scribbles.

Scribbles.
We are all merely scribbles amongst
black and inky towers on a blank canvas.
We are fragments of time,
pawns in a heavenly game
of give and take.
Destiny is a cruel and jealous mistress,
slowly she teaches the difference
between faith and belief.
Yet too late we come to know
all we think we know
is just a celestial hoax.

So listen to your place my man
and learn your manners well,
Or you will soon fall under
dissapointment's spell.

Numbers are only numbers,
Words are only words,
And scribbles are only scribbles.

Lunasol21 wrote:Scribbles.
We are all merely scribbles amongst
black and inky towers on a blank canvas.How would there be black and inky towers, on a BLANK canvas?
We are fragments of time,
pawns in a heavenly game
of give and take.
Destiny is a cruel and jealous mistress,
slowly she teaches the difference
between faith and belief.
Yet too late we come to know
all we think we know
is just a celestial hoax.

So listen to your place ,my manThis doesn't seem quite right. One can't 'listen' to his place.
and learn your manners well,
Or you will soon fall under
dissapointment's spell.

Numbers are only numbers,
Words are only words,
And scribbles are only scribbles.

scribbles.
by Lunasol21 � Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:39 am

This is a very interesting way of looking at things. I enjoyed reading this.

Scribbles. Good opening line
We are all merely scribbles amongst
black and inky towers on a blank canvas. You should probably capatalize every line
We are fragments of time,
pawns in a heavenly game
of give and take. At first I thought it said cake XD
Destiny is a cruel and jealous mistress,
slowly she teaches the difference Great job with making destiny a person and all...
between faith and belief.
Yet too late we come to know
all we think we know
is just a celestial hoax. <--Nice.

So listen to your place my man
and learn your manners well,
Or you will soon fall under
dissapointment's spell. This stanza is really epic!

Numbers are only numbers,
Words are only words,
And scribbles are only scribbles. Loved the ending line!

This is really cool! I actually read it twice because I liked it so much. I look forward to reading more of your work and keep writing!

I love the way the end ties in to the beggining--it's perfect. The ending is really powerful. The one comment I would make is that, while there is no problem with using cliches (they are classic for a reason), you need to add your own twist to them in order to avoid being trite; that twist can be wording, context, etc. In this, I refer to lines such as

pawns in a heavenly game

Great poem, great topic.