When I Fell Pregnant [September]

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1st Of September
Julie is now officially Dad and Susan’s kid. This means she has to hold the twins when she asks and I can’t do nothing about it. Good thing they both hate her. Seriously, they must pick up my vibes that I really don’t like her. She held Alfie and he was screaming, when I gave him to David, he started to relax quite happily. Jack was crying too, but I think that was because his nappy needed changing.
“Babies repel you,” I grinned. Dad looked at me with these beady eyes to tell me to shut up.
Julie went to make a comeback, but Susan glared at her to say not to sink to my level. She slouched in her chair and got her phone out.
“What a shit phone. What make is it?” I asked, peering over her shoulder as I grabbed the dog food.
“It’s a Nokia. Dad won’t let me have any other mobile until I’ve worn this one out,” she explained.
“That won’t take long,” I continued. “With your face staring at it all the time.”
“Oh, ha ha…” Julie paused. “At what time are you going to be dropping your twins off at the circus, then?”
“Julie!” Dad gasped. Oh, she did it this time. She can insult me however she likes, but no one EVER says anything horrid about my kids like that.
“You little bitch!” I grabbed her phone and threw it on the floor, the battery flew out and the screen smashed. Julie’s eyes filled with tears.
“That’s the only way I can contact my mum you idiot!” she cried, running outside and slamming the door behind her.
“Jess! I know what she said wasn’t nice, but that is no way of treating someone’s property like,” Dad ranted.
“If she wants to contact her mum then why is she living with you?” I asked, red faced.
“Because her mum is living in Italy with cancer! She couldn’t cope anymore with Julie so she put her up for adoption as her dad died when she was three. Her mum is dying and this is the only way she can keep in touch,” Susan went on. “You must get her a new phone.”
“Whatever,” I replied.

2nd Of September
David told me what I did was bad, but I was sticking up for my children. I totally agree with him, obviously, although I still had to go out and buy a new phone. The good side of it was that it only cost fifteen quid so I didn’t get bankrupt there.
Okay, maybe I do feel a little awful with what I did, but come on, it’s what mothers do in the movies when someone insults their children.

I guess this has proven how much I haven’t changed, and how much I adore my boys.

4th Of September
I missed my appointment yesterday with the doctor for Alfie and Jack to have their injection, so we rescheduled for it to be today. Though, I couldn’t go, because I had the dentist, so David took them.
David told me Alfie was fine, but Jack caused a big fuss and started crying like mad. He’s okay now though.
The dentist failed, I’m usually okay with it, but seeing as I haven’t been apart from the twins since I got pregnant with them, I wasn’t very subtle. I refused to go in because nobody was with me, so this old lady volunteered to come in, although I didn’t want anybody with me. Which is strange.
Then I bit the dentist’s finger and he called it day.
Note to self: never go to the dentist without David or the boys.

5th Of September
Second hottest day in summer. I’m sweating like a pig so Bailey must be roasting. We have about four fans going of around the house, which seems to be working a little.
Catherine came over to visit. She looked pale and upset, looking like she was going to throw up. I asked her what was wrong but she said nothing, and came over to see Alfie and Jack.
“They’re gorgeous,” she said, rocking Jack from side to side.
“They are. I agree,” I smiled, looking concerned. “Catherine-… What’s up?”
“I’ve just came back from…” she paused, staring into space.
“From?” I pushed.
“From… Spain. I went to visit my friend, Elen. She gave birth to a girl last Friday,” she perked up a bit.
“Oh, that’s good. How is she?” I asked, taking Jack and putting him in his Moses basket, along with Alfie.
“She’s… Fine. It’s baby Honey, though. She’s supposed to be born in September. September the fourth. She may not make it. Elen is devastated.”
“What has this got to do with you looking terrible,” A true friend always tells the truth. Good or bad.
“In this bad time, all Elen needs is a friend. But I’ve been less than a friend. I’ve betrayed Elen…” She mumbled.
“What? What have you done?” I pleaded.
“I’ve been having an affair with her husband!” she blurted. My face dropped, even the boys stopped squirming about to listen.
“Oh, Cathy. For how long?”
“Six months.” She lowered her head.
“While she’s been pregnant?!” I’ve never known Elen, but of what Catherine’s been telling me, she seems like a nice woman. I wasn’t, and still, not impressed with Cathy.
“Yes. I know, it’s cruel but I-,” I stopped her.
“Cruel? This is beyond cruel! How could you do this to a friend? I mean, I wouldn’t enjoy it if you had a fling with David while I was pregnant!” I shouted.
“I came here because I thought you would understand. I thought you would tell me it’s going to be okay!”
“But it’s not. She’s just had a premature baby and you’re having an thing with her husband!” I yelled.
“I’m in love with him. We are running away together to have a baby. We have been trying for months but we haven’t been able to do it properly because of us sneaking around.” She explained.
“Jason and I are leaving tomorrow… and another thing… we’re taking Honey with us.”
“Wait… You’re snatching a-,”
“Goodbye, Jessica.”

