Release Me

Shake me, break me
Throw me away
I am nothing, but forgotten

Take my heart
Step on it
Squish it
Until it is dry
Drink the blood
And watch my eyes
As they begin to flood
Watch while I die

Extract my soul
And suck out my breath
For I wish nothing now
But death

Erase the pain
Dry the tears
I am no longer here

this is great I love it a lot please write some more like this!!!!

Make it a song. Gets some horns and bass in there. I could dance to this if it was given a good tune!

There's the best review I ever wrote!
;D
--Skis

Hi there. Lavvi in to review today.

So. Um. This was rather depressing. I don't know how you can handle writing it, it puts myself in such a dark place. It's hard to comprehend why you'd like writing something like this xD

Anyway, you need to punctuate. It feels rather blank and boring without punctuation. In fact, it really ruins the flow. So. Punctuate!

Yours,
Lavvi

Okay, I will admit that this is a rather depressing poem. Depressing but powerful. It's also very lyrical as shadowknight155 said. I don't know why, but I started hearing it as a melody more than reading it as a poem. The structuring looks fine, actually. Although I think it would look better if you divide the second stanza in to two stanzas. Like this:

Shyblueishflower wrote:Take my heart
Step on it
Squish it
Until it is dry

Drink the blood
And watch my eyes
As they begin to flood
Watch while I die

It just makes the poem looks more even, that's all. However, if you choose to keep it in one stanza, that's fine too. I reckon that you can make this into a song actually, put a chorus in there or something.

Wow. That is intense. The imagery...wow. Very heartfelt, even if I'm not sure what exactly it means. Well written.

Hello there,

I found this so incredibly dark and depressing which is usually fine with poems if there is balance, but this was just way too gloomy and depressing. I don't know how you can write this. Don't get me wrong it is good, powerful and passionate but it just makes my stomach turn to jelly which is good in a way, but it also means that it has to much dark and no light. Many people would probably stop reading this immediately, but I still think it's good, just way too dark.

From CuteJackRussell

Hi Cassie here,

Let me start by saying WOW

The imagery is amazing.
While reading your poem I felt lots of emotion.
I loved the style in which it was written. Also amazing.
I thing you should definitely write more poems in this style!!

Just one thing though that seemed to bother me
Was the very last line. It ruined the flow for me; maybe if you added a bit more punctuation it would make is sound better

But overall I really liked it and I am looking forward to reading some more of your poems!!

--143--

I know I already replied but it is soo good I can't stop reading it!!!!

keep writing!!!!