What If It's Fate?

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* I haven't been writing poems in awhile, so this may need a lot of criticism *winks* i am very much thirsty for reviews! Sorry if the rhythm seem's a little off at first, but read it a few times and I'm sure the pains I took to attain a 9-syllable scheme should pay off :)) I might need a lot of help fixing punctuations! Thanks ;)

What If It's Fate?

Failed romances can end really well,
a wake from the blind, a broken spell.
In words ensconced with some love and hate,
a string of what ifs mourns a missed fate.

Wrote letters and poems, songs and prose,
I yield my soul like a wilted rose.
Produced some good lines, so curt and bitter,
with parched lust, I curse like a sinner.

Sheets of torn paper, blots of black ink;
my dear, it’s empty – phrases don’t sink.
Nothing else is scribbled but your name,
as I scream for thoughts and write in vain.

I’ve cried all I had, sang out my soul,
This story deserves a parchment’s roll –
Yet I can't just mutter such weakness,
Words can’t describe a pulse that ceases.

Failed romances end quite so well, but –
is this end, when I’m still in your spell?
Most often I declare it too late.
But then I question – What if it’s fate?

What if it’s fate?




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Truly marvelous this poem..made me sad to read, but I could feel the emotion put into it and I am glad I found it when I did. Amazing job truly. Good Luck and Happy Writing!!!!!
Soulkana<3
May the gentle moon take you into peaceful dreams. May the mighty sun brighten your new days.




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You did a great job on the poem! I love the 9 syllabal pattern. Great job. I didn't see any grammar errors but I'm not an expert! Nothing wrong stood out. I love the descriptions too!
90% of writing is re-writing!




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Thanks :)
"Love is the black of cliches" ~bailecielo'09~




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This is not only very well written but it is also a magnificent poem. You stay on topic, it makes sense, and I truly love the line “In words ensconced with some love and hate, a string of what ifs mourns a missed fate.” Other than going on for god knows how long complimenting you, I am just going to give you my one titbit of advice, I would revise the sentence “Produced some good lines...” I just, I think it’s a bit choppy, but other than that great job. Keep up the good writing! :D
When nothing goes right, go left



You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into… the Twilight Zone.
— Rod Serling