Anger

Okay guys this is just the first like half of a chapter to start my book off. I honestly just need to know if it sucks because I was reading it and it sucked in my opinion. I know better then to trust my opinion though so I am asking you guys.

Have you ever been so ANGRY that you just want to tear out of your skin and scream. Let the essence of your soul fly away with all the hate and all the pain. The sadness and the hate mixed like chocolate and cheese, and make a distgusting mixture of anger and voilence. The anger that pulls at you, leaving little pin pricks of blood across your heart. Every little a hole missing a dagger.
Anger. I have been prexsis with anger. I know it like the back of your hand against my cold tortured face. Every little cut is like another gouge in my spirit. ANGER, the stupidity of the moment. The reason we regret. Anger, Anger, Anger... I wish I had forgiven you...
It was December, the wind blew my hair up in my face. The chill ran down my spine. I was on my way to the car, trying to balance books in one hand, and coffee in the other, with my ginormous backpack hanging off one arm. It was a normal morning.
I walked into school fifteen minutes later, now together and on a mission to my locker.
“ MAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” My slightly insane best friend screamed from across the gym. Our private school had two small buildings. One building was a gym with class rooms and a long hallway. This is they would mostly keep the middle school kids locked up. The other, much nicer, building ( which was just a few steps away from the gym) was where they kept the elementary kids. The school in all had a population of about 200 kids. Yup, 200 kids locked up and tortured by their insane Christian obsessed teachers.
“ANNA!” I screamed back at her and smiled. Friends, gotta love them right?
She ran up to me and quickly dished out some gossip about the new kids in school. Anything at this school was big news even if it was just about getting a new cone for the school parking lot. If you couldn’t tell, things here were dreadfully dull, other then the 8th grade class who tried making as much drama as possible.
“ They are sisters apparently, and they got sent here cause one of them got in fights all the time. I think it was the older one. The younger one goes to youth group with some of the kids, and they say she’s pretty cool.” Anna drawled on as the first bell rang and we walked to class.
It was in the middle of Mrs. Lee’s speech on some historical event ( I never paid much attention in school ) when there was a knock on the door, and one of the office staff members walked in fallowed my a girl who looked to be 13. She was defiantly part asian, and dressed like an emo kid. Her skinny jeans weren’t really tight, and seemed to small for her, and she had a ninja turtles jacket one. I never got the obsession with them, honestly.
Faintly in the back of the class room you could hear one of the boys whisper, “I call dibs!”
I stared her down with curiosity until the office staff said my name.
“Yes?” I replied
“Could you, please, show Ashly around today?”
“Sure.” I glanced back at the girl, who was now starring at my arm. On my arm I wore a wristband, not because I cut my self, just because I thought it was cool. When she saw, I saw her looking she moved away and started talking to one of the girls she knew.
I whispered to Anna, “What do you think?”
“She looks cool, I’m going to go say ‘hi’” Anna whispered back and walked away.
The bell rang for the period to be over and ran out of the classroom. Halfway down the hall I remember I was suppose to show Ashly around.
“Sorry about that, Ashly, what class are you in?” I smiled at her trying to be polite.
“ Algebra.”
“Woah, your in algebra already?”

Well, the first part doesn't really make much sense with the rest of it. If you're going to discuss the anger and then talk about how it comes out, you need a smoother transition. It just went from I'M GONNA RIP SOMETHING APART BECAUSE I'M ANGRY!!!!!! to normal, everyday boring school.
Your transitions in general are kinda off, actually. Like you were talking about your friend, then you suddenly started talking about the school.
I dunno, it did kinda suck, but part of that was spelling and grammar errors. That whole last part about the bell ringing and running out of the room would've been really cool, but bells don't run. You also need past tense on the remember and the suppose.
There are lots of issues with it. It looks like a rough draft, though, so there is some hope for it. I'd say write out a full chapter and then see if it sucks.

Heya.

I read up to the infodump about the number of buildings.

Your two main problems here were melodrama and, as I just mentioned, an infodump. Let's attack each at once.

Melodrama: All your comments about anger read as over the top. They distanced me from the character, and the only reason I kept reading because, for whatever reason, I wanted to see if this commentary had a point.

That's the secret with actually writing intense emotions: they have to have a point. By opening your novel with this, readers have zero reason to care about what the heck is going on. You're presenting the end to a very complicated situation, with no wit, no interesting character, no anything to make us care or even make us interested. Tone down on the anger, and make us care as soon as you possibly can.

Another minor thing, that relates to the melodrama. Only have one punctuation mark. Using more to show yelling or intense emotion in narration is amateur. You did redeem yourself a little with the tag of "slightly insane best friend", but that tag should be enough to tell us the volume. Don't rely on gimmicks.

Infodump: By slipping in an infodump first chance you got, paragraph 5 to be exact, you killed any interest I had in the story. Before then I had some hope you'd make the opening paragraphs would relate to something, as you'd already begun the transition to some sort of explanation. But once you start slipping in pointless information about the school, I lost interest completely.

Overall: I saw some promise in the line "I wish I had forgiven you". But it was buried under the melodrama. Cut down on those emotions a lot, maybe just to two or three well-worded lines, and keep us interested in his emotions. That's your hook right now. Your MC's emotions. Don't deviate from that until readers have a reason to care about these emotions, so we don't lose interest.

PM me if you have any questions or comments.

~Rosey