Reflection of the Past Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Shadow's POV

I stood in the kitchen, remembering the laughter, tears, and anger that once lived here. Gone was the one person that brightened our lives. Her smile haunted me as I thought back to the promise I made my brother as he died.

Tears filled my eyes as I reread my baby sister's first letter in 10 years, seeing from how she wrote it that she was scared and terribly sad. I knew that she was blaming herself and was scared that if she returned we would reject her.

I closed my eyes feeling terribly guilty and sad as I thought, 'I'm sorry brother I failed to help her."

I slowly allowed the memory to wash over me, taking me back to a time when our gang was more or less intact.

Broken Free stood in the doorway, her eyes were lost of all joy. Dark circles under her eyes revealed her loss of sleep.

I looked at her and asked softly, "Free will you let me near you?"

She stared at me vacantly, silent as she has been for almost 3 years. I moved toward her slowly, making sure not to move too suddenly, remembering how badly that turned out.

I gently hugged her and we stood there for a few minutes before I noticed she had fallen asleep. Carefully picking her up I set her in the bed she shared with our youngest sister, Flames. I tenderly pulled the blanket over her, noticing how incredibly thin she was. I sighed to myself and sat in the rocking chair beside the bed, knowing she would wake from a nightmare sooner or later.

As Flames and Free slept I began to consider what to do. She had become withdrawn when her best friend, Ray, died. She had built a wall around herself in order to mot get hurt again.

I was beginning to hope that just this once she wouldn't have those nightmares when she screamed, filled with terror and despair. I quickly shook her, watching as she opened her eyes and flinched when I touched her.

I hid my hurt and grief from her as I gently whispered, " Free, it's Shadow. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to help."

She whimpered, crying out so quietly, "S-shadow?"

I gently pulled her into my lap, gently rocking her as she struggled to speak. Her voice was raw and hoarse from so many years of no use.

"Shadow, I'm sooooo sorry!" She finally choked out and I simply let her finish crying before telling her it was OK now.

I carefully pulled her to her feet and helped her to the kitchen. She sat on the counter watching me, curiously as I pulled out a semi large microwavable bowl and milk.

"Free what herbs do you like?" I asked as I glanced at the variety of herbs and spices her father had.

She glanced at me in surprise before moving so she could see what there was. Quietly she pulled out honey, mint, and chamomile. She set them on the stove and watched as I put the milk and the herbs in the bowl and heated it in the microwave.

I pulled it out and carefully poured it into a cup and handed it to her. She gave me a blank look, and just stood staring at me as if asking me, 'What do I do?'

I gave her a smile that promised secrets and said, "It'll help with the nightmares Lil Free."

She put the glass down; the weight was too much for her to hold. She gave me a quiet, unbelieving look and I grinned at her and picked up the cup.

I carefully held her, once again amazed by how thin and breakable she was. She noticed immediately what I planned to do and tilted her head so it was resting on my shoulder. I tilted the cup and slowly she began to drink. She finished and began to squirm as I put the cup in the fridge and watched as she started to turn drowsy.

She wandered back into her and Flames' room and began to sleep, curled up and once again I was watching her rest, ready to offer her comfort should nightmares come back to haunt her.

"Shadow!" Raven called as he stood in the dining room with several hospital files, as if to draw my attention.

Turning, I asked, "Raven, why is it the two of you seem to be so frail? Surely something happened."

I watched as he winced and saw the signs of him retreating inside himself and I whispered softly, "I just want to help lil bro."

He glanced at me, his brown eyes dark and haunted as he turned away and for a solid ten minutes there was a stony silence as I felt him slowly breaking down the barrier he built just enough to open up.

"You know that I hate storms. Have you ever wondered why?" His voice was soft and filled with heart shattering grief.

I shook my head, a tad confused, saying, "No, I had figured you were just scared of them. Didn't think there was a reason, brother."

He let out a small, shaky laugh, one of despair. In times of hardship either you cried or laughed. I waited patiently for him to go on.

