fading footsteps

This poem as written in the middle of the night, when I couldn't sleep, It's just something that crossed my mind, when I was thinking about love, betrayal and life (in general). This is my first attempt to poetry, and I know it's not going to be an out-n-out success but still a girl can hope...
Hope you all at least understand the poem and well, like it...


Fading Footsteps

Walking down the steep pathway,
I realized. The end was coming.
But what if it brought a new start?
Did his choice affect me so much?
That I couldn’t try a new path?
Find what I’m searching for;
And still come across the smile,
That caused the universe to standstill!
Will I ever be alive again?
As I was, as I really was before,
Will I ever be able to forget?
The image of the fading footsteps he left behind...

Its a good first poem!!! =D I think I understand the story, this is a good thing that its not too straight forward, you make it more interesting =) It has a lot of emotion in it, most of it I'm getting as as loss and uncertainty. The only thing I'm not sure about is this line.

Did his choice affect me so much?
That I couldn’t try a new path?

I could be wrong hahha =) I'm not a grammar genius but I think a comma would be good here, like this =]

Did his choice affect me so much,
That I couldn’t try a new path?

You don't have to change it =) It just seems more flowy to me. But really I found nothing wrong with it =D Your a natural hahaha. Keep me posted on any poems you write

Amazingly raw. What I would like to see is it more broken up into stanzas, to help the flow that you have. But overall, good-job.

This was actually pretty good. There was a really natural feel that can be hard to capture in poetry sometimes, and I liked the simple concept. Well, I can't think of much to critique or complain about, so my one suggestion I guess would be to possibly expand on this. It's good as it is, and expanding it would just be more of a challenge, but it's a thought. I say that because this is vague, but still a nice piece of poetry.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

This was your first poem? Well, I sure couldn't tell. It was good and alot of people can relate to the feelings behind it. I couldn't find anything wrong with it, really. I can't wait to read your next poem. [:

I thought it was very good especially for a first poem. It had a nice rythem. Please continue writing poetry. All I really have to say is As I was, as I really was before, that part of the poem I didnt think it flowed well with the frest of the poem but really good job. =)

THANKS A LOT, GUYS!
YOU CAN'T IMAGINE MY SURPRISE THAT MY FIRST POEM RECEIVED SUCH GOOD REVIEWS. IT FEELS REALLY GREAT AND THANKS SO MUCH FOR TAKING OUT YOUR PRECIOUS TIME TO REVIEW IT.
I HOPE YOU ALL LOVE OTHER OF MY POEMS TOO...<3 <3

I donno, I think there are too many questions. When i read the second line, I almost thought it was about the end of the world. So then in the 4th line I realized it is about the end of a relationship, I wanted more. The reader doesn't know the answers to these questions, they are your questions to explore in the poem. I think you should try again, same subject. Try using specific details and sensory information. Idk.

best,

Hey Rooh!

What I liked about this poem was there was a really nice metaphor about the steep pathway and having to choose the path. This is a neat imagery that has been used by several really great poets and it's an awesome image! In fact, one such poem goes like this:

(Poem in the spoiler!)

Spoiler

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


~Robert Frost

So, you can see, this is a very popular image! Now, generally in poetry, you like to take a metaphor and run wild with it. So, it's not so much as listing off things rather than expanding an image and making it express what you want it to express. For instance, in your case, you used the imagery of the steep pathway to express the fact that things were hard and you had to choose where to go so you could find what you were searching for. Which is awesome!

Now, what you might want to try is to limit your questions. A couple of questions in poetry is not a bad thing! But the thing is, when you ask questions in poetry, they should be hard hitting and solitary, in order to make the best impact. Otherwise, they start to seem less important, which is not a good thing here! So, consider limiting the amount of questions you ask. See if you can express what you want in your imagery of the path and then ask the most important question that you want us to linger with.

Also! Just a minor issue... the steep path! Is it a downward or upward incline?