My Love for You Will Never Die

Sorry but I needed to take this down. Mostly for personal reasons, and I don't know how to delete this thing so I figured this is probably the next best thing I guess..

Wow. This is beautiful. I didn't find any mistakes in it that I could see, and the flow seems pretty sound. Just one thing.

|L|asting without you is the hardest and |l|ongest thing I have ever done.

This is the only line that didn't quite make sense. The "lasting without you is the hardest thing I have ever done" part is good, but "longest" didn't quite fit in there. You also already mention, a few times, I think, that it seems like forever without him, so you could just delete "longest" altogether.
Great job!!

Hi!

I don't really read poetry that often, but I really liked this. I don't know what it was, but this was beautiful. The emotion was perfect, and so was the description of everything. I also liked how it spelled out the title in the poem. That was a nice touch.

Great job!

Awesome Possum! The spelled out title was cool, but a little hard to read. Try bolding the letters or making them coloured or something. That way we can still enjoy the smooth flow of the poem.

|M|assive waves crash against? the rocks over the |y|ears. Good imagery here.
|L|ife continues |o|n, but for /us/ not |v|ery long.
But |e|very minute, every moment ticks off slowly, like |f|orever |o|nly until sleep takes me or my mind |r|uns out.
|Y|et with you moments can not go slow enough.
But |o|nly for you. This is a good line.
|U|ntil the moment |w|ith you again |i|t will be unfulfillable. Good word use.
|L|asting without you is the hardest and |l|ongest thing I have ever done.
Without you my heart will |n|ot be the same or complete.
|E|very breath will be cut short; I will break like a dried |v|ine snapped in two.
|E|ach memory of us will haunt me, and only when time unravels will I stop loving you and your perfect image.
No matter where I |r|un a piece of you follows me.
|D|o |I| follow you too? Are you as broken as me too? These questions here are good.
Whether you are or not, just know that with |e|verything you will have my heart. Good ending.

This is a beautiful poem. I loved it. It showed so much emotion and feeling to it and I think you did a great job with it. Keep up the awesome work!

Hi Mask!

I've always liked it when there's a little twist like this in poetry, but I didn't really like it that you "spoiled" the effect in the description line of this thread. As you have already distinguished the letters that spell out the hidden words, leave it to the reader to figure it out by themselves. It's much more fun and rewarding that way. Make your readers work a little with your writing!

If it weren't for the hidden words, I'm afraid this poem wouldn't be extremely interesting. You don't use a lot of imagery, and when you do, it's quite basic and everyday. Also the fact that every line is a sentence of its own and ends in a full stop makes the poem sound a little choppy without a smooth rhythm.

However, I liked the concept of the hidden words, and I can clearly see you tried to paint a picture with the poem, so props for that -- not everyone bothers to try.

Hope this helped!


Demeter
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