I really love this poem! Beautiful wording and it flows perfectly! You paint an interesting picture! Keep writing!
If you want to be a great writer, don't think about what you're going to write, just write it.
I'm a huge fan of writers block! When your brain halts, with no direction for where you should go, it gives you threads. All you have to do is pull and unravel the story you're meant to write.
OMG I love this it's so beautiful but sad at the same time. It's kinda heartbreaking actually. I'm glad you decided to share i loved this lots my wonderful poetic friend.
This poem was good. I liked the use of language and imagery here. I usually say something about punctuation because many people overlook that, but this poem, even though there was a lack of it, it made it better. Great job.
I'm right with dante93 on this one. I usually flip out about punctuation in poems, but the lack of it here helps it flow better. Amazing work you've created here! I love your description and "figurative language" as my english teacher would say. Keep up the great work. Best Wishes!
In these bodies we live, in these bodies we die. Where we invest our love, we invest our life.-Mumford and Sons
After reading this, I still didn't fully comprehend the total sense of this poem. What are you wanting to tell us, your audience, through this poem? Okay, she's not dead, but is that metaphorical or literal? I'm very unsure.
You also need to punctuate your poetry. You aren't and it needs to be punctuated. Why? Because, just like Fiction writing, poetry demands punctuation or else it's just long run-on sentence. Usually in poetry, however, commas are used more often than periods, but periods are still used.
Your imagery is really awesome, I loved the metaphors. They were different, not used often, and that was a relief
Alright, I'm not too sure I understand the last three lines:
TamaraGoesRawr wrote:Do not stand at my grave and cry I am not there I did not die.
I think you need to explain more what happened here, I'm a bit confused. However, I do love the metaphors you used in there. The words you chose to construct the metaphors were simply brilliant. Actually, the language you used throughout the poem was brilliant. The poem also have a very nice, constant flow. The rhyming in there was very well done: you didn't make the sentence sound forced so that it could have rhyme in there. But you do need to explain what happens and also, use punctuations! Like lavenderBlue pointed out. Other than those two tiny points, the poem was quite well done.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
Sorry for the late review.
