Help the Peeps

Spoiler

I decided to post this since Easter is coming up soon. I apologize for the many American sayings that may or may not make sense. I wrote this for my family a few years ago, so the writing isn't quite up to par, and there are a few inside jokes that I tried to make friendly for everyone.
It's not very long, so I'd like to hear your opinion.

A peep, the candy of Spring, is the one candy that can wind up stuffed between couch cushions and forgotten behind the canned beets bought for thirty-five cents. Even in all it's yellow, marshmallow-y goodness the peep is not a favorite with many of the population.
Yellow, pink, blue, purple. No matter the color hundreds of peeps go stale every year. Every peep, from the moment they come out of the factory, dreams to be eaten by a human who has been filled with the spirit of Spring. Sadly, some peeps are bought only to bring the appearance of some Spring spirit and grow moldy.
The name's Chickerson, and I've been sent by the Department of Peep Suffering or DPS to raise the awareness of the horrible treatment of peeps everywhere. I'm here to ask you very nicely, with my little cute chick face trembling, to please, please eat us.
You humans seem to feel sorry for the food you eat without asking us how we feel about the situation. The truth is, normally the Browns play a pretty good game at the Superbowl. Our job is to be eaten so find some water to feel sorry for. We don't want your pity.
Peeps are the adorable marshmallows shaped like chicks with colored sugar on the outside and, believe it or not, they have feelings too. They yearn to share their sweet yumminess with you but some of you have turned your nose up at them after only one peep has passed through your pearly gates. A bit picky if you ask me.
So give the peep another try and see if you can fulfill a young chick's dream.

Hi!

This is such a short nugget of a piece, and so I don't really have a great deal to say. A couple of more nitpicky comments:

A peep, the candy of Spring, is the one candy that can wind up stuffed between couch cushions and forgotten behind the canned beets bought for thirty-five cents.

A little bit of repetition there.

The truth is, normally the Browns play a pretty good game at the Superbowl. Our job is to be eaten so find some water to feel sorry for. We don't want your pity.

This part was completely lost on me, but it could be references that I just don't pick up on, what with being a Brit and all :P

I though the comparison of teeth to pearly gates was quite witty, the body of the peep passing through one, and I guess the soul passing through another? (Ah, the philosophy of candy).

I also liked that it was encouraging people to eat more peeps; generally things that I've read previously along these lines have been about how intolerably cruel it is for us people to eat sweets, all they want is life and we insist on gnawing off their faces, so it was quite a refreshing change.

One thing that did stick out to me, though, was the introduction of Chickerson. It changed the tone a little; previously it sounded a bit more like a PSA about peeps, but after that the tone becomes a little more brash, with humans being told to suck it up and that we're ignorant things, this in turn is quite different again to the final paragraph, which has a tone more similar to the beginning of the piece. I think it would be better to chose a tone and stick to it, Chickerson comes across a little more hard-boiled detective (as much as a peep can in a few sentences), rather than a diplomatic representative of peep-kind with the language that he uses.

Anyway! I hope that I was of some use to you, with this being as short as it is, and more of a humour piece, I'm sorry that I didn't have more to say, but it does feel a little strange to make all these comments about little marshmallow chicks! I can assure Chickerson though, if I ever managed to get hold of any over here on this side of the pond, I'd treat them to a good old fashioned cuppa' before nomming on their little heads ;)

-Tinny

I love this! The story is cute and makes me smile.

You humans seem to feel sorry for the food you eat without asking us how we feel about the situation...our job is to be eaten so find some water to feel sorry for. We don't want your pity.

This is my favorite part of the whole thing.

Thanks for putting a smile on my face.

A Peep, the candy of Spring, is the one candy that can wind up stuffed between couch cushions or (I think this works better and makes for easier understanding on first read-through) forgotten behind the canned beets bought for thirty-five cents. Even in all it's yellow, marshmallowy (no need for the hyphen) goodness(,) the Peep is not a favorite with many of the population (awkward phrasing here).

"Peep" is a product name and therefore a proper noun, so it should be capitalized. That aside, this paragraph made me smile because I know exactly what you're talking about with the stuffed-between-couch-cushions scenario. Fossilized Peeps are always interesting to uncover. XD

Yellow, pink, blue, purple.

In the first paragraph, you defined Peeps as being yellow, which implies that they only come in yellow, so this section feels a bit incongruous. You might want to switch the "yellow" in the first paragraph to "colorful".

Otherwise, you had some issues with comma placement, with more commas being missing than extra. There are a couple of good guides out there on comma use, and one of my personal favorites is the OWL at Purdue.

Overall though, this was a cute little story and a fun, quick read.