Eleanor *Novel in Progress* PROLOGUE

Suddenly, all the familiarity disappears. I look around to find the person. He is nowhere to be seen. I slip my hand into my shirt to feel my heartbeat. It is too fast. If Daddy is here, what would he do? I open my mouth to scream, only to realize that there is no sound. My fingers wrap around my throat, urging it. Still, there is only silence.
My shirt is sticky from the humidity, my skin itchy from mosquito bites. I do not even think of the diseases that could infect me. I pray silently, mouthing out the prayer. Now, all I can think of, is going home.

Well this is an interesting start. I could picture this very clearly in my head; my word is to make it longer. Other than that this is a very good story and can't wait for you to post more! Good luck and keep up the fabulous work!!!! Happy Writing!!! and Welcome to Young Writers Society!
Soulkana<3

Thank you!
I would make it longer, but I didn't know how.

I like this! It's descriptive, and I can picture it perfectly in my head. Good job!

Hi Dream! Lavvi here to review as requested.

So this is a little short to give a full review, but I'll try my best.

This is definitely an appealing prologue/start to a novel. I'm curious about what's coming, what this is about. You've obviously got the draw-the-audience-in-quickly part down pat. So I'll focus on something else at the moment.

NITPICKS

I look around to find the person.

This is an awkward word to put here. It ruins the fluidity of your talent and it's very unspecific. I know that that's what you're trying to aim for, but you can specific while not being specific. I make sense, no? xD What I mean is: the word "him" would work better here by infinite amounts.

I slip my hand into my shirt to feel my heartbeat.

Seriously? Think hard. Would someone actually do this? I find it kind of...bizarre for a person of right mind to stick their hand over their heart to feel their heartbeat. Sure, you can do it over the shirt but under...? It's just...weird. My opinion only, however.

It's a nice, suspenseful start!

Yours,
Lavvi

Actually, I intended for it to be "the person" because I didn't want to disclose the gender.
Feeling her heartbeat is something of her habit, there is a story behind it, and it will be written later on.