The Violet Saga: Year One

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A good first chapter :)

I love the description in this, especially of the storm. The constant reference to it really helps to maintain the atomosphere, and I could quite vividly imagine a storm raging outside my own window.

One description I must fault on is the eyes - try not to describe someones eyes. If you must bring your reader to a close-up of your characters face then explain the expression, rather than just the colour. For example: 'her violet eyes like and endless sea; crashing and yet distant.' Your reader isn't going to remember her for her eyes, and isn't going to imagine that colour every time they think of Alexis. It would be better just to say 'her eyes were blue and distant.'

Another tip for describing appearances it to mention notable or unusual things, like freckles or scars. Is the person slight in build or large? Do they look like they could hold up a house or blow away in the wind? These things will give more of an impression than describing someone's eyes as 'crashing.'

The word 'child' also gets incredibly repetetive, and annoying. I can see how there is much mystery surrounding her, but it wouldn't hurt to give her a consistent name all the way through.

On to chapter two.
We were born to be amazing.




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Thanks once again for the review Tenyo I'll do my best to try and fix the mistakes. Yes I began to notice that and was planning on getting rid of most of the times I said "Child" It was grating my own nerves once I kept going through it XD. Thanks for the reviews and I enjoy the critism ^^ Once I edit I hope you won't mind reading it again if you want.
Soulkana<3
May the gentle moon take you into peaceful dreams. May the mighty sun brighten your new days.



I'll make sure nobody unauthorized runs off with the chamber pot, sir.
— Kaladin (Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson)