold of the grains of sand?
Can you stop the hate that runs in our veins?
Can your words and actions stop the pains?
If you stop and listen, can you really hear?
If I hold your hand, can I remove the fear?
If we stand here together, can we make a difference?
If we quiet our thoughts, can we hear the truth in the silence?
Together, you and I, can we vanquish the hate?
I believe our peace is possible, if we only sit and wait.

I love the poem! I can't believe your just stratingto write poetry. It's a beautiful poem. It captured my intrest. I liked the rythem of the poem. My two favorite lines are: If you stop and listen, can you really hear?If I hold your hand, can I remove the fear? I think this a really good poem. Btw welcome to YWS! I hope you love it here as much as I do! Most of the people on this site are very kind and helpful. I'm looking foward to reading more poetry from you and if you would like me to review anythting else just tell me.

This was AMAZING. It's beautiful and means so much. I don't quite believe that you're new to poems and if you are.. I feel incredibly silly about my poems. I really admire this poem and want to see more of your writing Awesome job

Can I say bitter with the world and humanity much? All the questions you asked were thought-provoking in nature and extremely complex for they initial simplicity. I really like the way that this poem is open to interpretation on every line and each interpretation could change the whole meaning of the poem. No grammar or spelling problems as far as I can tell, so very nice job!

Hi there. Lavvi in to review for you.

So, I found with the interrogation marks all over the place that it sort of ruined the flow over all. Flow is rather important, because it affects how others perceive the poem. Your rhymes were a little simple: I'd like for you to expand on those a bit. Venture into another world of more descriptive words and so it shall help the audience picture the things in this poem. I'm not entirely sure what your goal was for this poem, though...what's the metaphor behind it? You need to be clearer about it.

Yours,
Lavvi

Can you catch a falling star in your hand?
Can your thin fingers keep a hold of the grains of sand?
Can you stop the hate that runs in our veins?
Can your words and actions stop the pains?
If you stop and listen, can will you really hear?
If I hold your hand, can I remove the fear?
If we stand here together, can we make a difference?
If we quiet our thoughts, can we hear the truth in the silence? difference doesn't rhyme with silence
Together, you and I, can we vanquish the hate? You've already talked about hate
I believe our peace is possible, if we only sit and wait. You've been talking about action so why are you saying action is possible through inaction?

I liked how it was so deep. There really are a lot of emotions hidden behind your words. The only thing I would have a problem with is your rhyme scheme. It kind of bothered me. But I'm a little obsessed with words flowing, so maybe I'm just nit picking. Don't stop writing, this was really good.

This is really good, I can't believe this is your first (or one of your first) poems that you've written. It seems that it has already been "torn to shreds." I just want to commend you on your effort, and success! You have a lovely writing style! Please continue poetry!!!

~Fortiii

Wow, that was just...beautiful!

I love the first two lines the most, I think.
The first line, to catch a falling star, is something I think everyone subconsciously wishes they could do...Something to save for a wish one wants to make, something along the lines of a safety net, or a shred of hope.
The second line, to try to hold sand in your hand, is a task that has instilled hatred and anger for me, personally.

You portrayed, very creatively, this sensation of having a sense of hope, but then replacing it with such anger.
Absolutely beautiful.

I love this, and I also cannot believe that this is one of your first poems. I did notice a few errors, but I think that everybody already covered them.
I disagree on the punctuation/flow. The question marks didn't seem to interfere with the flow at all. I also agree with EtCetera when he said that it was very thought-provoking. This is great for your first try! Keep it up!!

Can you catch a falling star in your hand?
Can your thin fingers keep a hold of the grains of sand?
Can you stop the hate that runs in our veins?
Can your words and actions stop the pains?
If you stop and listen, can you really hear?
If I hold your hand, can I remove the fear?
If we stand here together, can we make a difference?
If we quiet our thoughts, can we hear the truth in the silence?
Together, you and I, can we vanquish the hate?
I believe our peace is possible, if we only sit and wait.

Hello, Kuroi. I must apologize, but I can't critique it to shreds! This was nicely done, though we all know one can improve always. I'm just not sure how I can help you with this one. I'm just a reader now that would like to tell the writer that: I love the rhythm, the rhymes, the words used were great! I liked the style: using questions all throughout except for the last line to add punch. Nice, nice! =) Keep writing! Sorry I couldn't have been much more help with this one. But I do hope you keep on posting!

Jash ♥