Fantastic job! I did a super gasp when I came to then ending. It's so sad that thing like this do happen in the real world. It reminds me of a quote i read once...for every humans life you take away, it's your loved ones who have to pay. (yes it was a horror novel lol.) very moving! I loved it!

MY GOODNESS, very powerful. The person in front of me obviously can't gage emotion. Very Hemingway-esque, which is something I'm seeing alot of on this sight....

emotionally powerful, I like the detatchment of the narrator, as if nothing matters.

I'm anti-abotion, but that's not why I liked this story, it is very good.

There are a good many grammar points that others have already touched on that I'm sure you'll catch just by re-reading closely...very good.

This piece was interesting, but it wasn't spectacular. You were brave to write about something as controversial as abortion, but I don't think you gave it all the emotion it deserved. It felt like you were preaching to me instead of helping me understand the pain that goes along with rape and abortion. I personally don't like abortion, but I don't think anyone should tell a woman she must give birth to a child she does not want, and certainly not that any child she conceives afterward will be killed by God as penance. I believe a mother's needs should be put above her unborn fetus's. Can you imagine if she had given birth to the child and put it up for adoption and then the child later finds out that it was conceived from rape? I think using rape as the reason for abortion was not a good idea for a piece that is anti-abortion.

I've never read anything so real,simple wording but such deep(im talking,abyss deep)meaning,if i could i'd go after Michael in the the afer life and whoop his ass and then take him to jerry springer and do it again (legally).Impeccable writing i didn't notice any errors by the way.(Essence over flaws)

Well this was a good peice. I loved the way you ended it. the whole baby dying thing was a good twist, but the last line was perfect I think.
Always- Writer

OMG!!! I finally read the story and I'm crying as I write this and I can totally relate. I was raped too myself, but luckily i never got pregnant behind it. This was a very touching story. I'm glad I actually sat down to read it all. Keep Writing!!

You seemed to have skipped developing a realistic story and strong characters, and gone straight to preaching to us instead. It's obvious the whole purpose of this story was to give us your anti-abortion message. I don't have a problem with this message if it's what you truly believe in, but there's no reason to sacrifice good writing.

The story was all tell and no show. I didn't get a sense of the characters' personalities at all. It would have been better to explain her emotions and explore her story-it doesn't seem that she feels sorry for the abortion until her child's death in a car crash, at which time she makes a huge leap of logic and decides the two actions are connected. And because I don't know anything about her personality, I don't pity her at all. And because I don't pity her, it doesn't influence my beliefs about abortion.

The biggest problem I have with this is that you seem to have no understanding of incredibly controversial and emotional subjects. Your explanation of the rape and it's aftermath is basically 'and then I got raped.' She fell in love at thirteen. She fell in love at thirteen with someone who raped her. Her father killed someone. Her father killed the person who raped her. Her father went to jail for killing the person who raped her. None of this seems to affect her.

I guess I'm saying a story like this should be moving, but it wasn't.

I think the story and the message you tried getting through was pretty clear. Lots of reviewers before me had already mentioned that. I understood the plot and the theme although some of the parts ( giving birth to the baby, the crash, the murder of Michael, etc...) were disjointed and not fully developed. Although this crucial moments of the story were not detailed or full of any emotions, the whole thing was powerful and gut-wrenching. Think what you could have achieved if you had expanded more of the emotional parts. A masterpiece? A great story? To me, this was good but not the best. I felt the story is crying out to be expanded and full fledged. It was just to short and no emotions for the reader to feel.

Your writing style was a bit boring I have to say. (Please forgive me==) You kept telling us instead of showing us WHAT was happening. I learned this lesson the hard way. I hoped that you'll keep getting better at showing us and not telling. Just like what Sargsauce said, don't tell. SHOW. It will be bland and dull if you keep telling people the story as a matter-of-fact kind of way. You need to give them hints and clues to what the characters felt or will do. It will make your story more interesting and gripping. This will be kinda hard than telling the story like a robot but it will make you a wonderful writer for all to adore.

I loved the concept of the moral lessons and theme. I'm also against abortion. Wonderful and please continue writing. I'll follow you here, don't disappoint me!

P.S. I tend to review the weakspots of your story than the strengths. Because I believe most people know what they're good at. People will only know and notice their weaknesses only if you tell them. So, forgive me if I'm too harsh. Cheers!^^

I think the concept of the story is great and I really like the part about Elliot. But there are a few aspects that I'm not absolutely sold on. One would be that it sounds too much like a story. There isn't enough emotion in it, not enough to sell the reader completely. You're writing is good, but its just a fraction away from being great and to reach that you must have emotion. Readers don't want to be told something, they want to experience it, roll in it. Especially at the part about the father's reaction. I know that if it were my dad.... he'd have the most somber look in his eyes, he'd have no idea what to do or say... he'd be angry and sad and grief stricken. You need to put yourself inside the story even more. Bring out emotions that you yourself might be afraid to feel. It is truly a great story and I love love love the concept, just give it a little bit more. I do hope that you don't take this as harsh criticism, hopefully it's constructive

Amazing, also moving. I loved it. It was all-out beautiful. Everything was so simple, it hooked me. I read it in just over a minute, I'm guessing. You did a fantastic job! I'm gonna read as much from you as I can.

Wow...this was just amazing ! I could feel the girl's pain. Everything she went through. I loved the way you let the reader feel the emotion of the characters in the story. It would have been good with some more details, if not, perfect story. Truly interesting, It made me wanna keep reading till the end.

This was one of the most moving and strongest pieces I have read in a long time. I'm not really going to review in though because I can see so many others have nick picked it already. The longer it went on, the more intense this story became. It sent chills throughout my body and the ending was just so heartbreaking. You did such a wonderful job and I must say your piece is one of my personal favorites now. :] When it comes to abortion though, I see both sides of the story. Something I usually do on a larger subject. I see the good and bad in everything, so I become a neutralized. It happens to me often in school. Abortion, yes, is bad on a larger scale. it harms a woman physically and mental like you have told in your short story. But it, you also gave a point why it helps. It's not the child's fault for the rape or unwanted pregnancy, but somethings aren't meant to be. Sometimes you have to know your limits and a child can through things off balance. I'm sorry to say but if I were raped and became pregnant, I would choose to abort the child in fear that I might not love him/her as much and the he/she would remind me daily of what happened to me, even though I would remember trauma like that for the rest of my life. It would become a more mentally hurtful part of my life that I couldn't push away. It seems horrible I know, but that is how I see it. But we never know till it happens and knock on wood that it never does!

wow this is really good! I enjoyed it it was very interesting.