Never Back Down

Never Back Down

Even though the odds are against us,
we will not back down.
Against the strogest armies,
Against the fiercest winds,
Before the mightiest oceans,
We will prove ourselves to those who doubt us,
we will not back down.

A/N: First of all, poetry is not my strong point. Especially poetry that doesn't rhyme. So, I apologize if it's really bad, and I understand if you're sitting there thinking 'Wow, that really sucked!'. I just feel like I need to be able to know how write a decent poem, so I've decided to try my hand at poetry. Also, I think I need some help with the format. I'm not sure if I did it right...

Hi there!
Firstly, I like the message your poem sends, so that's a plus. And your format is fine, but your first and last lines are a lot longer than the rest and this interrupts your flow a bit. I'd suggest making all the lines roughly the same length - count the syllables if this helps. You might just want to split the longer lines up over a couple more lines.

Make sure you use spellcheck on your work - ourselfs should be ourselves, so just double check your writing because it shows you took extra care.

And finally, like I said, I like your message. But I want to know more. What are you talking about exactly, who are you talking to, who is "we" and "us", who are the people who doubt you? A little more information required, I think. Apart from that, not a bad job - I didn't sit here and think it really sucked.

I think it's pretty hard to be a bad poet. Poetry, to me, is anything you want it to be, pretty much.
Anyway. To the point!
I'm not sure if I'm the only insane human being on earth who thinks this, but I don't think poetry needs to be clear. I don't think it needs to say everything, and I think poetry is even better when it's a little confusing.
So although a lot of people will say that you need more detail and such, I say,
to heck with that.
Nice job at making a point. Lets me know I'm not the only rebel.
Not shabby at all. Thanks for the read.

Hi Purple! Here to review! ^^

First of all, I just wanted to say that this does not suck. I read poetry by people who write it often that is... worse than this. xD (I hope that didn't sound as mean as I though it did. oo")

This is probably one of your first, if not your very first poem, correct? You did a pretty good job with it, in that case. Of course, there is a lot you can do to improve this, and I'll explain that in two seconds: Right after I say that I agree with Matt on the point that your first and last lines are way long and it disrupts the flow. It's an extremely easy fix, though.

I would just separate the line here:

Even though the odds are against us, we will not back down.
.......
We will prove ourselves to those who doubt us, we will not back down.

Where I highlighted red - if you wanted to separate the lines right there, then that's where I would. You still have the same words, same impact, but it might make it flow together a bit better.

Now, as for the rest:

A huge thing in poetry is imagery - which you have a little bit of here. Show and don't tell. My best advice here would be to use this poem as a skeleton - a basic idea for a larger poem - and then expand on it. Add some imagery, make sure that any images or metaphors/similes that you use are your own - cliches are not a good thing. (In other words, anything that you're used to reading in print - don't put it here. Those comparisons and prhases are overused.) Use that imagery to portray an emotion, or multiple emotions, if you wish. Use what you have here as a foundation and build on that using different words, different phrases and different perspectives. Play around with it a little bit until it becomes something that you like and are proud of.

Poetry can be tricky, but it's also easy after you really get the hang of pouring out what you want to say onto the paper. Word choice and phrasing is what I'd say are the hardest parts, and all you have to do to fix that is play around with it a little bit.

You've got a good poem here, just expand on it a little and don't be afraid to try different things.

Good job and keep writing,
~~Ish.

That was a pretty good try.The formatting is fine, except that the first and last line is a bit longer than the rest. Can I suggest to you to make the first line into two lines like this:

purplepen wrote:Even though the odds are against us,
we will not back down.

The last line could be separated into two lines as well.

Also, the first thing that strike me about the poem was: it was a bit short. I think that you could definitely add more stanzas to it. Expand on it. Tell a story. Tell us more. Tell us what's happening, what's happened to them that made them won't back down.

You have a pretty good beginning so far. You know how to chose concise, powerful words that paints a picture and made an impact. Your poem is pretty good actually. Keep it up.