6th Of September
This is illegal. The bitch is snatching a baby that isn’t even hers. I mean, yeah, she’s with someone who the baby belongs too, but it’s still frowned apon.
Anyway, I can’t fret about something as stupid as this. I have my own family to focus on. Jane is babysitting Jack and Alfie while me and David have a dinner at this really posh restaurant. It’s going to be the first time since the twins were born that we went out for a proper meal.

7th Of September
Last nights dinner was so nice. Classical music played in the background, we drunk wine, ate some kind of chicken that tasted really good and had an amazing cheesecake that was so nice I asked for seconds.
When we went to pick Jack and Alfie up, they were both sound asleep, and looked happy enough.
“Wow, Jane, I never thought you had it in you,” I said, picking Alfie up while David got Jack.
“Well, I was at the top of the class in Baby School, a club that used to be held in the Town Hall on Fridays.” She boasted.
Jane explained that Baby School was where you got to take your children aged newborn to three to this place and the mums get to talk and share baby tips and the babies get to mingle with other babies.
“Is it still on?” David asked, probably sussing out that I am interested.
“Yes, Fridays from five till six pm, I believe.” Jane explained.

10th Of September
David wants another Labrador! He told me last night before I fell asleep he wants a chocolate Labrador, a friend for Bailey.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Dave,” I said. He looked completely serious to me, but maybe it was the fact it was dark.
“No, I’m not being ridiculous. I want another puppy, Bailey will love it.”
“No, he won’t. He’ll possibly eat it alive,” I complained.
“But, I feel our family needs something more. Alfie and Jack have each other, we have each other, but Bailey has no one…” David rolled over to face me.
“No one? He has us, David. We all love him to bits, it’s just too much hassle. I mean, we have one month old twins, a five month old puppy that never seems to tire out and not to forget you,” I sighed.
He puffed. “You’ll change your mind in a week. Trust me.”

12th Of September
That Baby School thingy was fun. The women there were so nice and there was even two eighteen year olds who I talked to. Alfie and Jack were taken to the under six months old nursery and I felt relieved I had some time to talk to somebody without one of the boys needing a nappy change. There were some men too, but they just sat there staring at all the women walking by, and talked about cars and the Xbox or whatever they call it.
When I got home, I went to the fridge to get a sandwich I made but never ate, when I noticed a newspaper ad stuck on saying Chocolate Labradors for sale: six boys, £399 and five girls, £450.
“Fat chance,” I laughed, ripping it off and shoving it in the bin.

15th Of September
David is giving me evils all the time now. He keeps going on about how I should be more loving towards needy animals. New puppies aren’t needy, their owners need to get rid of them. It doesn’t make them needy.
Also, Mum started being nice to me today. She rang up saying she’s coming over later and she’s bringing someone who is upset and needs a good friend to talk to. How could that be?

It was my so called friend Catherine. The one who was planning to run off with her ‘boyfriend’ and his baby. She was crying because before she could run away with them this Jason guy backed out because it turns out Elen has womb cancer, I think that’s what she said.
Well, Mum said she has to stay at ours for a week. This sucks. My mother expects me to be kind and let a friend who planned to steal a baby stay at ours for seven days? For all we know, she could be plotting to steal Alfie and Jack, or maybe even Bailey. Maybe she fancies David. Oh God, I’m going to have to keep a close eye on her.

17th Of September
I think I’m going to die. Seriously. Catherine has been at our place for two days, and she’s already getting on my nerves. She squeezed my ass. MY ASS! And she is so weepy when she holds the twins complaining she’ll be a shit mother. Well, I cannot deny it, but she will. I asked her to boil the kettle up for Jack and Alfie’s feed, and she didn’t plug the kettle in and she started going on about how people should have stuck with the less technical stuff. I want to kill her.
But I won’t.
Even if I really want to.
Because I have a family, and I don’t want to have to talk to them through bars.
Now she’s really getting on my nerves.
“Jess? I can’t find the switch on the shower…” she called from the bathroom.
“It’s a big, shiny knob and you turn it to the temperature you want.” I said, extremely slowly.
“Oh. Thanks,” she replied, about four minutes later.

20th Of September
Thank goodness there is only two more days of Catherine left until she goes to stay with her parents in Kazakhstan. For some reason, she has no money left so she can’t rent her house anymore. I find it highly amusing, but it’s probably because I do have money and a job (which I am thankfully holding onto until I go back in October).
David did overtime as there was three people off work because of the flu. At least he’ll be getting more money, meaning more baby clothes, meaning more shopping.

21st Of September
I decided I’m not going to that Baby School, I found that Kelsey has started taking her niece there, which isn’t promising, as the last time I saw her was when she was incredibly rude.
I don’t even think she’s under three years old.

Alfie hasn’t been very well lately, I think Catherine has been carrying some sort of baby disease. He’s been vomiting a lot and not taking his milk. I took him to the doctors and she gave him an injection, he seemed to perk up after that. I’m sure he’ll be find.
Few! Catherine has gone early because she doesn’t like being around sick people. I didn’t get very offended by this, because she obviously hasn’t got a mirror.

