What Would You Say?

Spoiler

Here's a love poem I wrote back in 2009; I actually like this piece a lot!

What would you say if
I asked you to let me in?

That in this battle we call love,
You and I can win?

What you would say if
I promised I wouldn’t go?

That I’d be here long enough,
So we can watch this bond grow?

Until it nipped the very sky…

But what would you say if
It is I who is your release?

To ease my way into your heart,
And fill that missing piece?

What would you say?

2009 Vincent Cuccolo

Hey! I liked this piece a lot. The questions were sweet. I find one little part hard to understand though...

PoeticGlow wrote:But what would you say if
It is I who is your release? --> This line reads funny.

Other then that I loved it! Keep it up
-Jessa

Nice poem. It flows nicely and it just sounds great. There were only two parts I thought could be edited:

Until it nipped the very sky…

and

What would you say?

They didn't really go with the style because every other stanza was two lines while those were only one. I also thought the first one kind of took away from the flow of the poem, while the second one was the perfect ending. It just didn't seem to fit in that particular place to me.

I love the poem though! I hope to read more from you!

I love this poem it is soo cute!!! I think it shows a lot of emotion and how you feel.

Overall I liked it, but I have a suggestion for one line. The line where you say " I wouldn't go" try replacing it with something like "I'd never go", just a thought. The questions you posed were very sweet and relatable, and that's always good. Good job.