"When I was 3 my kitty had ran outside during a very terrible thunderstorm. I ran after and my mam ran after me. I had gotten the kitty and when I turned....I" he paused, his body shaking as I hugged him, tears fell unchecked to the ground as he whispered, "I turned and saw her get struck by lightning."

That shocked me. I never knew that happened. I felt him shaking even more and gently whispered, trying to comfort him, "It's not your fault Raven."

He pulled away, turning to face me snapping, "If I hadn't have gone into the storm she'd still be here!!!"

Now I understood, he was blaming himself while hiding it. I firmly gripped his wrist, staring directly in his eyes saying sternly, "It is not you fault, Raven!! She knew that it could happen and chose to come after you! You can't control your mother's choices! You were three Raven!! You did what ANY child would've done!"

He winced and tried to pull back but I hugged him, not wanting him to push me away any longer. He struggled for several minutes before burying his face in my shoulder, close to breaking down and crying.

I shifted into a more comfortable position as he finally began to cry. I gently whispered soothing words as time passed. Slowly he cried himself to sleep and I began to wonder how long he had been holding it in.

"SHADOW!" Raven shouted pulling me back to the present.

I turned and felt the quietness within the house and once again I felt guilt eat away at me as I saw his eyes, filled with despair, how badly he missed his younger sister.

"What is it?" I asked handing Flames a sandwich for lunch before glancing at him again, seeing him staring distantly out the window, as if he was remembering the past.

"So much, it's not going away!" he muttered trying to desperately get something off his hands that wasn't there.

I carefully made him stop just as his hands clenched into fists. I held him still and watched as he fought me and I could see the strange and frightening look in his eyes that he always got during these episodes.

His eyes slowly returned to normal, their kindness and warm relaxing me as he muttered, "Free's home."

I glanced to see Free standing in the driveway, looking afraid and terribly child like.

I watched her, wondering if she'd go to the door and come in. When she didn't I gently pushed Raven towards his room, saying, "Go rest, Raven. You haven't slept all week."

I watched as he began to protest and I gave him a stern look saying, "Rest please Raven Michael."

He scowled at me and walked away muttering darkly under his breath, telling me that there was something else that was bothering him, and I made a note to check on him later.

Opening the door, I said, "Come on in, kiddo. We have been waiting for your return."

I watched as tears filled her eyes as guilt washed over her. I saw her struggling to say something but all that came out was a wail of despair. I frowned slightly, realizing that she more than likely was still blaming herself for what happened to Ray and Hollow.

Swiftly I crossed the distance between us and held her, whispering soft words of comfort as I took her inside, out of the eyes of the prying neighbors' eyes. Sitting her on the couch between Darkness and I she revealed the scars she had inflected and I found myself scolding her just as Nightful walked in, his eyes cold with betrayal and hurt as he said, "Welcome home Free."

I found myself staring in the past as I remembered the first time she had done this.

I liked the story. Sad,but good. Continue to write and I would love to read more:3

Haha I'm glad you like it, it took me a long time to sort out my thoughts and let them flow like they have haha. Hopefully I can get chapter 3 done before summer ends. Since I have so many things to do now its like crazy XD

Now for part 2!

I stood in the kitchen, remembering the laughter, tears, and anger that once lived here. Gone was the one person that brightened our lives. Her smile haunted me as I thought back to the promise I made my brother as he died.

Tears filled my eyes as I reread my baby sister's first letter in 10 years, seeing from how she wrote it that she was scared and terribly sad. I knew that she was blaming herself and was scared that if she returned we would reject her.

I closed my eyes feeling terribly guilty and sad as I thought, 'I'm sorry brother I failed to help her."

I slowly allowed the memory to wash over me comma taking me back to a time when our gang was more or less intact.

Broken Free stood in the doorway, her eyes were lost of all joy and life she used to have and was now plagued by an overwhelming depression. I understand that they’ve all been through a lot, but it feels like you’re taking the whole description overboard. Since we don’t know what really happened, it’s hard for us as the audience to connect to what she’s feeling right now. Dark circles under her eyes revealed her loss of sleep.

I looked at her and asked softly, "Free will you let me near you?"

