Yeah, this is a pretty crappy excuse for getting things off of my chest and letting it all out, writing a letter and putting it where I know no one will ever find it, but I do lame stuff like that. I’ve been doing a lot of lame stuff lately. I know no one ever comes here, except me, so I know my thoughts are safe and that I can get everything out on paper.
Things have been pretty damn bad here since Mom and Dad died. Mia cries a lot and it’s all Clark can do to console her. She still blames herself, and that’s not good with a baby on the way. I feel sorry for Clark. I may have to live with her but I don’t have to sleep with her, and for her nights are the worst. I can hear her screams all the way down the hall, and the crying she does after she realizes that she’s awake and it was all just a dream.
Brian is the worst. We don’t even know what he does half the time, holed up in his room like he is. It scares me, cause I think that one of these days I’ll go to the door and he won’t answer. He could be doing anything in there, from discovering a cure to all cancers to drugs. At least he doesn’t have dreams, or if he does he doesn’t talk about it. If his screams were added to the things I hear at night I think I’d lose it completely.
And then there's Michael, my older brother. We haven't seen him since I was nine. After he left I was so scared everyone else would. He didn't come for the funeral, and I don't even think he knows that they're gone.
Some days I go up to the attic and stare at the old photo albums, and I wonder how everything went from being so right to so wrong in a split second. Looking at those pictures, at Michael, the dream brother, until he left. He'd be twenty-nine now, I wonder where he is now? At Mia, the perfect blond-haired blue-eyed cheerleader who was voted prom queen. She's twenty-six, six years older than Brian, and nine years older then me. When I was little and Mom wasn't there, it was always her I ran to with my problems. And Brian. My stupid older brother. When I was fifteen and some boy tried to assult me, Brian was the one who stopped him. His blond head and piercing grey eyes always turned heads at school. These days I don't even know what page he's on. Then there's me. Where my brother and sister took after my mother I look like my father. Red-headed, eyes greener than grass, he used to say. We all used to tell everything to each other, used to be so close. And now we barely say two words to each other.
As for counseling, that was total shit. The minute the therapist asks how we are doing since our parents died Mia bursts into tears and Brian looks like he’s going to kill something. I'm ready to tell her to fuck off, and Clark just stands on the sidelines wondering what the hell is wrong. I don’t get why Mia ever married him. He hasn’t ever lost anybody like we have, and yet he keeps asking when we’re going to be okay.
He just doesn’t get that this degree of pain doesn’t go away, not as quickly as he thinks it should. It’s been nine months, and by now he expected it all to be over. Done. Everyone moves on. The son of a bitch. He keeps asking when Mia’s going to stop having these nightmares. He doesn’t get that an incident like that tears you apart from the inside, and that it can take months, even years to heal.
I feel like screaming at him, “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND!!” Clark was the rich boy, with people who were paid to keep him from seeing things he shouldn’t. He doesn’t know what the real world is like, I can’t even remember the last time he left the house to go somewhere, anywhere. He stays inside and tries to deal with everything for everyone without really helping anybody.
And then there’s me. I don’t even know myself anymore, I don’t know where I’m headed. I go to a different school now, and I live on the other side of town. The rich side. I park in a different zone, I wear brands like Chanel. But I still hang with the groups I hung with before what happened. Maybe it’s because they don’t ask questions about my past, and when they see me hurting, see me crying, they let me hurt, they let me cry.
They don’t ask what’s wrong, they don’t try to tell me it’s going to be all right. They’re just there. They listen, they know when to shut up. Unlike some people. I really don’t know how I’m dealing with this. How I’m dealing with the pain. But now, I don’t feel any pain, not as often as I used to anyway. But when I do feel pain, it’s so intense I don’t feel anything else. What is going on here, why did they have to die? I used to have all the answers. But I don’t anymore.
Cody
She folded up the paper and place it in the tree stump. She sighed. "Time to go home." she said, "More like hell. I wish I could stay in this clearing forever." She sighed again. "At least now I have someplace to hide when things get to intense. I am so glad that it looks like I'm the only human who has ever been here. With all the shit going on at home, I really need time alone. And to think that this is only a five minute bike rise from the edge of the city." Looking over her shoulder, Cody darted off into the trees. She didn’t stick around to see a boy climb out of a nearby tree and make his way over to the stump. He pulled out the letter, sat down on the ground and began to read.
Cody slowly trooped up the steps and opened the door. "Where the fuck have you been!" was the first words out of her sisters mouth the minute she stepped in the house. "Wherever the hell I wanted to be." she replied, aiming for the direction of her room. "You get back here young lady, I'm not finished with you!" Mia screamed at Cody's retreating back. "Yeah well I'm done with you!" Cody shouted over her shoulder as she stepped into her room and slammed the door behind her.
She sank back against the door and sighed. "Will it ever end?" she wondered aloud into the empty room. "Will it ever stop?" She walked over to her bed and sat down. Cody laid back and closed her eyes.
