Santana, just like the first time

Santana, just like the first time

I hate early mornings.
I hate long days at uni. Ugh.
I hate early morning car frost,
A stark contrast to my girlfriends sleeping lips.
I hate the rising suns glare.
I hate inconsiderate, son of a bitch, drivers who don’t let you in.
I hate how buses are almost always late,
Not to mention how they are almost always full.
Getting a seat allows me to relax and focus on something else, like those around me.
Hmm, I should really get a new Mp3

A very good collection of thoughts, a few punctuation and grammar errors but nothing huge. It doens't quite flow right but then again, it doesn't need to, as this seems to be thoughts written down. Thoughts don't obey the laws of poetic flow as they have a certain flow of their own.

Overall, not bad. We all have our personal lists of hate, what's different is yours is a tad more poetic than most.

-Greena

deo wrote:Santana, Just Like the First Time

I hate early mornings.
I hate long days at uni. Ugh. What is uni? Are you expressing an inability to finish a word? It's distracting too early.
I hate early morning car frost,
A stark contrast to my girlfriend's sleeping lips. Possessive.
I hate the rising sun's glare. Possessive.
I hate the inconsiderate, son of a bitch, driver who doesn’t let me in. I reworded, but you could do it differently.
I hate how buses are almost always late,
and almost always full.
Getting a seat allows me to relax and focus on something else, like those around me.
Hmm, I should really get a new MP3 player.

Corrections and suggestions are in red. This is a nice free from train/list of thoughts but at times is as boring as your morning. Steer away from making a redundant shopping list. Show us something about your morning, or explain why you hat these things.

uni, as in university of northern iowa? Um, anyway, my only words of advice involve... varied sentence structure would be good. Not a fan of the repetition. Other then that, I liked it. It has this nonchalance that I can really appreciate. There are some problems with punctuation and stuff, but you knew that.