vocal artillery (en español)

This is part of a poem I am writing for a friend (her birthday present actually), and I was wondering, for all who speak spanish out there (or not) if this is any good, also if it flows right. Ciao, CL.

vocal artillery.
cumbia para todo se fue detrás.
cumbia, cumbia.
¡cigarra, dichosa tú! de que usted morirá
de un corazón sofocado – azul.
miré al sol, helios está
parpadeando.

cumbia, cumbia - para todo que
murió.

cavidades secados del polvo, pozos
negros del pulmón.

abierta y verde esta
la fruta d’oro –

todo lo que tenemos que gritar.

wow. i popped this in the translator and it was beautiful. then i stopped bothered my boyfriend (he speaks spanish well) and had him read it to me. all in all, i put so much word into critiquing this and now have nothing to say. it's beautiful. but neither the translator nor my boyfriend knew what "cumbia" meant, so that sort of distracted from the meaning of the poem. it flows wonderfully.

de un corazón sofocado – azul.
miré al sol, helios está
parpadeando.

beautiful images. that was my favorite part.

thank you dear! I should have put this up - Cumbia, is a form of dance from Columbia. So basically 'cumbia' means 'dance'...

Cumbia is originally a Colombian folk dance and dance music. Typical instrumental mix includes guitars, accordions, bass guitar, and deep-toned drums and other percussion. The basic rhythm structure is 4/4.

Cumbia is the net intersection of three cultures that settled in Colombia at different times: indigenous peoples, Spanish/Moorish and African slaves. Some claim that Cumbia began as a courtship dance among the slave population. It has now spread and is widely known in the Latin music scene.

Cumbia is very popular in all of South America (except Brazil), as well as Central America and Mexico (see Mexican cumbia). There are lots of regional varieties and tendencies.

Cumbia tends to be appreciated more by the lower social classes, and is often scorned by the upper classes. In Argentina, for example, this social divide is exemplified by the cumbia villera phenomenon, that intends to represent and resonate with the poor and marginalized dwellers of villas miseria (shanty towns and slums), with lyrics glorifying theft and drug abuse. However, it must be noted that a lighter form of cumbia enjoyed widespread popularity in Argentina during the 1990s (see Argentine cumbia).

- Wikipedia

I quite like at part too...

thanks. you learn something new everyday.

La poema es muy bonita, y yo gusto(thats supposed to have an accent over it) especialmente estes linas:

¡cigarra, dichosa tú! de que usted morirá
de un corazón sofocado – azul.

Ay - I very much enjoyed that. Frankly, it doesn't flow in a traditionally spanish sense - but then, most modern poetry in any language has ditched the old forms. It was lovely vocal artillery though. ^_^

La poema parece que bailar (de veras? a veces escribo lo...incorrecto) - muy bonita. Pienso que el refran - "La vida es hermosa - sabiendo la vivir."

Blah. Speaking is so much more fun in spanish than writing...writing I miss the form, rythm - sounds poetic. ^_^'' Anyhow, I had to remark - I loved the poem. (Cumbia confused me as well... odd, how very different Mexican spanish is - from Colombian, or even more, Castilian.)