patterns and peaches

alphabet spinster, with
needle and thread and slow syllables collected
like buttons in a bag, she speaks
soft with a voice like thrush in the wind and there is
a pattern to her pattern and no pattern
to follow, but she weaves wicker like summer and spring
and the old harsh winters pa never let her forget, when
she missed the slope of peaches in her hands; the basket is for
autumn, for rulers and red knuckles, learning letters looped
through crude black lines on white paper and milking white
cows with lines to memorize in the pull of her hands--
cold memories, frayed workclothes in snow and bulky pockets full of rocks,
firewood splinters biting at her palms, shift this way and shift
that way and shift into the grate for winter come, when the cow will low at her icy hands....

but winter has gone, and her rocking chair whispers with the
brush of gray dresses and old bones, creaking at
the pull of grandchildren and reminscense, and she has
peaches with cream between her stories, and she has
memories to eat in the pull of her needle.

WOW!! every time i read it i feel something new. i love it very much,
well done!
there is just the punctuation you should look to, but it's good. i love it
Keep up, update us with more

Hai Penezenka,

Keeping it short. Because you know what you're doing.

You're growing to develop a much better grasp on how to work imagery, how to make it more original while maintaining your voice. But you still lack any feeling, or much story here.

You suffer from a form of 2D poetry, you have the skin and the bones/technicalities to hold it up, but it lacks any of the insides needed to function properly.

Poetry need a glowing skin to wrap around feeling, purpose and depth. You can't carve the outside ball of the poem elaborately and expect for it to make up for the fact this is completely hollow.

I don't know what you need to invest yourself or at least create some illusion of feeling in your poetry, because all it's doing is detailing out a scene, but we have no idea what we're supposed to feel, what we're supposed to understand about the personas or scene or happening. And it's not something I can help you with.

You're beginning to invoke a tone with your imagery which is a good step in the right direction, but you really have to bring out that and set out a specific tone with a punch on the table. This is really the hardest part of poetry, and most of us are still working on it, but you gotta get started, technicals and your voice will develop and change as you reach for that.

Whoa, I was mildly pleasant for once.

Kamas

I feel like I haven't reviewed in forever so this will be rusty. Aren't you excited?

1. My first reaction upon reading this was something alone the lines of: "whoa. wait. what? wait. what was that--?" I was so confused!
1A. I suspect periods might help, or more line breaks. There's nothing technically wrong, really, and it could be seen as artistic, but it's basically the equivalent of one of those magician scarves? The ones they pull out of their mouths and just when you think they're done pulling out they keep going and going and going? Yes. That is what a lot of this poem is.
1B. Also, I don't understand what THIS

alphabet spinster, with
needle and thread and slow syllables collected
like buttons in a bag, she speaks
soft with a voice like thrush in the wind and there is
a pattern to her pattern and no pattern
to follow

has to do with the rest of your poem. You kinda mention words again with 'learned letters' but the focus of this poem seems to be farm life. I mean, I FEEL like that's the focus, but then you've got this first stanza-thing with the alphabet spinster--what does that MEAN?--and then it never real comes up again, not even in your final stanza! I suggest taking out above quoted part or re-focusing your poem. Same with "a pattern to her pattern and no pattern to follow." What? I was so confused. (And probably not everyone was confused. I'm going to let you in a little secret: I'm a blonde. So you can either dumb it down for me or choose not to. I'm just going to let you know what me and blonde friends would be thinking. )

2. PERIODS! I find myself instinctively gasping for air as I read this. Gasp! Gasp! It's quite unsettling. And it actually takes away from my reading experience. So. I'll sing it again. PERIODS!

3.

when the cow will low at her icy hands....

Abso-expletive-lutely gorgeous. You have this gift for understated beauty but I believe you do NOT USE THIS GIFT ENOUGH! It is SO frustrating. And

but she weaves wicker like summer and spring
and the old harsh winters pa never let her forget, when
she missed the slope of peaches in her hands;

THIS IS SO GORGEOUS IT NEARLY MAKES ME CRY. But then you get into the basket and there are commas and I understand where you're going but I don't really understand how it ties in with everything else. Because nothing with words ties up in the last stanza. Consider taking it out entirely? Don't know how that would affect how you view this piece, but it might be strongest with just a focus on hardships and peaches. You know? Strip it down to make it breathe. Arty stuff.

4. Okay.

but winter has gone, and her rocking chair whispers with the
brush of gray dresses and old bones, creaking at
the pull of grandchildren and reminscense, and she has
peaches with cream between her stories, and she has
memories to eat in the pull of her needle.

I like the first part of this. I mean, okay. It could be cool, if you choose to keep your letters focus in, to have her instead escaping to school or whatever and loop charcoal lines across a page and imagine/live somewhere where the peaches are always in season. But that's just me. Oh. And *reminisce, is I think what you were going for, unless she never learned to spell due to her inferior education. Which could be arty, if done consistently. But I know. I hate that word too. Anyway, to make it brief, your last two lines don't tie in at all to the rest of your poem the way I read it--what significance did you want the peaches to play? They were mentioned quite briefly--and I suppose I can assume she can sew because, well, all farm people sew, but still. As much as I love "memories to eat in the pull of her needle," it doesn't create conciseness very well.

I did not keep it short. And you do what you're doing. You're fantastic, brilliant, supremely excellent, and I will always bow down and worship your poetry skillz. But I didn't get this one, and I think it boils down to

*ONE. MAIN. IDEA.*

Or perhaps I was reading it all wrong. But anyway. You're fabulous.

xoxo.

alphabet spinster, with
needle and thread and slow syllables collected
like buttons in a bag, she speaks
soft with a voice like thrush in the wind and there is
a pattern to her pattern and no pattern
to follow, but she weaves wicker like summer and spring
and the old harsh winters pa never let her forget, when
she missed the slope of peaches in her hands; the basket is for
autumn, for rulers and red knuckles, learning letters looped
through crude black lines on white paper and milking white
cows with lines to memorize in the pull of her hands--
cold memories, frayed workclothes in snow and bulky pockets full of rocks,
firewood splinters biting at her palms, shift this way and shift
that way and shift into the grate for winter come, when the cow will low at her icy hands....

liked: 'buttons in a bag,' 'thrush in the wind.' I don't think you should end that line on 'is.'' carriage return. I like: weaves wicker like summer and spring. Didn't like the next line, harsh winters pa, I don't know, it was too much I think. Liked 'red knuckles.' I don't think you need to modify 'pockets' with 'bulky' especially when the pockets are full of rocks. I think this stanza will mostly benefit from condensation: It's all there, but there's too much. Pare it down a little, rid yourself of unnecessary words.

but winter has gone, and her rocking chair whispers with the
brush of gray dresses and old bones, creaking at
the pull of grandchildren and reminscense, and she has
peaches with cream between her stories, and she has
memories to eat in the pull of her needle.

Good ending. I'm not sure if the enjambment is working at all, but since you consistently end on words you "aren't supposed to end on," maybe you get away with it. I can't decide yet. Was it intentional to end on words such as 'the,' and 'has'? Those are not strong words to end lines on but the last line really saves it, it is a very strong line. Good work.

best,