Move on for Me

I wrote this the other day for NaPo, and I really like it. Whaddya think?

They say home is where the heart is,
Which is most-likely true,
In that case, I should be over-seas with you.

I pray to God, as days pass,
'Let him be okay.'
'Let him come back.'

Your letters are scarce and far apart,
So few, it rips my heart apart.
I write everyday, to make you feel like your here with me.

But you aren't.
They can't tell me where you are.
They wont let me know,

If your alive or dead,
Nobody knows.
'Please don't let him be gone.'

It's a quarter past three,
I answer the door,
to a man dressed in green.

I stare at the letter,
For far too long,
It's not getting better.

Two letters came that day,
One from him,
and one filled with grief.

The letter that mattered,
It said, "C'mon, baby, be strong."
"Move on for me."

They say home is where the heart is,
Which is most-likely true,
In that case, I should be over-seas with you.

I pray to God, as days pass,
'Let him be okay.'
'Let him come back.'

Your letters are scarce and far apart,
So few, it rips my heart apart.
I write everyday, to make you feel like your here with me.

But you aren't.
They can't tell me where you are.
They wont let me know,

If your alive or dead,
Nobody knows.
'Please don't let him be gone.'

It's a quarter past three,
I answer the door,
to a man dressed in green.

I stare at the letter,
For far too long,
It's not getting better.

Two letters came that day,
One from him,
and one filled with grief. Think it would be better to have The other was filled with grief

The letter that mattered,
It said, "C'mon, baby, be strong."
"Move on for me."

Can't find anything wrong, other than that one suggestion which doesn't need to be changed, I just thought it would work smoother but its fine XD. I just couldn't find any sections I loved more than another, but the last made me cry T.T My step dad is in the war zone at this moment and I worry for my mom and siblings since he's all they have. T.T I want to say thanks for making such a moving poem. Am glad I read it and hope to read more of your work soon. Good luck and Happy Writing!!!!!!
Soulkana<3

I thought of Dear John when I read this. I like it too. xP It has a suprise twist at the end. I'd just like to point out that in your third stanza you use 'apart' twice as the last word of two lines. You may or may not want to edit there. Sorry, I'm not too much help when it comes to poetry, it's not really my genre. But anyways, keep up the race with NaPo!

-Crescent

Love the message. Very nice.

The flow is a little jerky for me, and it should be you're instead of your in stanza 5, line 1. Also, I think there are too many commas in the latter part--you can convey much the same thing by using hyphens, or just by letting the line breaks speak for themselves.

I enjoyed reading this. The end kinda hit home ("where the heart is" ). It's so sad! I think the poem could have flowed better, and I didn't really like that the majority of your stanzas didn't have a rhyming pattern, but it seemed as if the rhyming appeared randomly. Maybe that's just me. Other than that, your grammar is pretty good, and you've created a good poem. I like it .

AdoxagraphyAngelus wrote:Two letters came that day,
One from him,
and one filled with grief.

The letter that mattered,
It said, "C'mon, baby, be strong."
"Move on for me."

Ugh, the sadness.

Keep writing!

xoxo,
Kiicoh.