25th Of September
I can’t wait until October, because it’s going to be Halloween. I noticed some shops have already started putting stuff out for the season, but who cares? There are these adorable pumpkin suits for babies, which is something I would love to see on Alfie and Jack. They would look so sweet in them. I can picture them now. Hehe.
David wants to go to the pub with his mates today, as it’s the end of September nearly and every time they always go out in the end of September to celebrate. Which is really weird. They’re doing it today because one guys wife is expecting her baby on the last day of the month and another guy is having a wedding, which me and David are invited to. Yippee.
Speaking of weddings, our engagement party was cancelled because we just couldn’t juggle the organisation so soon because of the twins. It will be on the fourth of October. Our wedding is still on the date set. We have already booked the venue and the transport. Just the flowers, my dress, the bridesmaids dresses (who are going to be Miranda, Bex and Carly), food, the reception and the… Just a lot of stuff, okay?

29th Of September
How the wedding was fun. During the ceremony, Alfie puked up so I had to traipse to the toilets, taking Jack with me as he had a poo poo. Then, Alfie peed all over me, so I had to borrow David’s jacket because I smelt of baby pee, so eventually we had to go home.
David is still banging on about another puppy. He will not let it go, and to be honest, I think I’m falling in his trap. Maybe Bailey needs someone to help calm him down. Like a cute, chocolate puppy who will look so cute next to Bailey.
Damn it!
Nobody is more obsessed with Jedward than I am...
- bugbug368




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Hey hi!

I haven't read the other chapters here, but this intrigued me, so I figured I'd have a go at it. I won't comment on the story too much, just stick to what's presented here.

I think it's YWS formatting stuff, but there are these enormous walls of text throughout the chapter. I can see where the paragraphs are supposed to start, but since they are all squashed together, it is kind of hard to read. Breaking them up would make this much easier on your readers' eyes.

The dialogue throughout felt kind of info-dumpy. An example:
“Well, I was at the top of the class in Baby School, a club that used to be held in the Town Hall on Fridays.”


This is a lot of information that no one really gives in dialogue right off the bat like that. I mean, if you really wanted to get this information across in dialogue, it could go something like this:

"Well, I was at the top of the class in Baby School."

"Baby School?"

"Yeah, it was a club that used to meet at the Town Hall on Friday Nights."

Here, there is a little more prompting and it makes a bit more sense for all that information to come out. Info-dumps come across as unnatural. People don't explain a whole situation right away in perfect English in a conversation. There are starts and stops, they withhold information, are prompted to respond, etc. etc. The dialogue just feels a bit too much like a vehicle to explain plots points and character backgrounds. Sure, you can use dialogue for that, but the information should come out in the interaction, rather than just conveniently placed in a character's mouth.

Also, I noticed a few places where your dialogue tags (he said, she said, etc.) were a bit inconsistent. The basic rule is that when a dialogue tag ("he said") follows a line of dialogue, that dialogue ends with a comma (or question mark, exclamation point, etc) and the dialogue tag begins lowercase (except for "I" obviously). If a line of dialogue is followed by an action, the dialogue ends in a period and the action begins uppercase. For example:

"I don't understand you," he said (<-- dialogue tag), his eyes rolling back into his head.

"Yeah, well, I don't understand you either!" She didn't flounce off (<-- action), just collapsed onto the sofa next to him.

For the most part, this holds true in your writing, but there are times it flip-flops, like you weren't quite sure how it should go.

This is illegal. The bitch is snatching a baby that isn'even hers. I mean, yeah, she'with someone who the baby belongs too, but it's still frowned apon.
Anyway, I can't fret about something as stupid as this.

Erm, I know I wasn't going to comment about the story too much, but really? I mean, the character starts out sort of ranting against the illegalness of this, then she totally downplays it as being "frowned upon" and then she's saying that it's "stupid" as in petty and not worth her concern? I mean, this is kidnapping, even if one of the parents is invovled. Parents can kidnap their own kids. And this is really illegal stuff! And she's not going to do anything about it? She's not going to tell anyone else, like the police, or anything? She would just let this happen? My sympathy levels for the character went down very waaaaay much.

The idea behind this story intrigues me and I will probably go back and read the other chapters you have posted. But the character's fairly callous treatment of everyone not David or her kids is rather grating and distancing. I don't really feel any sympathy towards her, which is bad since she's telling the story. I do like her voice in the narration for the most part, that sort of self-righteous conviction, but I don't really care for her as a character. But then, as I said, I haven't read the other chapters. The baby-napping thing really does stand out for me as a major red flag that this person is not a nice person.

Peace out!
~GryphonFledgling
I am reminded of the babe by you.




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Hey BugBug! I love this addition to the story. I hope you write more!

-Titan
-Titan4ever
"A day without sunshine is like, well, night."



Stupid risks make life worth living.
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