Mia laughed. "Cody, come on you honestly don't expect for us to wait for Mom and Dad before we open presents, do you? It could be hours before they get home, and you know that." Cody galred at her older sister, but then couldn't help but laugh. Mia was just newly returned from her honey moon, and had the glow of a happy new bride. Her tee shirt said, "Yes, I have been naughty this year," coupled with the elf ears made for a funny site.
"Yeah Mia," Cody said, "I honestly do. And if you don't I'll throw a fit bigger than the Grand Canyon." Mia laughed again. "Oh," she said, "don't I know it!" Cody glared at Brian. "Hello, idiot, a little help here?" he didn't move. She sighed, glaring at him and wishing she had never gotten him the PSP for his birthday. Why did I end up with him for an older brother? She wondered. Cody realised that Mia was talking again.
"Ok, we'll wait. And I'm just saying it because I know you'll find a way to make us wait anyway. Remember when we lived on Prince Edward Island? You were only ten, but you put all the presents in the celler and locked it when you found out that we were going to open them before Dad brought Brian back from the hospital. If I also recall, you swallowed the key to the padlock when Mom tried to take it from you. Another visit to the hospital later, and we had a kid with a broken arm and a kid with stitches in her stomach. Good memories." Cody couldn't help grinning at the memory. They were all pretty much the same, except that they were just a little bit older and instead of dolls and toy cars they wanted electronics and gift cards.
She hugged Mia impulsively. When Cody pulled back Mia looked stunned. "You haven't done that since I agreed to marry Clark." She said quietly. "Yeah, I know," Cody replied, "And I'm sorry. He's not as big of a pain in the ass as I thought. He kinda cool, once you get to know him. And since I'm spending a lot of time with you, that means a lot of time with him as well, so I resigned myself to him." Mia gave her sister another hug. "Thank you." She whispered in Cody's ear. "I really love him." "I know." Cody whispered back. "Say Cheeese!" Someone said. They both turned to face Clark, who was holding a camera to his face. It flashed, and music started playing.
It took them all a minute to figure out that it was Mia's phone, and she pulled it out and checked the caller I.D. "Hey, it's mom." She said as she flipped the phone open. "Hey, Mom, where are you guys? It's getting late. We want to open presents, but Cody....Cody? Yeah, she's right here. You sure? Okay." Mia handed the phone to Cody. "Here, she wants to talk to you." Cody shrugged and held the phone to her ear, taking a few steps back. "Hey Mom." she said, "What's up?"
"Honey, now don't freak out okay, promise?" Her mother said. Cody laughed. "Mom,"she answered, "What is there to freak out about. You're on the highway, right? Just like we planned, you should be here in a few hours?" No answer. "Mom?" Her mother sighed. "About that honey," she said slowly. "Your father and I aren't going to make it home before midnight. We, we decided to stay an extra day. We didn't think you kids would mind, we haven't had much time to ourselves lately. So we are on the interstate, in New York."
Cody didn't move. "Baby? Baby, look, I'm sorry, but it was the best idea at the time, and even though I know how important it is for us all to spend Christmas together, but we didn't think you'd be too upset, and at the time it seemed like the best," Cody cut her off. "Shut the fuck up." She said angrily. "I don't want to hear a bunch of shitty excuses when you know that it was your own free choice to stay. You know why I want us all to spend Christmas together, so I don't want to hear it." Mia, Clark, and Brian were staring at her, But Cody didn't care. How could they? she thought.
"Get here before midnight or there'll be hell to pay. We've spent every Christmas together since Michael, and it's not about to stop. I know you think I'm a bitch, but Michael is gone, God know's where. Please, Mom, please just hurry." She sighed. "Darren, please speed up." Cody's dad answered. "Is that the best idea, Amy? The roads are pretty....." Amy cut him off. "Cody." He sped up. "Okay, look, sweetie," Amy said into the phone, "We'll be there...." She was cut off by a horrible grinding sound, and Darren screamed. Amy quickly joined him. "MOM! DAD! MOM!" Cody shouted into the phone. She was answered by a dull thud.
She felt someone tap on her shoulder, and turned to see her parents, with limbs missing and blood streamingfrom various wounds. They each grabbed one of her arms. "You killed us, you killed us, you killed us!" They chanted, getting louder every time.
Cody screamed, sitting up in her bed and gasping for air. "A dream," she panted, "It was all just a dream." she rolled over and glanced at the clock. 5:30. "Looks like I had I fifteen minute power nap." She mused, still slightly shaken. "Well, it was just a dream. At least it can't get worse." Someone knocked on her door.She hopped up and opened it to find Brian. She stared at him stunned. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "Yeah," he said. "I know I don't leave my room much, but we've got trouble." She looked at him, puzzled. "Just come downstairs." He suggested.
She followed him down, wondering what could be so bad. As she walked, she realised that the intercourse between her and Brian had been the most they had spoken to each other for at least a month. She stepped into the living room, and froze. "Cody? Is that really you? Wow, you've certainly grown." said her brother, Michael. I was wrong. It can get worse. She thought.
But still sooo well written ! And it kept me interested and anticipating till the end ! 
Secondly there were a few misspellings but that's all I have to say on critiquing! I can't wait to read the next chapters! This is definitely what I look for in a writer! BRAVO!