Stigma Of Love

Stigma of Love
Dear world,
The letter I start today, Is about my brother. I share this information with you because he's now dead. His blood is across the keys. The red stains fill the inner chambers of the board. The smell fills the room slowly but does not linger enough for any one to take notice. The date is February 14th, 2011. Love is in the air, suspicion lurks in every crevice. The room is filled with empty drawers, one word is written all over the walls. "Why."
Red, that’s the only expression that fills my mind. The brotherly bond we had, broken with a treacherous act, and one color. Red. I spent countless hours, trying to put back the pieces of all the time that had fallen between us. Our lives would always be forever empty. Space and time were the greatest of our foes. He lived so close but yet, a simple phone call was to much trouble. Mother always said " Try to communicate, your lives wouldn't be so miserable." That advice was our golden ticket, too bad I never won.
I finally gathered the courage to stand up and leave his apartment. His body still laid on the foot of the desk. I looked at his face, as I was walking by, I noticed the purity he had still left in him. That’s one thing he was always excellent at, was being the good one. Everything he did, showed some form of innocence. The “goody, goody” I always called him. Laughter, joy, happiness; these words described his character. A slight smirk, ran across my face, as I reminisced. I left.
The air outside was chilly, sharp enough to pierce the skin. Breeze hit the pale faces of people walking past. If they only knew, that death was among us. I lost the only family I had. The young, sweet brother that carried our bloodline. My heart swelled with emotion. Tears filled my eyes. I held it all in, knowing that showing any sign of emotion would weaken me. I’ve never lost anything in life before. Winning was the highlight of my life. Every competition I won. I had finally lost one battle. Family. The hardest challenge ever imaginable. I walked back inside to continue this letter.
You might start to wonder, when am I going to get off the keyboard and call the cops. I wont. This letter will be finished when all my blood has joined his. The very thought of being alone in this world, turns my bowels into ice. I keep pressing on these keys, so that his blood covers my hands. Red, is the only color I will ever comprehend. It understands my level of pain. The intensity of closure with this situation. The malevolent definition of betrayal. Why the pain, stabs every thought in my mind. Why I can feel the agony a bullet brings. Why the quick movement of a finger, can determine the rest of someone’s life. “Why?”
I see this word over and over again. The tip top to the very bottom of all the walls, runs the word “why?” I wrote these words. I felt this pain. I am the soul less reason why my brother lays dead at my feet. His life will remember no such thing, but I will. I killed him. I took his innocence, with shear cold of metal. His heart will never pump again. His mind will never think again. I think he never deserved it. That bullet should have never pierced his skin. He was so young. He was so red. Red explained why. It expressed the robbery I committed. I stole his soul with one bullet. Red meant treachery.
I betrayed the existence of animation to fill his veins. He will never know what red means. Red explains the betrayal of the communication between us. It built enough pressure around our lives, to provoke his murder. I killed my brother. I killed my brother. I killed my brother. Why! He meant so much to me, I adored his perseverance to do good in this world. I envied his motivation. I lacked the secret to happiness. He had it. I wanted it. My jealousy got the best of me. I came here to his apartment enraged. Started an argument, to fuel my need. Lashed out, and shot. Three seconds was all it took to end it all. His body hit the desk, blood splattered in all directions. I moved his body away from the computer in order to write this letter. The blood was already flowing past the “r” key and deeper within the keyboard. I closed his eyes with my hands.
There I admitted the horrific act I committed. I have past the first step to recovery, denial. I accept the death of my brother. I understand my consequences. I will end up in the same state as my brother, dead. I have finished my description of what happened. Now to explain what will happen.
After I finish this letter. I will end my life. I know its bit selfish but no, I need to do this. My purpose in life is complete. We shall die the same. Metal will pierce my skin, and release a plethora of blood, draining the life within me. Thank You.

This was very dramatic, and had a good plot but it wasn't very well written. I saw a lot of grammar problems. And the sentance wording made it feel like they were forced, you may want to work on that. Good job.

Beautifully written. Though there was a part were I got confused. Try making your writing clearer. Btw, I loved seeing how mixed up the narrator was.

This is very good. I like the form of it being a letter, and the plot idea is awesome and fascinating. However, there were quite a few spelling/grammatical errors, particularly the latter. For example, I noticed your use of commas can be a little bit over the top. You'll write a sentence like this:

Whenever the door closed, I felt a shudder, run through me, like blood, running through veins. (just a random example I thought of)

Now read that sentence. Do you notice that, with each comma, a pause occurs when you read? There are too many pauses there, and a lot of your sentences are like that. Try looking at each sentence with more than one comma and reading it aloud, seeing if it sounds the way you mean it to. The sentence I wrote above should look something like this:

Whenever the door closed, I felt a shudder run through me, like blood running through veins.

Do you see how that flows a lot better? The use of commas is an excellent tool when writing - it adds suspense, detail - but just make sure you limit it to use only when necessary. (:

I noticed a couple small spelling errors here and there, but you can probably fix those. Just one more nitpick! I noticed that you chopped certain sentences into multiple sentences when they really should've just been one. Here's an example:

Isaac34 wrote: I had finally lost one battle. Family. The hardest challenge ever imaginable.

This is a great line! I really like how you made this a battle scenario, a challenge that your main character had lost for once. However, I'd write it a bit differently. Perhaps something like this would be better:

I had finally lost one battle: family, the hardest challenge ever imaginable.

Overall, the writing was great. I like your style and this is a great beginning to a possible story. Just clean it up a bit and it'll be just right!