I Felt The Waves

I felt the waves
As they rippled through my body
As they made me shiver
As they made tiny
Goose bumps appear
On my skin

So i threw my head back
And let the current flow

I felt the waves
Of love overcome me
Washing me,
Drowning me
Making me so restless
Making me feel dreamy

So all i did all day
Was think about you

I felt the waves
Overpowering me
Though i tried to fight back
A useless enemy i was
Cause they did force into me
And took over my heart

And now as i dream about you
I feel sadness overcome me

I felt the waves
Ravaging everything they crossed
Destroying every single guard
I had positioned around my mind
So that memories of you and me wouldn't enter
So that i wouldn't be tormented by your face

But now it's all useless
For me you unknowingly possess

I felt the waves
As they made my heart bleed harder
So much for love
As they slowly untied clots in front of my heart
That i had purposely formed
To block away evrything
Reminding me of you

But now i keep hearing
Every single words you spoke to me

I felt the waves
Slowly taking away the bricks
Of that wall
I so carefully built
Layer upon layer
Thinking they would block you away forever

But still i can feel you
Still i can hear you

I felt the waves
Blinding my eyes
With your image
Anywhere i turned
Everywhere i looked
It was only you i saw

I even memorized your smile
Even breathed i your scent

I felt the waves
Dig a little hole
In my heart
Ofcourse the pain was immense
And i prayed that those waves would stop
But every single day,
They were there, digging.

So i let my tears stream
I let hoplessness caress me

I felt the waves
Slowly removing
All the common sense i'd stored
The only thing that always reminded me
Why i should forget him
Why he should be my past
And never my present

But still i dreamed on
Though i knew there was no point

I felt the waves
As they now lived in my body
Having changed everything
Having opened my heart,
They just settled there
Having crashed into all my defences
They removed all those things
I had put around my mind
And slowly they inserted
Memories, scents, pictures...and schizophrenia
But schizophrenia of only one voice...
Yours.

Now i knew.
Not only had they won the battle,
But they had owned the victory
From the very beginning...

I was lost,
I was dazed.

Hey!
It was nice reading it though i see the problem is that it was way to long with no motion in the happenings.. You've added a lot of sense to it and made it seem tough. I feel like there were too many emotions and i liked the perspective. Do real well and even if it's long try to stir the things that are happening.

Hi Doxie00!

So, you have a nice poem here. I liked the metaphor you used with the waves and love. Although, I think it's a bit repetitive going on about how the waves took over you. You don't need about five stanzas, so maybe you could cut some out or shorten it to about... two stanzas. So that it doesn't get too repeptitive and boring.
Also, you need to capitalise your 'I's. I noticed that there were a few of them that need capitalisation.
Other than the poem being a bit too long, I quite liked it.

Hi Doxie! Here to review! ^^

First of all - I'm going to say that as a general rule, I'm unsure of this poem. There were some things I liked, which is what I'll start off with.

Usually, love poems are all exactly the same, and nobody uses imagery or their own feelings/fears to make it their own. It's just another love poem that could apply to anyone or anything, really. However, this one held something different in it. It used comparison, it used metaphor and the end used things that I actually quite liked. They used elements that made it personal to you - you could honestly sense the emotions behind the poem. That is all good - good imagery, good metaphor and good emotion.

However, the metaphor is somewhat cliche. The whole wave thing is overused. And again, I'm going to point out something that I liked in this poem - you used a cliche metaphor and you dipped it into a big jar of your own style. In otherwords, you made it somewhat unique - you made it your own. That's good.

What I didn't like, however, was that it really seemed to drag on and repeat itself in parts. There were areas that you could probably take out altogether, because you've mentioned something extremely similar or almost exactly the same already. Long poems are good things and all, but when there are areas that seem to drag, you should look at toning it down a little bit.

Another thing that I think I might as well point out is your lack of punctuation and capitalization. Yes, even poems need punctuation. There's a couple of articles about it right here:

topic53524.html

(The article definitely isn't mine - I'm not smart enough to think of all that. xD There are other articles that are similar in the Poetry Tutorials forum under Community > Knowledge Base if you wanted to take a look at them.)

Another thing, while we're on that subject, is the fact that you didn't capitalize all of your 'i's'. For example:

So i threw my head back
And let the current flow

and:

And now as i dream about you
I feel sadness overcome me

It may be poetry, but you still have to capitalize those I's.

So, in a nutshell - I did like this poem for the most part, but it could still use some touching up.

Good job and keep writing,
~~Ish.