Fights and Kisses

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Fights and kisses

Oh how I wish I could say,
How I feel about you today.
I have known this a little while,
I think maybe we’re both in denial.

We don’t seem to get along,
But Couples fight, or am I wrong?
I’m starting to get nervous when you’re around,
Sometimes I can’t even make a sound.

Oh how I wish I could say,
I want things to go my way.
I once thought I’d kiss you,
At that time you caught the flu.

Sometimes I want to sing a song,
About how my heart to you belongs.
When we argue it’s like a little spat,
Sometimes I can be more than a brat.

Oh how I wish I could kiss you,
Many other things I wish we could do.
I once thought I’d tell you how I feel,
Now I wonder if we’d have something real.

You don’t see any girls other than me,
But we don’t talk, how can that be?
Although we argue over little stuff,
It’s nothing hurtful to make me huff.

I’m not a stalker but I’ll admire you from a tree,
Because for you my heart truly bleeds…
90% of writing is re-writing!




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Gender Female
Points 1617
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Interesting. You capture (as I see it) a very complicated relationship from the girl's point of view.
A few mechanical things:
But Couples fight,
Is couples supposed to be capitalized or not?
I once thought I’d kiss you,
At that time you caught the flu.
This line didn't quite make sense to me. Did she actually kiss him, or just think about it?
Other than that, I really liked this!
"The difficulty of literature is not to write, but to write what you mean." -Robert Louis Stevenson
"Write or die trying."
JA hatar pisanje.




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Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 58
Thanks, no it's meant to be lower case on the frist quote and on the second, maybe I need a comma? No they didn't kiss, she was going to kiss him, but he caguth the flu.
90% of writing is re-writing!




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Gender Female
Points 2511
Reviews 51
I liked this a lot! I love the way you captured the complexity of the relationship. The rhyme you kept throughout the whole poem was good too! :]

There was one part that confused me though...
Oh how I wish I could say,
I want things to go my way.
I once thought I’d kiss you,
At that time you caught the flu.


Maybe try rewording what exactly you are trying to say here. Other then that I loved it; it was easy to relate to. Nicely done!

-Jessa <3
Love is like a butterfly, it settles upon you when you least expect it.
Drew Marrymore

~Jessa~



You are beautiful because you let yourself feel, and that is a brave thing indeed.
— Shinji Moon