Quantum Coffee

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I dream what we’ll go out for coffee sometime
Licking cups, licking lips
You may be older, but I’m
Mature – I am star figurine of middle school
I barely know you but I’ll say that
We can marvel any day over
Words like “I” and “you”
Things half-though through by city lights
Sponge-cake a couple of wines with me
And maybe you’ll steal away my virginity
As my friends always said a guy like you would

I said you looked rather picturesque
You laugh while I sigh because, yes –
I’m a poet and you can still
Ramble off quantum psychics through
Sheaves of hair twice the length of mine
As we rant, trying to tick off time
Just to excuse to spend the more of it with you
We’ll feed the poor and dance in the rain
But that’s just me –
I give you formulated wild life
While you give me the puzzle pieces
To slam together for you

We wear all black and you say I’m a
Hater, a hippie – a gothic middle-aged smile
And I’ll brush your hair and say you’re mine
But you are older and I am trying still to figure
Out exactly where I belong,
Where I stand –
He speaks Spanish, but you
Are quantum coffee
Make me stumble or speak easy Fridays
Still, I’m falling school girl head over heals
In love with you –

Like a fly in spider webs,
The billows of your trench coat
Has caught me once again
And in this blackness
I settle with the warmth
That you may take me to that café
On the corner of nowhere and dreamscape
For a cup of New Jersey’s afternoon
Still dreary in my fantasies tonight

I’ll love you when you still know my name
Carpe Diem.




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i'm sorry i forgot punctuation again! :cry:
Carpe Diem.




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Lol, I was going to mention lack of commas.. :wink:

I dream what we’ll go out for coffee sometime


^ Isn't 'what' supposed to be 'that'? That could just be a typo.

I barely know you but I’ll say that
We can marvel any day over
Words like “I” and “you”


^ This is probs my favourite part...

Sponge-cake a couple of wines with me
And maybe you’ll steal away my virginity


^ I'm not sure.. I think the rhythm sounds a bit odd here... and the rhyming too.

The billows of your trench coat
Has caught me once again


^ I think that should be 'have' and not 'has'

Overall, I like this poem a lot, and I never would have believed someone only 14 could write this well. Not to stereotype or anything, but most people my age that I know couldn't write anything like this. Neither could I, for that matter... Keep it up and keep posting! :P


~KayJuran~




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=P~ humm coffee oh yeah nice poem i don't tend to read the long poems but now you just confinced me i perticualy liked this bit I settle with the warmth
That you may take me to that café very cool 8)




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Ramble off quantum psychics through


QUANTUM PHYSICS! NOT PSYCHICS!

One is the description of how things work, another is a group of old ladies who hand out lotto numbers.
Moderator Emeritus (frozen in carbonite.)




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haha sorry - that's what spellcheck will do to you, Griffinkeeper. thanks.
Carpe Diem.




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Another beautiful poem! I can't even significantly comment on it because it's soooo good. I hate just slathering comments on people, so I'll try to think of omething to criticize. Hm.

Okay, change this: "Still, I’m falling school girl head over heals
In love with you – "

Don't know how, but I felt as though I needed to nitpick something. ;)

Many European-style Non-American-fetishized cheek kisses!
-Brian




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*twitches*

Will you PLEASE just publish a book already so I can BUY it Gum?!
HUH?! PUBLISH SOMETHING ALREADY!

*Spreak the word of Gum*
*Bows down to Gum*
*Chews bubble gum*
Yum



Ogres are like onions.
— Shrek