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i like the way you started the story with the introduction of the character in his own words, but then i read ahead and i get a little confused because i don't understand, like you are talking about the wrist watch in the character's family and then suddenly you are in the hospital describing your surrounding...it just gets a bit confusing for the reader. you should be careful when you change the scene in your story....i know you wrote about coming out of the lift...i think but as you on't mention where you are from the starting, it get a bit difficult to understand what's happening.
maybe you know you could put the character's thoughts in italics or bold, just anything, differing them from when you are describing your surroundings.
i'm not a very experienced writer myself and the suggestions are given purely as a reader.
hope it helps you...

Hi, thanks for the reply although:

these things are for the reader to realise themselves. The character has time to think BECAUSE he is inside of the elevator. It is when he leaves the elevator and enters a hallway that a brief description is given.

short stories are not usually told through the literal technique. instead, you must look at techniques such as symbolism, imagery and tone to find the deeper meanings and ideas.


if you look deeper you may realise he is visiting his father, notice the exact moment in which his father dies, and see how he realises he has been living his life wrong.. or indeed has been giving up his life completely.



I'd like you to re-read the story, with a deeper eye this time.

Hey
I must say I enjoyed this piece. the imagery and feelings portrayed by your were just brilliant. Though I felt that now and then it did not flow as well. I suggest that you could say, "My thoughts and reminiscing were interrupted as the cold steel doors opened..." this will help the reader a bit. I also suggest that when you describe his father for the first time and then again the second time, at his death-bed, draw a slightly bigger connection; as not many people may pick it up. I understand that you wrote it that way for the reader to read with more insight but often people do not, and don't realise the true significance to the story. i loved the way you ended it off. Though you could suggest something to the Gold watch, like, "and in my heavy pockets, the slight hint of gold illuminated my now grey facade." but thats just me. All in All really enjoyed this, though I feel you could go back a bit. Great piece though.
ToLy