Wow. This is so good! It was really sad and powerful. There was just so many things that were happening. I could really sympathize with the girl. Amazing story, I love it! <3

This is a REALLY good story, there isn't much to improve that other people have not already pointed out. (: So good job!
-pghpenguins

Hello, I'm Jojo and I shall be your reviewer for today!
*bites*

20th "Like"...

My dad found Michal on his second day of searching. I’m still not sure how my dad managed to track Michal down. He’d never heard of him before. He didn’t even know what he looked like. I guess nothing can stand in the way of an enraged father. Anyway, as soon as my dad found Michal he shot him right between the eyes. The trial didn’t take long. Apparently, the judge had two or three daughters of his own. I guess he took pity on my dad. Maybe he felt like he would’ve done the same thing in my dad’s shoes. He gave my dad the minimum sentence. Twelve years in prison with no chance of parole until the eighth year.

About a week or two after I was raped, I decided to take a pregnancy test, just to be safe. It came back positive. As you can probably imagine, I was terrified. I was only thirteen. I didn’t know how to take care of a baby. I had my whole life ahead of me. I had a bright and shining future to look forward to. I didn’t want some unwanted baby to come in and ruin that. Besides, I knew I wouldn’t have been a good mother to that child. That baby wasn’t conceived out of love. It was conceived by a cruel and hateful act, and I knew I would never be able to look at it without hating it. I knew I couldn’t love it like a mother should love her child.

Overall:
I love the message. I hate abortion- and according to my research ( and other extensive studies), less than 5% of rapes actually end in pregnancy, and those who were pregnant as a result of rape feel insulted when pro-choice people use rape as an excuse to argue in favor of abortion.
It's just wrong.
So you rock for that one.

Now.. on to you story....
I love the idea you have here, and I love the sequence of events- but I feel no emotion whatsoever.
You jump into events too fast.

As you can see *points* I bolded a few of the areas that I think you could add a lot more emotion to.
This is an emotional story, rihgt? So let's add more detail and make a few people cry!

Not the rape. I really don't care to know too much about the rape- and I find it very respectful that you didn't add detail there ( thank you). But other things-
Like..
- Her Dad's trail
-The feeling during and after the abortion
- Her emotion when her pregnancy test came out positive
- Her "infatuation" at the beginning of the story.


All of those things could be expanded upon MUCH more. Let us cry, let us be angry. Let us feel.


Other than that, good job!
Keep writing!
--------------------

-Jojo

This had me in tears at the end. It was such a powerful story and something I really agree with.
You are an amazing writer.

Heyo Purple,

I'm moved by this not only because I've dated many girls who have been raped, but also because I'm the father of a brand-new little girl, and my wife and I have previously considered abortion; thank God it was not necessary. I usually try to focus on technical aspects of prose to the exclusion of everything else, but the rawness of this and the topic jars me. And many parts are quite well-written.

The point I'd make though before anything else is that you should forget about penance. You made the decisions you made... and maybe having an infant son pass away IS a lesson, but don't assume that you are being punished for aborting a child who was sent into your live violently and against your will.

And let's say the lesson is equanimity... meaning something like "each person is born with his own predispositions and temperaments, and if I was born that person, I would act and do exactly as that person does." I think that's the lesson your experiences with the two infants is driving at. HOWEVER....

You are, just like the truck is, an instrument of God's will. If you rightly felt violated when you were raped, then a child born of that rape is easy to understand as further violation. Ultimately you never chose to have a baby, and what's more, that boy who raped you never had to carry and deliver that aborted child. Hence it would have been pure unfairness if you had delivered that child... and I think you made the right choice.

If you'd like me to send you a technical commentary on some of your first paragraphs, I can... But, I think the important issue is jusictice... and you never asked for that child... The culpability for the aborted child's death (if you want to call it a death, and perhaps you do) lies not with you, but with the boy who raped you.

Anyway, harrowing words, Purple...

I must say, I'm absolutely stunned. If I'm not crying now, I'm sure I will my second read through. This, was one powerful impact of a story. A truth, that lies in so many girls out there, it's even more of a heart brake to know it's not just happening to one, but thousands. Perhaps even millions of young girls in the world. The very images that came to mind while reading this, were far too much to conceive for me. I suppose it may be that I myself am in a relationship with a girl younger than myself, my being 18 and her 14. But we just yesterday celebrated our first year anniversary. I couldn't live with myself had i ever laid a finger on her with such foul intentions. But reading this, it made me imagine.. What if my Alexis.. ended up like Catherine? What if I weren't so lucky, and I wasn't the one with her? If she were with a "Michael"? I couldn't bear with myself.

This young girl, lost two children, a father, likely the respect of even her mother. And her innocence. Eliot, was a miracle that was born almost as a sacrifice for a mistake made in pure ignorant youth. To feel that loss settle in only so long after his birth, is something so hard to imagine for us. The power of something so common in daily life, shows us all how serious life can be for girls and women of this age. Most men look at women with nothing but lust and sick twisted intent.. It's things like that that make people realize. Stories like these.. that make us all remember just what's out there. Thank you, for re-enlightening all of your readers of the reality that people endure out there. This is one very well done written piece.