She stared at me vacantly, silent as she has been for almost 3 years. I moved toward her slowly, making sure she knew I wasn't going to hurt her. It seems strange that a close friend would say this, like he was approaching a stray animal.

I gently hugged her and we stood there for almost an hour before I noticed she had fallen asleep. Again, a picky comment, but standing in place for a hug for nearly an hour is unheard of. Hugging for a mere minute is long enough, and if she had broken down in tears, I imagine they would’ve had to sit down, even then I doubt she would need a whole hour of comforting. Carefully picking her up I set her in her the bed she shared with our youngest sister, Flames. I tenderly pulled the blanket over her, noticing how incredibly thin she was. I sighed to myself and sat in the rocking chair beside the bed, knowing she would wake from a nightmare sooner or later.

As they They? Wait, who else is sleeping in this room with them? slept I began to consider what to do. She had become withdrawn when her best friend, Ray, died. She had built a wall around herself in order to mot not get hurt again.

I was beginning to hope that just this once she wouldn't have those nightmares when she screamed, filled with terror and despair. I quickly shook her, watching as she opened her eyes and flinched when I touched her.

I hid my hurt and grief from her as I gently whispered, " Free comma its it’s Shadow. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to help."

She whimpered comma crying out so quietly, "S-shadow?"

I gently pulled her into my lap, gently rocking her as she struggled to speak. Her voice was raw and hoarse from so many years of no use.

"Shadow, I'm sooooo sorry!" She finally choked out and I simply let her finish crying before telling her it was OK now.

I carefully pulled her to her feet and helped her to the kitchen. She sat on the counter watching me, no comma curiously as I pulled out a semi large microwavable bowl and milk.

"Free comma what herbs do you like?" I asked as I glanced at the variety of herbs and spices her father had.

She glanced at me in surprise before moving so she could see what there was. Quietly she pulled out honey, mint, and chamomile. She set them on the stove and watched as I put the milk and the herbs in the bowl and heated it in the microwave.

I pulled it out and carefully poured it into a cup and handed it to her. She gave me a blank look, and just stood staring at me as if asking me, 'What do I do?'

I gave her a smile that promised secrets and said, "It'll help with the nightmares Lil Free."

She put the glass down, semicolon instead the weight was too much for her to hold. She gave me a quiet, unbelieving look and I grinned at her and picked up the cup.

I carefully held her, once again amazed by how thin and breakable she was. She noticed immediately what I planned to do and tilted her head so it was resting on my shoulder. I tilted the cup and slowly she began to drink. She finished and began to squirm as I put the cup in the fridge and watched as she started to turn drowsy.

She wondered wandered back into her and Flames Flames’s room and began to sleep, curled up and once again I was watching over her. The last part of this sentence doesn’t flow right.

"Shadow!" Raven called as he stood in the dining room with several hospital files, as if to draw my attention.

Turning, I asked, "Raven comma why is it the tow two of you seem to be so frail? Surely something happened."

I watched as he winced and saw the signs of him retreating inside himself and whispered softly, "I just want to help lil bro." Who whispered this? You don’t even say. This bit is very confusing, when it should be just a simple statement.

He glanced at me, his brown eyes dark and haunted as he turned away and for a solid ten minutes there was a stony silence as I felt him slowly breaking down the barrier he built just enough to open up.

"You know that I hate storms. Have you ever wondered why?" His voice was soft and filled with heart shattering grief.

I shook my head, a tad confused, saying, "No comma I had figured you were just scared of them. Didn't think there was a reason, brother." It is strange to verbally address your brother as ‘brother’. No one really does it in real life.

He let out a small, shaky laugh, one of despair. In times of hardship either you cried or laughed. I waited patiently for him to go on.

"When I was 3 my kitty had ran outside during a very terrible thunderstorm. I ran after and my mam ran after me. I had gotten the kitty and when I turned....I" he paused, his body shaking as I hugged him, tears fell unchecked to the ground as he whispered, "I turned and saw her get struck by lightning."

That shocked me. I never knew that happened. I felt him shaking even more and gently whispered, trying to comfort him, "It's not your fault Raven."

