Jealousy

Some day I wil have,
the power,
what I see you with.
Some day I will have,
the smile,
what is always on your face.
Some day,hard to believe
you are human too,
like me.
No, let me
be me,
better than you,
or is this just jealousy?
Let me be me,
you shall see.

Some day I wil, it should be will have,
the power,
what I see you with.
Some day I will have,
the smile,
what is always on your face.
Some day,hard to believe , there should be a space
you are human too,
like me.
No, let me
be me,
better than you,
or is this just jealousy?
Let me be me,
you shall see.

Other than those two spelling mistakes I think this a truly marvelous poem and can't wait to read more of your work. Hope to see more very soon and shall await more. Good luck and Happy Writing!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soulkana<3

Hi, Princess!

So, you have a neat concept, but right now, your poem is just that; a concept. It's very skeleton-like in the sense that there's not a lot of detail or description, so there's nothing to really to remember this by. You can even this in how short the stanzas are.

When you write something in prose, your writing has to flow, you have to paint an image to readers, and you have to have memorable characters in addition to an interesting concept to be good. In poetry, you paint an image, have flow and rhythm, use descriptive and varied words in addition to an interesting concept. Do you read any poetry? If not, I suggest you take a look here and here to see how some people do it.

So, you want your poem to be about jealousy. Great! Now start plotting out the details. Is this going to be in first person or third? is it going to contain specific characters or just be about jealousy in general? If it's the former, does one character make the other jealous over one specific thing, or everything? By the end of the poem, has the jealousy been overcome, or is it still around? What are some metaphors or similes that you want to use?

Then, I would just start writing. Just like in prose, you can't get everything perfect on the first go. It takes a lot of revision to get things right, and sometimes, the best thing to do is just get your ideas out on paper and then start writing. If you're new to poetry, I would be even less worried. It's hard and it takes a lot of time to master, especially if you don't have a knack for it right off the bat. Maybe you can even try a few practice poems to get your brain flowing. I'd also suggest taking a look at this board, which has a lot of helpful articles about how to write poetry.

Anyway, that's all I really have to say. You've chosen something interesting to write about and I think that you can really make this good if you just add some of the things I was mentioning earlier. If you can't, that's fine! Learn of the experience of writing it, shelf this and move on to something else. Sometimes we write a lot just for practice. If, in a year or so, you want to return to the idea, that's awesome -- I've done that a few times.

I hope this helps you! Feel free to drop me an note if you have any further questions.

~ Elinor

You so far have a great idea going, but try to tidy it up a bit maybe? Here are my suggestions

Some day I wil have, Already been pointed out, but you're missing an "l" here, no biggie just a slip of the finger
the power,
what I see you with. This word doesn't quite seem to fit, and it took me a few reading-overs to realize what it meant. I think you should replace "what" with "that." The power that you are seeing him with right? That just makes a little more sense.
Some day I will have, Unneeded comma, not a huge deal but grammar is extremely important when trying to get your correct point across .
the smile,
what is always on your face. Again, "that" might make a better word for this phrase that "what."
Some day,hard to believe You don't have a space between the comma and "hard." Again, no biggie.
you are human too, Now I'm confused a little bit. Some day...you are human too? Someday you will be human? I don't understand. Is "some day" really necessary?
like me.
No, let me Who/what are you saying no to?
be me,
better than you, What makes you better?
or is this just jealousy?
Let me be me,
you shall see. Good concept but what are we going to see? What are we looking for? what makes you better? Expand, expand, expand.

Good luck

thank you for the reviews

This is cool. Everyone else has pretty much said what I was going to so there is no use in repeating it. Other than that great job. Keep Writing!!