Damn!!! I only read the ending because I am short on time but now i'm really going to have to go read the rest of it. Great job!!! Wow!! I can't really nitpick right now but i will. and just a little side note: No one is actual for aborition. It is pro-life and pro-choice. Pro-lifers, well they believe it is the right of the baby to live regardless of how they came to be. and pro-choicers they believe it is the right of the woman to choose to birth a child or not, because it is the woman's body. Basically. Thats the rough and to the point explination. Other than that, great job. Keep writing!!

Hey Purple! I'm only reviewing this because I feel strongly about the subject. Otherwise, I am currently working on a persuasive essay and probably shouldn't be on the Interwebs at all.

Anyways.

I'm going to start out by applauding your idea to write a story anti-abortion. But, as others have said before me, the anti-abortion feelings in this story aren't exactly prominent.

Here are some things I'd like to mention:

I'm confused by how she isn't scarred for life by the rape. It was apparently a violent rape (not like "Ah, you just punched me in the face!" but more forceful). He overtook her. He stole her virginity. And I've heard (I don't actually know for myself...) that sex hurts the first time, and probably a few times after that. I would assume it would hurt especially at such a young age because she's not completely developed. There are other reasons for why she should be traumatized, why she should be cringing away from boys for years after, possibly self-harming, but I'd like to leave that to your imagination.

Consider the different forms of abortion, and what actually happens at abortion clinics. If you don't know about them, I don't know how reliable Google is, but I'd gladly PM you about them. How can a thirteen year old girl NOT be scarred for life by experiencing that?

I don't know the exact statistics, but I know that abortion can make you infertile, and it also increases the chances of complications for future children. There is a higher chance of having a physically or mentally handicapped child after having an abortion. I think one of these consequences would be a more realistic "punishment" than getting hit by a truck on the way home from the hospital.

Not enough feelings. Blah blah blah. Need more feelings. Yada yada yada. Things other people already said. Fufufu.

I hope I got you thinking, and I hope you consider making changes to make this piece more heart-wrenching. It really has potential. Good job thus far, and keep writing! That is all. Feel free to PM if you have any questions or feel like chewing me out.

Wow, This is one of the most powerful things i have read in a long while. I was truly moved, great job!

Wow. This piece was beautiful. It was very moving and emotional. The description in here was great, the emotion right there, just everything. Wow. I'm in shock. You're piece really got me thinking. Honestly, I don't know what my opinion on abortion is now. This was great.

You can't see me but my mouth is hanging open in shock. That was amazing. *LIKES*

First off, congrats on successfully writing about an extremely touchy subject, and doing it without being crude. Personally, while I don't condone using abortion as a form of birth control, I do think it can be beneficial to rape victims and women who cannot successfully carry a fetus to term without endangering their lives. Also, I feel like you are saying that if a woman gets an abortion, she's going to pay for it later in life by losing a living child, which is preposterous. Your character obviously felt that she was now paying for her abortion, but i think maybe with different phrasing and a little more detail about her emotions, it would come off that way instead of sounding preachy. Also, how did she get home after being left in gutter? usually rape victims don't tell anyone, and it can cause a lot of emotional turmoil that I didn't see in the story. So, overall, great story, but just needs a little more attention to detail.

I was going to point out a few minor errors, but it looks like some people took care of that for me.

But I have a comment. And people might not like it so much.

When a person is raped, they feel disgusted with themselves for allowing the event to happen. They blame themselves. They completely lose themselves. I've met a couple of victims myself, and know that this story is completely unrealistic. Very creative, very captivating, but wrong. If you're going to write a story about a young girl, thirteen, who's lost everything, including her innocence, you need to be accurate with her emotions. All you're talking about, mainly, is what's going on around her, the external. The internal turmoil she's (supposed to) feel doesn't even exist. Not really.

You have a basis for an AMAZING story. But, honestly, if you're going to get into a topic like this- abortion, rape (of a minor)- you need to do a little research.

~Panda;;

Wow this story was just amazing. Enjoyed it completely! Has immense potential! The story line was great, and the climax, GREAT! I can see this as an unbelievable novel with the right effort. you could simply start this by just adding to every main detail, and just keep expanding. trust me within months you'll have chapters down! Try it.

If you're going to write a story that involves subjects that are so incredibly emotional for so many people, I feel you have to have a strong understanding of what you're writing about. What came across to me reading this is that that simply isn't the case.

To write about a child dying in 'penance' for the fact that another child has been aborted by the same mother - that message is seriously horrifying. Like, truly. It's not moving, it's not emotive in the sense I believe you were aiming for - it's just absurdly cruel. Any mother who believed that her abortion resulted in the untimely death of her child would be someone who needed immediate psychiatric help.

Furthermore, I do think that people should write about things they have a true understanding of, and to write with more than just a belief that what they write about is 'right'. I found a lot of this story to be under explored and biased. Her rape, the murder of the boy she loved by her own father (whether or not she hated him after her rape, I think to pass so blithely over his murder is to completely misunderstand and underestimate the breadth of emotion implicit in such an event) - those are both stories in themselves. This felt more like a piece of poorly written and hugely uninformative anti-abortion propaganda then a real exploration of an extremely young girl's rape and her choice to undergo an abortion.

These are serious topics that deserve and demand attention. But that attention is not given here. I suggest you scrap this and write about what you feel, not what you think is the right way for others to feel.