He pulled away, turning to face me snapping, "If I hadn't have gone into the storm she'd still be here!!!"

Now I understood, he was blaming himself while hiding it. I firmly gripped his wrist, staring directly in his eyes saying sternly, "It is not you fault comma Raven!! She knew that it could happen and chose to come after you! You can't control your mother's choices! You were 3 Raven!! You did what ANY child would've done!" Be sure to always spell out numbers when writing a story; three.

He winced and tried to pull back but I hugged him comma not wanting him to push me away any longer. He struggled for several minutes before burying his face in my shoulder, close to breaking down and crying.

I shifted into a more comfortable position as he finally began to cry. I gently whispered soothing words as time passed. Slowly he cried himself to sleep and I began to wonder how long he had been holding it in.

"SHADOW!" Raven shouted pulling me back to the present. This is a bit jarring. Wasn’t he just asleep?

I turned and felt the quietness within the house and once again I felt guilt eat away at me as I saw his eyes, filled with despair, how badly he missed his younger sister.

"What is it?" I asked handing Flames a sandwich for lunch before glancing at him again, seeing him staring distantly out the window, as if he was remembering the past.

"So much, its it’s not going away!" he muttered trying to desperately get something of off his hands that wasn't there.

I carefully made him stop just as his hands clenched into fists. I held him still and watched as he fought me and I could see the strange and frightening look in his eyes that he always got during these episodes.

His eyes slowly returned to normal, their kindness and warm relaxing me as he muttered, "Free's home."

I glanced to see Free standing in the driveway, looking afraid and terribly child like.

I watched her, wondering if she'd go to the door and come in. When she didn't I gently pushed Raven towards his room, saying, "Go rest comma Raven. You haven't slept all week."

I watched as he began to protest and I gave him a stern look saying, "Bed now comma Raven Michael."

He scowled at me and walked away, and I made a note to check on him later. It seems unrealistic for a man to obey childlike orders like this, especially from someone younger.

Opening the door, I said, "Come on in comma kiddo. We have been waiting for your return."

I watched as tears filled her eyes as guilt washed over her. I saw her struggling to say something but all that came out was a wail of despair. Again, why is she so guilty and depressed? I’m just confused. And since I don’t know the situation, it’s impossible for me to sympathize with her. I’d say watching Hollow die would make her sad, but that kind of pain fades in time, and honestly she should not have guilt; he was killed by another gang it seems.

Swiftly I crossed the distance between us and held her, whispering soft words of comfort as I took her inside, out of the eyes of the prying neighbors' eyes. Sitting her on the couch between Darkness and I she revealed the scars she had inflected and I found myself scolding her just as Nightful walked in, his eyes cold with betrayal and hurt as he said, "Welcome home Free."

I found myself staring in the past as I remembered the first time she had done this.

I like how you focused on another character this time, but I don’t see why you wrote this story in 1st person. I think it would go a LOT smoother in 3rd person, especially since the whole benefit of 1st is so that we can get a personal and unique account of the situation, and it seems as though you are more focused on the big picture.

Honestly, I’m very confused to how this whole chapter fits into the story. Really the only thing that happened was Shadow walking around comforting all of his depressed friends. I don’t feel any further along in the plot. I don’t even really know if this scene is taking place in the past, or in the now, when Free is revisiting the house ten years later.

I’m getting a lack of description. I don’t know what the rooms look like, what the beds look like, what your characters look like… it’s all very vague. I’m having to create my own images in my head because you’re not giving me anything to go on. It gets difficult when you have to fill in the blank spots on your own.

One last comment, and I’ve noticed this in the first chapter too. Your characters address each other by name way too much. How many times do you actually call your friend by their name, and not just when you’re calling to get their attention? Almost never. Dialogue would sound more realistic if you just made it more casual. They are supposed to be friends, after all.

If you have any questions, let me know!

~blacksheep

I made changes as to what you wrote on there...some things won't be explained until later chapters so don't think I'm just gonna explain everything right off the bat....have some curiousity lols. I checked out that writing link you went me and I say thanks very much XD