Young Writers Society

So I just wrote this yesterday, I'm not all that great at poetry but I hope it's enjoyable. Any pointers/advice would be awesome! Thanks

Before the dawn turns into dust
And drifts away upon the breeze
Drink the morning's sweet sunlight
Taste the promise of this new day

Dance among the glades and pools
Bask in the glow of shining trees
Frolic with the waking flower
Who smile and sing and smell so sweet

Winter's cold has gone away
Rain drops wash and leave renewed
this world, for you, is young and new
Don't fear the thought of letting go

Just close your eyes...
Just seize this day.

Awesome poem I really loved it. Could practically see the image in my mind ^^ Good luck and Happy Writing!!!
Soulkana<3

I also love the imagrey, for such a short amount of time you did very well!


I love this
"Frolic with the waking flower
Who smile and sing and smell so sweet"
It's beautiful!
All in all it is truly a great poem!

Keep up the good work!

I love it. It makes life seem so happy, so frivolous. I have no criticism except why haven't you written more!?

Before the dawn turns into dust
And drifts away upon the breeze,
Drink the morning's sweet sunlight -
Taste the promise of this new day.

Dance among the glades and pools,
Bask in the glow of shining trees.
Frolic with the waking flowers
Who smile and sing and smell so sweet.

Winter's cold has gone away,
Rain drops wash and leave renewed
this world, for you, is young and new -
Don't fear the thought of letting go.

Just close your eyes
And seize this day.

I only changed a few grammatical things and the last line to make the poem sound more...complete. However, I do feel like it's missing a little something, so PM me if you ever decide to expand on it. I get comments/reviews that tell me they want more from the poem, and I do not know where you are coming from as a writer, so do what you please. I know that sometimes we just want the poem to end where it's supposed to end.

Anyways, I really loved the imagery and language you used throughout - it was beautifully written. I look foward to reading more of your work, happy writing

By the way, awesome title.

Hi there. Lavvi in to review.

Your poem is lovely. The rhythm is great, falls wonderfully on each word. Your poem doesn't really rhyme, and yet it does. I think it is due to your terrific meter.

However, I really think you should punctuate poetry. Yes, poetry is definitely not prose, but it still needs punctuation in most cases. Lunasol21 did a good job of punctuating your poem for you, but here's what I suggest:

Before the dawn turns into dust,
And drifts away upon the breeze,
Drink the morning's sweet sunlight,
Taste the promise of this new day.

Dance among the glades and pools,
Bask in the glow of shining trees,
Frolic with the waking flower,
Who smile and sing and smell so sweet.

Winter's cold has gone away,
Rain drops wash and leave renewed.
This world, for you, is young and new--
Don't fear the thought of letting go.

Just close your eyes...
Just seize this day.

Overall, this poem kind of seems all over the place, with no exact target in mind concerning your idea (for the poem). I, myself, have little or no comprehension of what you're trying to write about. It's nothing exceptionally original, but I give you credit nonetheless for the terrific beat of the poem. Perhaps, though, keep a target in mind for future poetry writing.

I liked the reference to Carpe Diem in the last line.

Yours,
Lavvi

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments and advice. I'll try to keep everything you've pointed out in mind in future writings